You'd do it if it were for OUR child

[PicklePie11]

My husband likes to use this emotional blackmail on me a lot and I've had enough.

If I do anything positive for our child together, anything fun, anything where he thinks 'id quite like someone to do that for my children too', if I don't jump at the idea of doing it for DSC too I get 'You'd do it for OUR child'.

I'm going to flip my lid if I hear it one more time. YES I DO SOME THINGS DIFFERENT FOR OUR CHILD BECAUSE THEY ARE MY FUCKING CHILD.

So the shared child isn’t allowed a relationship with its mother because it’s not centred around the SC?

why should a SM not be allowed to take her child to, for example, swimming lessons unless she does the same for SC whose parents haven’t bothered their arses to do that for their children?

Even more so when the SM is paying for the lessons. Is she somehow obliged to pay for three lots of lessons and facilitate that so the SC don’t miss out? Or does she have to downgrade her child’s experiences to match the effort the SC’s parents put in?

It’s all well and good making sweeping, greetings card type statements about ‘take them on as your own’. But it just shows someone who hasn’t thought through all the moving parts.

Like what? My DH got annoyed I didn't do my DSC's washing once. I put him right on that and he never mentioned it ever again.

If its fun stuff he should be doing fun stuff with all his kids.

He can fluff off if he thinks you're there to entertain his kids so he doesn't have to bother.

That's a bit silly. Why shouldn't OP do nice things with her own child if she wants to?

Does the stepchildrens mother include the OPs child in fun activities for the children? I'm guessing not. And nor should she because - drum roll - he/she's not her child! If dear daddy wants to do something for his children then I'm hazarding a guess that no one is stopping him!

Why can’t he do, whatever it is he thinks his child is missing out on, with him alone? Of course you would have to be cool with the fact that that could well cut into your family time mind you.

Are you deliberately excluding some children or is it the everyday things you do when your step children are with their other parent?

The OP's child doesn't live in the stepkid's house.

The stepkids also live with the OP and their step-sibling.

So it's not quite the same...

I deliberately exclude my DSC from going to soft play etc with DC. It would be ridiculous for a 13 year old to try and join in.

I don't know why you would marry someone with a child unless you wanted to become part of their family.

@Nanny0gg and yet the SC still don't belong to the OP. She is allowed and should be able to do things with just her child. The SC will have that exact experience with their own mother.

Are you deliberately excluding them or are you giving them the opportunity to join but they have no interest

I don't give them a choice they've wanted to come with me and DC eg clothes shopping and i've said no. I'm not doing teenage shopping and toddler shopping in one go.

My DH used to say this. Also if I walked DS to a park without DSC he would have shitty fits about me 'splitting the family '.
Fully recommended flipping your lid and losing your shit here.
I even packed a bag so I could raise DS without slighting DSC.
We talked about it calmly, he eventually saw that I am not DSC parent. DSC has own mother, I'm not responsible if she does nothing with her kids. Or ya know DH could do things with HIS kids. Both of them.
Lose your shit OP. I was raging!

But you'd do that if you had your own 13 year old wouldn't you?

@MrsTerryPratchett pretty sure it takes two to get pregnant !! A women can choose not to get pregnant as well or not to get involved with a man with kids or if they do not to become a resident babysitter

No idea? Maybe? Maybe not?

Oh yes! I had that one too (the park) - why don't you take the DSC's with you to the park with DC?

Because I'm taking DC to the park to have a break from DSC squabbling!

So it would somehow not be ridiculous to take your own 13 year old to soft play?

And? That doesn't make the man's part in it all go away. And since he already has children, his responsibility to them should be paramount from the start.

If they wanted to sit with me and have a coffee and a chat about life?

I don't know? I've not got a 13 year old DC.

@MrsTerryPratchett you can't blame it all on the man though as much as you try
And also some on here are a bit shit , won't take child shopping but would of your own
I really don't get why so many women get with men who have kids , who then expect them to do it all for their kids , surely as a women you see this and you nip it in the bud , not go on and have another kid with them?

Exactly! It was about this time I started to introduce Daddy Time with DSC! 😁

If you read my post I mentioned what women do as well. So eager to defend shitty male parenting maybe you missed that bit.

She doesn’t have a 13 year old though. Does she?