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Original poster

Was I wrong to be annoyed by this?

116 replies

Speak4us · 29/12/2022 09:36

Working from home yesterday in a very busy and full on job so not just lazing about like I know some people seem to view WFH as! DH was out at work so only me in the house as my parents were looking after our toddler.

Randomly DSS 11 and DSS9 turn up out of the blue and it appears DH had sent me a text 20 mins before to say his ex needed to go out so she was dropping DSC off.

It was about 1:30pm and they'd had nothing to eat so were then mithering me for lunch, I was trying to wrap up a meeting and had more to do afterwards. I was livid quite frankly. At least feed your children first?!

Unfortunately, and this isn't their fault it's how their parents have raised them, DSC are babied. They can't make a simple meal, can't seem to entertain themselves without falling out and so on.

I basically just told them they'd need to see what they could find in the kitchen and then go upstairs whilst I worked (working downstairs in living room) which they then sulked about because all they could make was a simple sandwich. Cue lots of arguing all afternoon etc. 9 year old coming down and crying at one point and wouldn't leave the room I was in trying to make calls.

When DH got home I was absolutely livid. I was WORKING! Not just sat at home. For him to tell his ex she can drop them off with me without ensuring I first knew and secondly agreed and also at his ex for dropping them off after lunch and not feeding them first.

He thinks I'm being dramatic and they can come whenever they want.

OP posts:
Lenald · 29/12/2022 10:00

Speak4us · 29/12/2022 09:36

Working from home yesterday in a very busy and full on job so not just lazing about like I know some people seem to view WFH as! DH was out at work so only me in the house as my parents were looking after our toddler.

Randomly DSS 11 and DSS9 turn up out of the blue and it appears DH had sent me a text 20 mins before to say his ex needed to go out so she was dropping DSC off.

It was about 1:30pm and they'd had nothing to eat so were then mithering me for lunch, I was trying to wrap up a meeting and had more to do afterwards. I was livid quite frankly. At least feed your children first?!

Unfortunately, and this isn't their fault it's how their parents have raised them, DSC are babied. They can't make a simple meal, can't seem to entertain themselves without falling out and so on.

I basically just told them they'd need to see what they could find in the kitchen and then go upstairs whilst I worked (working downstairs in living room) which they then sulked about because all they could make was a simple sandwich. Cue lots of arguing all afternoon etc. 9 year old coming down and crying at one point and wouldn't leave the room I was in trying to make calls.

When DH got home I was absolutely livid. I was WORKING! Not just sat at home. For him to tell his ex she can drop them off with me without ensuring I first knew and secondly agreed and also at his ex for dropping them off after lunch and not feeding them first.

He thinks I'm being dramatic and they can come whenever they want.

Why did you let them in? You should have told their Mum no at the door.

Lenald · 29/12/2022 10:01

Speak4us · 29/12/2022 09:40

I didn't get chance, they walked in and their mum had already sped off by the time I'd realised.

Show quote history

Did you not try to call her back?

DreamingOfAGreenChristmas · 29/12/2022 10:03

And it isn’t about ‘welcoming the step kids’ ‘it’s their home too’ etc.

It’s about childcare during work hours.

If they were your own kids you wouldn’t have them unsupervised in the house while you were working if they couldn’t be self sufficient. You would arrange childcare.

Lenald · 29/12/2022 10:03

babyunderblanket · 29/12/2022 09:49

I don't see anyone at fault here except your DP for not saying "no sorry we're both working". DSS mum probably just got a yes sure drop them off and not unreasonably assumed they'd be fed, DSS are only 9 & 11 so not unreasonable to ask for help or at least want some guidance.

Your OH is the problem here and you need to put in place far stricter boundaries re: DSS ie if you're not here, then nor are the DSS. End of.

Can you imagine dropping your kids off last minute somewhere and not even popping your head through the door to say thank you?

Original poster
Speak4us · 29/12/2022 10:04

Lenald · 29/12/2022 10:03

Can you imagine dropping your kids off last minute somewhere and not even popping your head through the door to say thank you?

Show quote history

Or feeding them if it was past lunchtime!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Speak4us · 29/12/2022 10:05

Lenald · 29/12/2022 10:01

Did you not try to call her back?

Show quote history

I don't have her number (nor do I want it)

OP posts:
Fireyflies · 29/12/2022 10:09

Sounds like your DH wants very much for them to feel at home in his house and be able to come there when they want. Trouble is they weren't coming over when they want - they were being dumped there by their mum because they're not quite old enough to be left unattended and your DH told her you would look after them without asking you. He's getting "making his house a home to them" confused with "expecting his DW to look after kids while WFH" The only circumstances this might have been ok would be if his ex had some real emergency to deal with - and even then I'd have expected a phone call not a text to explain the situation.

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 29/12/2022 10:09

Tell him if it happens again, you'll put them in the car and drive them to him or her immediately.

They are their parents not you, it's not your responsibility!

Awrite · 29/12/2022 10:10

I would stop fixating on the not feeding them first aspect. It's really not a big deal. Not compared to what your dh did.

whatstheteamarie · 29/12/2022 10:12

If your DH thinks his DC are no trouble to look after whilst working, why didn't he get them dropped off at his workplace rather than yours?

Would he deem that appropriate?

If not then he has no place thinking you're out of order.

familyissues12345 · 29/12/2022 10:15

Did you find out the reason they were dumped on you at speed?

OnTheRunWithMannyMontana · 29/12/2022 10:19

To echo PP at that age they should be able to make some lunch and entertain themselves quietly for a few hours!

It also really pisses me off that some people see WFH as a feet up, lounge about kinda job. I WFH and my day is always packed with meetings and calls. DH will often ask me to make certain calls for him (car, bank etc) and looks confused when I say I won't have time..."but you're at home all day??" Grr!

OnTheRunWithMannyMontana · 29/12/2022 10:21

familyissues12345 · 29/12/2022 10:15

Did you find out the reason they were dumped on you at speed?

Probably cos the mum knew she would be (quite rightly) pissed off!

Sellorkeep · 29/12/2022 10:23

Holy cow, I hope it was an important reason!
I work from home and my days vary. On some days this would be no problem and on other days, no way could I do some of my work with two kids around. But my DP would always ask. Your DP is way out of order doing this to you.
(I don’t think my 9 year old DSD could make her own lunch and didn’t realise that was so bad. Blush)

springerspanielpuppy · 29/12/2022 10:23

YANBU to be livid I wfh in a full on job where I am in meetings, appointments, emergencies etc and no fucker takes it serious. Can you have this child today can I have all of my Xmas shopping x 3 delivered to your house? If I hear the phrase well you're at home anyway once more 😤

I reckon your DH is well aware of this which is why he text rather than call you and he is bang out of order. I would have called him straight away though.

The issue of whether they can entertain or look after themselves is a separate one it is the total disrespect that you are working.

I would be questioning what was so urgent that she had to go out and leave them with you and if it was urgent then why was he not leaving work to look after them? You don't have time to look after a child including your own, hence the pre arranged childcare.

Dragonskin · 29/12/2022 10:27

I would be livid too, and I would possibly get a chain on the front door so it doesn't happen again

Yaslana · 29/12/2022 10:28

Next time (as suggested) take them to his work

Inertia · 29/12/2022 10:28

I’d be furious.

If DH agrees to last minute arrangements with ex, he comes home from work to look after them.

Do they have their own keys? It sounds like they let themselves in. I’d change that- if they are too young to take care of themselves they are too young for keys.

quietnightmare · 29/12/2022 10:40

Yes they are welcome whenever they want when your husband is available to look after them. They can not be interfering with your work. There would be uproar of you lost your job and then the house and then his ex would have nowhere to drop her kids off when she felt like it

Solonge · 29/12/2022 10:41

Tell your husband next time this happens they need to be dropped off at his office as you will be working…..they are his children, he needs to look after them. Failing that…his ex can use grandparents or friends.

candycane10 · 29/12/2022 10:43

Presumably your DH told their mum it would be okay. If so, she's done nothing wrong and your issue is 100% with him

Ihatethenewlook · 29/12/2022 10:46

Keep the front door latched from now on. Not that you should have to

Hoppinggreen · 29/12/2022 10:48

You were effectively not at home so what your idiot H and his Ex did was arrange for the children to be home alone, completely unacceptable

Bigbadfish · 29/12/2022 10:48

I wouldn't drop this at all. You had made provisions for your child and he knew that. I would rip him apart telling him that HIS children are not good enough or well enough behaved to be left when you are working and if he pulls that shit again you'll be dropping them off at his work.

liveforsummer · 29/12/2022 10:52

Make sure the door is locked in future.