Christmas...always Christmas..

[IAmTi]

I hate that Christmas comes with another layer when it comes to blended family. DSC are annoyed coz I said the week before Xmas is a bit late to have tree put up so we'll put it up week before and leave their decorations to put on when they are here. They moan about it anyway so it will just make the whole thing easier.

It's quite nice the rest of the time. It's just all the Christmas pressure i guess.

Are you projecting by any chance? Such an aggressive attitude.

My god. This isn't the end of the world. They will get to have the opportunity to put the tree up at their primary residence. While the child that lives there gets the opportunity to put their tree up. Not every single thing has to be shared and catered to. No wonder the whole thing turns into a shit show.

I'm a stepmum and my DC are also in a blended family on the other side. Their primary residence is with me and DH. I prepare for Christmas based on what I've always done. I absolutely include my SDC but I don't change things to work around them. I equally don't expect my DC to run the show on the other side - the entitlement!
Equally, my DSC are catered to at their primary residence with their Mum and her DP.

My DH and I also specifically plan activities with all our DC so there's lots of inclusion. We are all seeing a panto next weekend that DSC don't even want to go to because it's 'boring' but their Dad has insisted and I'm absolutely happy to take them with us. We are then heading into London for a shopping trip and to see all the Christmas lights with all our DC. My SDC want to shop in Central but not do the Panto. They've asked to be picked up after the Panto. DH has said absolutely not. I know they'll be grumpy at the Panto but I don't care, it doesn't affect me or my DC because we just don't register it.

Blended families are hard and so long as you are treating everyone with kindness and compassion, you'll be ok. Live your life, make your plans and keep moving ahead. If you stop and analyse and try to please everyone, you'll end up stressed, resentful and bitter.

Don't give it a second thought OP.

💯

Yep! This is prime example. Resident DC not allowed their Christmas tree up until DSC deem it the appropriate time and people are fine with that...!

I don’t think many people are fine with that and telling OP she should wait two weeks at all.

They’re saying do it now. All the kids are here so can be included and the house will feel Christmassy. If they choose not to join in, that’s their choice, they had the chance.

Some PPs seem to be fine with it.

Like 2 posters, one of which sounds completely mad, hasn’t understood/read OPs posts or like they’ve been on the wine. 😂 It’s seems the vast majority feel OP should put it up now.

UPDATE: I'M GOING TO PUT UP THE TREE THIS AFTERNOON.

Everyone has been informed tree decorating will commence after lunch. There will be hot chocolate and marshmallows available.

Good choice OP. 🎄

Now, how stubborn are the step kids? Shall we take bets on the chance of them joining in? 😂 If they don’t, do not show you’re at all bothered. The offer is there. And I’m sure your toddler will enjoy it regardless.

Something as lovely as putting the Christmas tree up… fraught with tension.

Why I will never go down the route of a mangled blended family.

good luck op

We need a picture of the finished tree. Have a lovely afternoon 😊

With everyone looking stressed and unhappy surrounding it!

I put the tree up with our DC. DSD gets to put the tree up in her DM's house. So all DC get to put the tree up in their main residence. Otherwise our DC get to put up one tree and DSD two. I think this is fair. DP saves the angel for DSD to put on the top when she next comes round.

Great update! Enjoy! 🎄🎶

I sense a teeny weeny amount of projection and bitterness from this post! I didn’t dictate what my parents did. I very much doubt l would have been allowed to dictate what my mum and step dad or dad and step mum did

RE the update then hot chocolate, marshmallows and putting up a Christmas tree don’t sound too dreadful to me….

Ha! Eldest will probably just sulk around in her oodie

@Feef83 as an aside to thread but I'm really taken with the idea of Christmas children – are those ones we can send back in the New Year when they get really annoying…? 😃

Eldest had a right strop. Just ignored her and the rest of us had a lovely time.

Because you made the effort of including them? How old is this kid?

Glad you had a good time.

You’ll always be in the wrong regardless, so I’m glad you just did what works for you. 😁

I’m really hoping they are 14 and 15 rather than 4 and 5.

I Hope DH didn’t pander to the stropping?

A strop over what ? I assume strops are usually pandered too by your DH so she's like hold on usually what I say goes.

It's weird I grew up in a blended family and no one let me rule the roost 😒 they must have missed the memo that they should parent via guilt due to me being kept under the stairs and feed crumbs of bread (this is sarcasm fyi)

Yeah she just said it's too early and sulked. That's fine she's a teen I remember sulking.

We just put ours up when DSS's are here as a rule? Why not just put it up this weekend?

In fact we can't put our tree up this weekend as we don't have any of our decs. We had a house fire and we don't get any of our Christmas stuff back from the disaster recovery until the 12th. So we'll put out big tree up then when the boys unfortunately are not here. As a result we have bought a little one for the kitchen and have done that one with them today so they have been involved.

Good work OP!
Glad you ignored the teenager. Glad everyone else had a good time and your tree is done.
At that age they will have a tantrum over any small thing. She'll come out it and become a lovely young person soon hopefully.