Christmas...always Christmas..

[IAmTi]

I hate that Christmas comes with another layer when it comes to blended family. DSC are annoyed coz I said the week before Xmas is a bit late to have tree put up so we'll put it up week before and leave their decorations to put on when they are here. They moan about it anyway so it will just make the whole thing easier.

Yup.

I'm going to put it up next week and leave their decorations for them to put on. DH can lump it or take it a down if he's that fussed.

We have joint toddler DC

Why not do it now whilst they’re here? Husband, you and toddler start, they’ll most likely join in. And if they don’t, they can’t really moan, they had their chance. Why next week?

I just don’t do this any more, we had one year with various kids parties with their friends & last minute commitments they had with their mum which meant we didn’t get it up until 21st. I do the main one in the living room by myself & have a smaller tree with separate decorations for their bedroom that we all do together later on. It’s turned out so much better to be honest, the big tree took ages & they’d get a bit bored and fighty halfway through. With the smaller one it’s enough for them to get excited & finish it, but not too much that they’re scrapping over who hangs which ornament

That seems a little confrontational?

Well I’m sure LO will love to see the tree going up asap. Put on the tunes, and get decorating today. Have a lovely time. 🎄

Let Mr Disney spin his wheels.

I don’t see anything confrontational about that OP. If anything, if they are with you this weekend then it’s inclusive. No fun for your child to wait until 17/18 December to enjoy a tree at home.

Does it?

I just don’t really get why you would wait. It’s best that all the kids take part, I think putting up the trees and decorations is a family activity and the most sensible time seems to be whilst you have the step kids. Doing it next week means doing it without them, doing it the week after means a house that doesn’t feel Christmassy. Now seems to make sense to me.

But surety a tree will be going up at their mum’s house at some point?

Why is it up to them when the tree goes up? This is the position people let SC fall into. Everyone tiptoeing round.

Yup that's my gripe

Yup. And their mum's boyfriend's house. So they in fact have the "joy" of 3 trees. No wonder they are grumpy about it tbh!

I’ve been there.. sympathies. Just put it up today. I used to be terrified if the fall out, but actually nothing happened when I started just standing my ground. Go for it!

All this. It’s really not about them and they shouldn’t be dictating

I'm confused why you're letting children dictate when and what you can do. Sorry but in our house they get told when the tree is going up, not asked (and sometimes they aren't even here when it does). They've never complained.

I think people put way too much control in children's hands with stuff like this.

My husband used to do this with things like going for a walk when they were young, if the weather was gorgeous and we wanted to get out of the house he'd ASK if they wanted to (to which they'd always say no) rather than say 'come on we're going out for some fresh air (which they always enjoyed once out!). Stuff like that is much less frustrating now they are old enough to stay at home alone if they say no but it used to wind me up... Don't ask just tell! I was never asked if I wanted to do every little thing as a child, I went where my parents told me to go and most of the time I had a good day doing it too, as did my DSC when they were made to leave their screens. But given the choice I'd have said no, just like they used to all the time.

I don't think children should always get to dictate what the whole family does. You are the adults, it is your house, you are the parents. YOU decide when the bloody tree goes up not them. Put it up today and let your toddler enjoy it for a decent amount of time. If they don't want to join in then fine but what pandering nonsense to sit around until the week before Christmas until children say you can do something.

They are there this weekend! If they want to join in then they can. If they choose not to then again that's up to them.

But yes it is pandering tip toeing nonsense to wait until a week before Christmas (especially when they aren't the only children in the home) just because they don't want to do it this weekend. They shouldn't be given the choice. It's this weekend, they can join in or not.

Why should OPs DC sit around without a tree for the majority of December? I'm assuming DSC will have one at their mums already or fairly soon if not so they get to have one there. Why shouldn't OPs child get to have their tree up because they have to wait around so long until DSC deem it acceptable to put up the tree?

Is this another example of resident children getting forgotten whilst scrambling to do everything in favour of DSC?

When I was a child, our tree went up a week before Christmas and not a minute earlier, that was Mum’s rule! No one died. But that’s because we were a ‘together’ family, not step kids, otherwise I expect the tree would have been up in October!

They are being selfish, actually. They are there this weekend, but THEY don’t fancy putting it up today, but also want the OP to wait until the next time they come. That’s selfish and entitled whether you’re a DC, SDC or you come from the moon.

What does pandering to this teach them?

I shudder at the thought of a blended family.

Single parent here. The Christmas children goes up PRECISELY according to what works for ME and MY CHILDREN.

The Christmas tree!!!

Exactly.

It should be whether they fancy the tree going up this weekend or not. It should be whether they fancy joining in or not but it's going up regardless.

They are there, they are capable of joining in. The fact they don't want to isn't reason not to do it.

Shouldn't be whether they fancy the tree going up**

I shudder at the thought of a blended family.

The problem with a blended family, is that very little blending takes place. It’s all about keeping the step children happy, often at the expense of the resident children. I always used to think that in a ‘new family’ scenario, the children from the first marriage someone got forgotten when the second marriage produced more children, but in reality it’s more likely to be the other way round, due to guilt.