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Original poster

not letting them take this stuff to their mums

93 replies

hallllo · 29/10/2022 08:38

Kids (shared DC 3 +4 and husband's two eldest 8 + 10) were supposed to go to a Halloween party tonight at my relatives, they do parties for all sorts of stuff and love hosting things! The kids were really looking forward to it.

Unfortunately relative tested positive for Covid yesterday so has had to cancel. Because all the DC were really looking forward to going I went and bought decorations, pumpkins to carve, party food, sweets etc.. so we could have a party at home.

My husband's ex has a habit of just telling us what's happening she'll decide X and assumes we shouldn't get a say. She's decided that as we aren't going to the party anymore she wants DSC back so they can go trick or treating with her youngest ones.

When we've said we have bought pumpkins, decs and food she's suggested we and the kids with some of it to her house.

The kids hate getting involved and will just tell each parent what they want to hear i.e. 'i don't mind staying here' to us and 'i don't mind coming home' to their mum. She has form for always doing this, her way or the highway.

AIBU saying if the kids go back to hers there is no way they are taking a load of party stuff with them for her and her other kids to use too. We'll just have a party with our kids and have left overs.

Husband hates arguing with her so thinks it's not a big deal sending them with pumpkins and food/sweets/some decs if they want to go back. I bought it out if my own pocket though so it's up to me.

I think if you want to insist on having the kids back fine but spend your own money then.

OP posts:
AnotherRoadsideAttraction · 29/10/2022 09:02

I’m most confused why the mother would be taking any of her kids trick or treating on any day other then Halloween?!

AnnapurnaSanctuary · 29/10/2022 09:02

They can't go trick or treating tonight! It's not halloween - no one will be expecting them. Surely no one goes trick or treating on 29 Oct?!

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 29/10/2022 09:02

hallllo · 29/10/2022 08:55

It should be our weekend. She has form for this though. If she doest have something better to do she wants them back (its week on week off, due back at hers Sunday night).

Show quote history

Your DH needs to actually stand his ground. It's his contact weekend with his children. She can't take that away from him.

This is what I would focus on.

AnnapurnaSanctuary · 29/10/2022 09:04

I agree with pp that the important issue here is that they shouldn't be going back early. Not whether to take the stuff with them.

harriethoyle · 29/10/2022 09:08

@hallllo does exw want them back because you've got covid or just because she's being a knobs?

RandomMess · 29/10/2022 09:09

It's your weekend with the DC so stick with that. You still have plans so the DC aren't free.

They could go home earlier Sunday and she could take them trick or treating then.

DifficultBloodyWoman · 29/10/2022 09:14

I love Halloween. Seriously love it.

But if anyone shows up at my house tonight (2 days early) they will be told to fuck right off. I will probably phrase it slightly differently but that will be the underlying message.

Halloween is and always has been 31st October. It is not the closest Saturday or Sunday night, and definitely not the closest Saturday AND Sunday And Actual All Hallows’ Eve!!!

Keep the kids, stick to your plans, have fun, and their mum can do her thing with them tomorrow or on the actual Halloween!

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 29/10/2022 09:15

Also and this really isn't an insignificant thing because it will lead to more disappointment, you cannot trick or treat on any day other than Halloween. If she takes them tonight or tomorrow no one will be ready for them. Trick or Treat isn't moveable , it only happens on 31st Oct, whatever day of the week that falls on.

Graciedogg · 29/10/2022 09:19

If its your dp's weekend with the children then ex has absolutely no say in what the children are doing. Your dp needs to put clear boundaries in place. Absolutely keep the children with you, it's where they're supposed to be and have your party.

Abraxan · 29/10/2022 09:28

harriethoyle · 29/10/2022 09:08

@hallllo does exw want them back because you've got covid or just because she's being a knobs?

The OP says it's the relative who was throwing the party who has covid I think, not her or the children's dad.

Abraxan · 29/10/2022 09:31

Like pp says, if it's your dh's weekend then i]he needs to stand up to her and say no.
Besides Halloween isn't this weekend. Party today/tomorrow is fine, but trick or treating shouldn't be until Monday evening. Any children coming to our estate before Monday will be sorely disappointed, based in previous years.

happinessischocolate · 29/10/2022 09:43

What time are they going home? I'd get them carving their pumpkins before they leave and then they can take a photo of it before they go. The only thing I'd let them take home is a Halloween costume as they grow out of them, but there again if you have younger kids they'll be needing them in a few years. Keep all your decorations and pumpkins it's not Halloween yet and you still have kids in the house.

Bonbon21 · 29/10/2022 10:08

Its your weekend with the kids.. somebody else having covid doesnt change that!!
Kids have their weekend as planned... she can snap her fingers and stamp her pretty little foot all she likes!!
Your dp needs to grow a backbone..

SpookyPanda · 29/10/2022 11:32

You paid for it so no. If your dad wants to buy it off you then he can knock himself out

SpookyPanda · 29/10/2022 11:32

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 29/10/2022 09:02

Your DH needs to actually stand his ground. It's his contact weekend with his children. She can't take that away from him.

This is what I would focus on.

Show quote history

Same

SpookyPanda · 29/10/2022 11:35

AnnapurnaSanctuary · 29/10/2022 09:02

They can't go trick or treating tonight! It's not halloween - no one will be expecting them. Surely no one goes trick or treating on 29 Oct?!

There are going to be people that try. It's stupid.

Thatskindafun · 29/10/2022 11:37

was it her day originally and she’s been flexible so they could come to a party, that’s now not happening? or she’s just demanding extra days with them? Surely the answer is no if it’s not her time and you already have plans

it sounds like you keep putting the kids in the middle, stop letting them get involved in the decision making.

Prinnny · 29/10/2022 11:37

It’s your weekend so they stay with you and you have your little party as planned. What weirdos go trick or treating when it’s not Halloween?!

SpookyPanda · 29/10/2022 11:39

Prinnny · 29/10/2022 11:37

It’s your weekend so they stay with you and you have your little party as planned. What weirdos go trick or treating when it’s not Halloween?!

Or if dad's a pushover they go. But either way you don't give them the party supplies unless dad reimburses you for it.

goldfinchonthelawn · 29/10/2022 11:45

Halloween and anything you buy for it is for the children. Wpork out what would give them more fun and let them do that. Send all the stuff you bought with them - you could hold back any big things that will last until next year but sweets, fresh pumpikns etc - they shoudl take those if they go. Being generous to ensure they have a good time is the best attitude. The stuff doesn't matter. Their experience does.

Bigbadfish · 29/10/2022 11:45

I would tell DH that they aren't going back. It's his parenting time. End of discussion. Block her until close to the actual handover time.

Also I would actually die on this hill. Cheeky mare. Time for you to tell her who's the HBIC in your house.

SpookyPanda · 29/10/2022 11:49

Bigbadfish · 29/10/2022 11:45

I would tell DH that they aren't going back. It's his parenting time. End of discussion. Block her until close to the actual handover time.

Also I would actually die on this hill. Cheeky mare. Time for you to tell her who's the HBIC in your house.

Not OP's call. If DH can't be bothered to see his kids that's up to him.

Bigbadfish · 29/10/2022 11:58

SpookyPanda · 29/10/2022 11:49

Not OP's call. If DH can't be bothered to see his kids that's up to him.

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He is going for an easy life. So I would stop being the easy option.

SpookyPanda · 29/10/2022 12:00

Bigbadfish · 29/10/2022 11:58

He is going for an easy life. So I would stop being the easy option.

Show quote history

OP doesn't get a say in which parent the kids are with. She does get a say in the haloween stuff she bought.

Bigbadfish · 29/10/2022 12:06

SpookyPanda · 29/10/2022 12:00

OP doesn't get a say in which parent the kids are with. She does get a say in the haloween stuff she bought.

Show quote history

She can absolutly make a point to her DH that she does expect the parenting plan to be followed. As an adult in the home she can draw her line into he sand where she is seeing her husband being pushed around by this woman.
He then has a choice. Stand up to his Ex or wife....let's see how good his survival instincts are.