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Original poster

Wills and step kids

61 replies

Padgie · 21/10/2022 11:57

Hi everyone. 22 weeks pregnant with first child. Engaged to partner with 7 year old son from ex wife. Drawing up a will for the first time. Not intending to leave anything for step son. Step son's mother earns quater of a million per year and has no other kids. Partner is upset by my intentions to only write my biological children into my will. Anyone in a similar scenario? Keen to hear how you set your arrangements and how those arrangements were received by your partner.

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bloodyeverlastinghell · 21/10/2022 12:13

I think you are reasonable your stuff goes to your kids. His stuff goes to all his kids. Presumably your step sons mother will leave him her stuff.

It sounds fair to me.

MeridianB · 21/10/2022 12:32

Partner is upset by my intentions to only write my biological children into my will.

What's his rationale for this? In reality it means his son inherits from three people, while your child inherits from two. How is that fair?

And what about an inheritances you get from family - should they be passed onto his son too?

He is BU!

PetalLeaves · 21/10/2022 12:44

If we had a good relationship, I would probably leave him a non monetary gift or just something to acknowledge that he was important to me. But you’re not being unreasonable in not including him in the will.

TiddleyWink · 21/10/2022 12:44

How many children that he isn’t related to is he leaving bequests for in his will?

I would be extremely worried if I was married to a
man who thought his first child should be given preferential treatment to our shared baby. Because that’s what he’s asking for - three inheritances for his child and two for yours. Not ok. At all. What other shit is he going to put on you in future?

HollyJollypup · 21/10/2022 12:49

i have 2 kids with my partner. (DD &DS)
He has 1 from before me. (dSD)

I plan to leave everything of mine ti my kids only and I expect my partner to leave it 3 ways

Dd- 41%
Ds - 41%
dsd- 16%
Approx.

extra 2% to pay the solicitor etc

SirMoose · 21/10/2022 12:54

My husband has included my daughter in his will, equally to our shared children.

SirMoose · 21/10/2022 12:55

And so has his parents.

WahineToa · 21/10/2022 12:55

Dd- 41%
Ds - 41%
dsd- 16%

Why does DSD get less?

Im from a step family and so is DH. My Dad is leaving things split between his kids and not my half brother. My DHs father died, he got nothing, his mother died when he was young, but his SM says she’s leaving him a share, he doesn’t intend to take it though. It varies. I don’t think anyone should expect money at all, but I wouldn’t expect a step parent left anything to a step kid

Sellorkeep · 21/10/2022 12:55

HollyJollypup · 21/10/2022 12:49

i have 2 kids with my partner. (DD &DS)
He has 1 from before me. (dSD)

I plan to leave everything of mine ti my kids only and I expect my partner to leave it 3 ways

Dd- 41%
Ds - 41%
dsd- 16%
Approx.

extra 2% to pay the solicitor etc

May I ask why he is not splitting it equally between all his children?

TeenDivided · 21/10/2022 12:58

I think Holly means her 50% split in 2 - so 25% and her DH's 50% split in 3, so approx 16% x 3, then 25%+16%=41%.

HollyJollypup · 21/10/2022 13:01

TeenDivided · 21/10/2022 12:58

I think Holly means her 50% split in 2 - so 25% and her DH's 50% split in 3, so approx 16% x 3, then 25%+16%=41%.

Yes this ^.

Thanks.

Sellorkeep · 21/10/2022 13:02

TeenDivided · 21/10/2022 12:58

I think Holly means her 50% split in 2 - so 25% and her DH's 50% split in 3, so approx 16% x 3, then 25%+16%=41%.

Impressive deduction!! I didn’t see that at all Grin

HollyJollypup · 21/10/2022 13:03

Sellorkeep · 21/10/2022 12:55

May I ask why he is not splitting it equally between all his children?

Show quote history

His HALF is being split equally between his children.

He only owns 50% of this house. I own the other 50%.

Pumpkinpatchlookinggood · 21/10/2022 13:04

Imo leaving for just your biological dc is fairest. Especially to your own dc. Surely them knowing they were your priority isn't wrong?

AlwaysLatte · 21/10/2022 13:05

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. In our case I have stepchildren and my own children split equally in my will but then we each had a house when we met and they won't get much from their mother (she has a new husband and he also has children, and their house is small).

AlwaysLatte · 21/10/2022 13:06

(NB we did our wills together, sane solicitor).

Madwomanuptheroad29 · 21/10/2022 13:07

My eldest child is not my husband's biological child and there is no contact with his biological father.
Our will treats all the children in our household equally, so my husband is leaving the same share of (very few) assets to all the children I gave birth to.

endofthelinefinally · 21/10/2022 13:09

Be very careful. If you get married this becomes more complicated. Remember that if you do get married any will you make now automatically becomes invalid and you need to make a new one (I know that it is possible to make a will in anticipation of marriage, but I have personal experience of that going spectacularly wrong). You are absolutely right to leave your half of the property and the rest of your estate to your child. Are you and your DP tenants in common? Do you have a mortgage? Do you have a deed of trust? Life insurance? Hopefully you have sorted all of this out already.

Imogensmumma · 21/10/2022 13:09

Not unreasonable at all… I have 2 DSS and my will is 100% to my DD

My DSS have two parents I am not one of them

I work hard and save for my daughters benefit, I love and care for my DSS’s but I’m not their mum and I am saving for my childs future

PurpleBrocadePeacock · 21/10/2022 13:12

I think the fair way to do it is as @HollyJollypup has done.

Person with 3 children gives each 16% and person with 2 children bequeaths each 25%.

The trouble comes in that the wills need to be written in such a way that one parent’ assets aren’t given entirely to their spouse and then split as per above if they pass away first.

This can cause an unintended distribution where one child is left out completely of one of their parents estates. In OP’s case if the husband were to die first leaving everything to her and then she were to die leaving everything to her son, with step-child getting zilch off fathers estate. That would be an unfortunate situation for family harmony and I can see why her husband would want to word HIS will carefully to avoid it.

(Considerations also to inherited money from grandparents might change the percentages).

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 21/10/2022 13:13

As long as your partner has his son in his will, I don't see why he would also need to be in yours.

MeridianB · 21/10/2022 13:14

Using a specialist estate planner could be helpful here.

This trade body can help you find one locally: www.step.org/

TwinsAndTiramisu · 21/10/2022 13:17

Each child inherits from both their biological parents.

Each child gets two inheritances.

He's expecting your shared DC to pass their inheritance to his DC from a previous relationship. His and his ex's child should get more, via YOU, in effect taking it directly from your own child you've had with him. And he's "upset" if the prior relationship DC doesn't get to take this from his newborn??

He wouldn't be my DH for much longer if he carried on with that blatant discrimination. Baby isn't even here yet and he's already being pushed into an inferior place.

WakingUpDistress · 21/10/2022 13:27

I think if you’ve been in your step children’s life like forever (eg you have lived with them/known them nice they were 5yo an they are now 27yo) AND you’ve been getting in really well then it makes sense to leave something for them in your will.

If you’ve been together for 2 years then it doesn’t.

I’d ask him why he think you should include dsc in your will. I suspect there will be some talk about being a family all together etc…
Which is hard. Because you’ll never be his dc mother or second mother or whatever. And I suspect he wouldn’t want you to.

Time for a chat about your respective roles in the family.

2bazookas · 21/10/2022 13:33

You're not even married, and he expects his previous child to benefit from YOUR Will? Dream on.

That is a red flag. Ignore it at your future financial peril.