ASC

[ijustdontknow1]

I know I'm going to get some stick with this but I need to get it off my chest.

I'm so fed up.

I was only helping doing the breakfast and after school drop off and pick ups for SD just before and while I was pregnant to help out as it was on my way to and from work and timings were ok but now I've been lumpered with normal school hour drop off/pick ups permanently whilst on maternity leave and no doubt when I return back to work but for two 

I hate doing them. I hate that everyone expects me to do them and I hate how everyone says 'you know what you was getting yourself into'.

I hate I don't even get asked if I'm ok with doing any extra days (when mum needs a hand or oh just offers to have her) and it's just assumed I will do it.

I hate I have to rush in the mornings with a new baby and I'm resentful tbh that I can't just have my maternity to chill out and not worry about planning my days around school hours.

It's making me miserable everyday. I don't know what to do because really I have no reason not to do them 

For what it's worth I do 3 pick ups and 3/4 drop offs a week.

So I cook dinner pretty much every night and do a lot of the housework but he does help quite a bit tbh!

In regards to our child he does help but I am BFing and do the majority.

Plus it's not just the school runs it's the getting ready before school and the care after school. It's a lot.

Our DS is usually a good sleep but if he wakes up in the night (like last night - multiple times) I don't want to have to be getting up.

And I felt absolutely knackered last night and this morning which frustrates me more because really on my maternity I should be able to just stay in bed while DS is still asleep and catch up on some myself! I had to wake up DS and rush him about I just really hate it.

But according to my OH I knew what I was getting myself into and that just what you apparently do. I just find having a baby and especially your first baby it's all so new and you are figuring everything out and tired along with every other bloody emotion let along having to take on the responsibility of your OH child pretty much constantly aswell but just expected to 'get on with it' 

OP, seriously, you are the only one who can change this. Your OH is being unreasonable but instead of becoming increasingly resentful, you need to take a stand. You’ve had lots of good advice on here, what are you going to do?

Sorry if i missed it, OP, but how old is your baby?

Wow - so after his comment yesterday, you still did school drop off?! 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

3 months old!

@DuchessDarty

I spoke last night with him and then we went to sleep so will speak about it again when he is home and see what the plan is. He did say he was going to sort it so we shall see.

Well that’s good, so change IS coming!

Awww, three months is so tiny. I totally understand that you have a lot on your plate. And I totally agree with the PPs that this is a very special time for you and your baby and you don't get the time back.

You both deserve happy, relaxed time to find your own rhthyms and be spontaneous with outings etc when you can. Your instincts to protect this time are not misplaced.

Wishing you luck with better outcomes from DP.

'Why did you get with someone who has a kid then'

Why did he get with someone without a kid then?

OP only you can change this, he can't even argue he's at work enabling you to be a SAHM (which would still be questionable logic tbh), he has zero justification to put his responsibilities onto you.

Do everyone’s clothes get washed separately or just the SC’s clothes? What about bedding, etc. Does DH have to do theirs because they are his kids?

Omg. Could have written this myself 12 months ago, I was in exactly the same situation during my mat leave. I feel for you, I felt so frustrated and resentful, like I was being completely unreasonable and mean saying no because like you I didn't really have much reason to, but I just didn't want the obligation!
So much pressure from other people, just the expectation that I would because what else was I doing?! It's really hard to say no without looking like a completely selfish and unreasonable cow!
I feel like I lost so many days of my mat leave just killing time in between school runs, I am
an hour away from my family and friends so I didn't feel like I had the flexibility to go and see anyone. Still resent it a bit now to be honest and I feel like they are days I could have spent bonding with my baby, days I'll never get back.
I actually think it's fine to do a couple if it helps out, I didn't mind the weeks when it was just the odd one, so maybe you could still do a handful just to show willing?
My best advice is definitely say no, or make your own plans so that the expectation just doesn't fall automatically on you. At least then if you're asked you can simply say "no, sorry I can't. I already have plans then".
Hope you get it sorted x

But according to my OH I knew what I was getting myself into and that just what you apparently do.

What he thought he was getting was a live in nanny and housekeeper with sex. I've seen so many men who do this. Replace the wife with a stepmum to do the skivvying. Sometimes so they can go 50:50 and not pay CS.

In reality it's the parents who need to sort it out.

Not sure why it matters but yes. DH does his and the DSCs' I do mine and our shared DC. So if anything he's not doing his share of DC's but I just do that as he's lazy and it won't get done otherwise. And yes DH does he kids beds, he doesn't mind, he is their parent. He's never asked me to do it.

It doesn’t matter as such I was just curious as I’ve not heard of this approach before. When I cook I do for all, when I wash clothes I do for all, when I change the bedding I do for all, etc, and same goes for when my DH does those things

My reply to that would be well, why did you have a kid then? Cause you certainly don't seem to be doing it!

I would simply turn around and say you will not be doing any school drop offs or pick ups. They're not your responsibility. They are taking advantage of you.