Really difficult situation

[Laladream]

Me and DH married for 2 years, together 5.

We have one child and he has older DC too from his past relationship.

His older children are early teens and are going through quite a bit at the moment with hormones and struggling with the fact they have two homes. This has never been (or they've never expressed anyway) an issue when they were younger but it seems it's starting to wear on them now, it's currently 50:50 and I think it would be fairer for them personally to allow them to change this if they want to but their parents don't want to. That's another thread.

Anyway, DSC love their sibling but they have expressed difficulty in the past that they get to live with DH full time, have the "happy together family" and all the rest. They are still very good and caring toward their sibling though so it doesn't seem to have built resentment or anything, just some difficult emotions.

On to the issue.. I'm pregnant, but it wasn't planned. DH has expressed before that he doesn't want anymore children but refuses to get the snip. I've been on the pill but was quite unwell a couple of months ago so suspect that may be what's happened, although not 100% sure. It's possible I've missed some and not realised but certainly not many or often.

Basically I want this baby, I don't want an abortion. It wasn't planned and I know DH said no more but now it's happened, I don't want to terminate.

DH is saying he doesn't think his older DC will cope with this right now and he's concerned for them and thinks it best that we don't go ahead. He appreciates it's not his decision but I can tell is trying to sway me by saying this about DSC even though it's probably true.

We had a bit of a tiff last night because I said basically I'm not basing whether or not to abort my baby on his children's feelings and if he was so dead set against the idea he should have had the snip years ago like I suggested then. He thinks it's selfish of me not to consider DSC.

But surely this is far too personal and too much of a big decision to base it on the feelings of someone else's children?

I can see why it’s a tricky time but you can’t have a termination based on how you think they may react especially as in a few months all could be different

YANBU, don't have a termination because his older kids won't like it. That's not a sound basis for a decision.

It's happened and he can't make you have a termination.
It's down to both of you why your pregnant. Even if this was what you did want otherwise you would of made sure you took the pill to prevent pregnancy.
It's happened and yes teens do adapt and if you include them there really shouldn't be a problem.
You DP is so out of order and he just probably doesn't want to start over again like back to the beginning.
It's nothing to do with his DC.
I am pregnant myself going all the way back to the beginning after having a teen can be quite scary you moved past all the milestone and nearly thinking your free well they almost adults.
It's your first I am assuming so you be excited and he like oh I don't think I can go through all this again.
Do what is best for you and if you have the baby his DC will be okay. They will love have a little bro/sis.

How DARE HE use his DC as a weapon to try and guilt you into terminating your pregnancy. Because that is what he is doing! How DARE he try to pressure you into terminating on the first place. If he didn’t want more kids he should have got off his lazy backside and had a vasectomy ages ago not as usual leave it it 100% up to the woman then blame her for it. Sorry but he is an utter b%@#$&-d. Men like him make me so mad. As you can tell. Has he actually ASKED his DC how they feel about? Of course not! So he can’t know how they’d react.