I'm 39 still have issues with my stepmum help

[Scorpio8]

My stepmum has always been jealous of me from when I was a child.
Not to say she hasn't helped me she has.
I didn't get on with her and we have had physical fights.
Let's just say when my dad, stepmum lived close to us she did help look after my son.
But then I would limit my contact with only saw my dad really. She is a very negative person.
Then my dad, stepmum moved last year away. But they live in a nice area now and near the beach.
My dad still hides giving me money me still. He booked accommodation and I was meant to pay him back well he said he pay half. He understands I don't work much and I would give him if I could.
My OH had noticed how she was and she keep watching my OH he does eat a lot. But I even was left with her myself. I still feel uneasy about conversations with her when no one around she can be really nosey.
I am 39 at this point I actually had enough of her bs growing up with her. I sat there while my OH, son, brother and dad went out. It was how is so and so a friend of mine. I thought why ask for this person if you don't really like her as to how she planned something for me. That's another long story.
That was my cue let me go for a walk can't sit here being asked many questions etc. So asked how do I get to these shops she said wait until my dad back. So I just said going for a walk found my own way to a shop and she did know where I was going.
I actually phoned my dad when I got there to pick me up on his way back.
In the car he made out my stepmum didn't know where I was going. Well she did as she wouldn't tell me how to get to a shop just said wait your dad will take you. I wasn't sitting with her being asked all sorts
I didn't cause much of seen in the car as the my brother, son and OH was there. But was like here we go.
We had to go somewhere so he dropped us all there and he went back and got her. It's obvious words were spoken by dad, stepmum.
I sat on the bench and she did ask so did you get what you wanted at this place didn't cause a scene. It was all left and blown over.
I noticed when my son went to go out with my dad somewhere she was trying to push my brother whom an adult to go. He did want to go but he wasn't actually bothered he was busy in his room.
Apart from that weekend was fine.
My issue is now that I am pregnant my dad and stepmum don't know yet. In fact my own mum don't know yet.
So I have planned on telling my dad he can tell my stepmum actually can't deal with her negative comments. Although my mum might be the same too.
My stepmum already had said about someone we know having a baby saying I couldn't have a baby now.
There is a lot with my stepmum but tbh glad they no longer live near by.
I just speak to my dad and do ask for her. I chat with my own mother every day.
Just wondering what she going to be like now I am pregnant.
My son is going to stay this week and he is happy I am having a baby.
I do hope she doesn't say something and he hates the fact I am pregnant. Just try make him feel he be left out etc.
She can be very nasty and always been jealous of me because she wanted a girl. I worry if I have a girl now how she will be but glad they have moved away.
I am trying not to think of it.
Even my OH said he didn't want her to know yet but because my son going there I have to tell them. He too excited at the moment to finally be have an older brother.
What would you do? Although nothing much she can say or do. Or me really just get on with my life got my mum and dad so really there reaction only thing I should care about.
Anyone still have a nightmare with their step parent even as an adult?

Maybe take her out for coffee and have a nice catch up 1 to 1. She is a human too. Clear the air.

I feel like this is some type of fairytale where you have cast yourself as Cinderella and her the evil sm and you will not if indeed you are nearly 40, take any accountability for your actions here.

She's evil and nasty but you let her be childcare.

Your nervous about telling her because your worried about her reaction but I don't think so worried you won't use her as childcare.

Adult fathers don't supplement their adult children lifestyles to cope because people work full time for a living and that's not a role of a dad.

Think of it this way your being bought to be a decent human being to your sm. every time he gives you money it's to essentially shut you up.

Your playing the pick me dance and at your age and the fact she's still around should tell you something. You haven't been able to get in between their marriage. That's gotta sting.

You are talking like a child and I suspect either than your younger than you are or have some developmental issues which makes these concepts harder to grasp so I'm gonna be very very direct.

Your pregnancy has nothing to do with her. The things you have stated don't make her evil at all, most people who really hate their sm won't leave their kids with her.

It's fine to go I just wanna spend time with dad and cut sm out. But that means you don't have childcare. Make your choice and stop painting yourself as a victim. Because your not.

I have seen questionable actions by sm and sd on this board and what you have stated isn't any of those things. I say this as a mum with a Dd who has a Dd. If you were my daughter I would tell you to politely grow up.

Maybe you should take responsibility for your own actions and stop being a shameless sponger, nobody owes you a living, grow up.

If she's such a bad person why did you use her for childcare when it suited you?

It seems to me that it's actually you that has a lot of growing up to do. The resentment you hold is clouding your perception and behaviour.

Perhaps you should have an adult conversation with her and sort this all out

No way are you 39.

Your dad has to feed and clothe your child and you're having another one? You can't have a conversation in their house and sneak out to ring your dad. It's funny tbh and something I would have done when I was 14 and messed up from my parents divorce.

Your parents (not your step mum) have messed you up. That's why your dad is giving you money and they're looking after your son.

If your dad is generous ask him to pay for some counselling. You need it.

I had two shitty step mums, I'm younger than you and a single parent. My parents don't give me handouts or buy my dc food and clothes. Get a job, stop chatting shit on the internet and grow up.

My mum always said your his number 1...
My dad just got me as his only daughter

Just to say it's a odd comment your mum would make and the fact she's saying that makes me think she's trying to reassure you on some level .

Probably because you sounded threatened by his wife who naturally will be his number 1 priority in relation to his adult children and you babble on to her.

That or the fact your younger than that here and your mums trying to get you less threatened/jealous of sm.

I would probably have more sympathy for you actually if you were younger or a child tbh because it's a child like view point that age should mature you out of.

Either way though you sound hard hard work tbh and if you are the age you state it's a good lesson to show that boundaries need to be established young.. or DSC grow up with this type of mentality.

Christ I'm gonna go call my sp and thank them for raising me correctly 😵‍💫 I just cannot relate.

You sound quite unhinged. I've never come across a post quite like this it's most bizarre.

I think the phrase is 'Are you on glue?'

I’m fairly confident your stepmum has never been jealous of you…

You all make me laugh this has become a thread of woman who just is heading so down the wrong line and feel feel really sorry for you all.

I have told my dad that I'm pregnant and told him you can tell sm.
My dad was very happy.
I haven't heard congratulations from her yet which says so much at the moment.
Tbh is her problem if she not happy I don't live my life to please. Only my parent tbh.
I will back with an update on her negative reaction.
Do all yourselves a favour keep being nice to SC don't turn into evil sm.
I still have hope some of you are good to your SC.

Your poor dad. Honestly I bet he wishes he could leave you all behind

This thread should be sign posted to all future step mums to show them inside the mind of a young adult who's parents have screwed them up and what they'll be getting in to.

Please get some counselling OP. It's odd to be this obsessed with your parents (esp your step mums) approval whilst still taking money from them and finding that a good thing.

I honestly can’t imagine giving a fuck what either of my parents think of me and my life choices; let alone either of my step parents, never mind being this wound up/obsessed with it.

I'm glad your dad was happy.

I will back with an update on her negative reaction it might be positive if you perhaps acted more kindly towards her?

Look after your own child(ren).

Pay for your own holidays/breaks. It is NOT your Dad's job to subsidise you because you 'don't work much'.

Stop assuming your SM is jealous. She's probably tired of putting up with your emotional blackmail and manipulation of your Dad. I'm certain she doesn't look at your face and see your biological mother.

You actually sound nasty, entitled, negative and like a typical brat who is perpetually annoyed that her Dad moved on.

It's him I feel sorry for.

@BecauseICan22
Stop assuming she isn't as you don't know her. You only know yourself.
Everyone knows it not just me lol. But I find the the responses so funny. My dad will always help me out not going to stop I am his daughter.
Like my Oh said he offers and I do refuse help. Think when you I tell him no he feels some sort of way.
Getting back to SM.
Today I was thinking today I actually feel sorry for her. She doesn't see her grandkids from from her first born. I think why she like the way she is because my dad sees my child. His grandson although my dad regards all the kids his grandkids.
I feel sad she doesn't have a good relationship with the eldest one. It's like I thought of something today.
Them kids school be staying summer with them like my one.
I think it says a lot when I am around the eldest he really makes funny comments towards his own mother.
I just don't understand my family tbh. I come across a right b but actually feel sad. It's gets to the point enough is enough she and even myself should have moved past all what happened in the past.
I hope that I don't need to come back and I just went OTT.
The way she made me feel so intimidated as a child. Has brought all that back anxious with how she react to my pregnancy. But can't keep top toeing around her like it's not my fault she hasn't got a girl she past the age now to have one.
At the end of the day my dad knows what she like and everyone does.
Even her own children really don't respect her. I have defended her even though she been horrible to me.
If only though one of them knew she was trying to slag of his wife before the wedding not sure if she wanted me to say something so I wouldn't go but kept my mouth shut.
Life is short to be nasty even I don't want to be. I am better than that.
I got no time for it no more. Hopefully she come round to my news. My dad even asked how my mum reacted.
Not even saying how my SM reacted lol.
I have no idea honestly why has to difficult with my family.

@chillipenguin

I really hope so and she happy.

But don't need her being negative. I shouldn't really need her approval at all. But suppose don't want to feel awkward.

It's just when I sent a card back for her she phoned up saying thank you. But thought she would of rang said congratulations.

Just leave her come round to it.

I literally do not understand half of your update.

She's called to say thank you for a card is that right ? And your annoyed at her...

Something about her child hating her.. and a camp.

I'm lost so so lost.

Your talking nonsense I'm surprised your updating when people aren't really interested

Laughing at people saying they surprised I updated and no one's but they did 🤣🤣

Strange people don't comment and then thread will move down the pile lol.

But you continue to do most entertaining thread I created.

*no one's interested yet you did.

Very much interested watching the thread and responding. So funny

Quite!!

I cannot believe this is a grown woman

Most bizarre thread.
Do you get drunk and just rant on here about your SM?

I'm thinking it sounds like most of the negativity, jealousy and issues are from your side and view point. She probably doesn't care about many of the things you are claiming she does.

Maybe focus on you, your child and your baby. It's most important that your dad is happy in his relationship, you don't have to like her.

Can I ask if English is your first language @Scorpio8?

A lot of your posts have strange grammar and syntax, parts of sentences missing/running into one another which makes your story hard to understand.

Don’t know how long you’ve been on MN but it would have been better if you’d (succinctly) mentioned all the facts, timescales and pertinent information in your opening post.

It’s very tricky to decipher your writing because of this and therefore we cannot understand your situation with your Stepmother fully.

There are lots of bits I don’t understand in your narrative including something about your father having another child that died?

If you could try and rewrite your original post with paragraphs and key points (so it doesn’t read like a stream of consciousness rant) then I’m sure this would be of great benefit to all of us.

This post was so confusing. I honestly can't see her being negative here sorry. She didn't know where you were going because you said you didn't know where the shops were. Also asking questions sounds like she was taking an interest. The baby thing I also didn't understand any of that. Who knows? I hope you all work it out.