DP's ex won't communicate with me

[greulsock]

*Name changed so it isn't linked

I have been living with DP and involved with his DC for 2.5 years now.

From about 18 months ago, I became the default for childcare if DP's ex was running late, had something on, and I now do school pick-ups in the week for them.

BUT she will not communicate with me about this? If she needs me to have them (as I'm the go-to), she'll message DP at work to message me and have me let him know and then let her know. She has my contact details, but she'll always message him to message me to ask and then report back.
It doesn't matter how urgently she needs me to watch them, she'll still contact him when he's working rather than messaging me.

I find this bizarre.
At this point, I feel as though it borders on rude that she wants (essentially) favours from me but won't ask me herself and doesn't ever communicate with me to thank me for jumping in?

Just seeking other opinions because it just seems so strange to me but DP doesn't see the big deal? I think he sees it as they're the coparents who deal with each other, so it makes sense just to communicate through them two?
I don't know.

But you’d expect her to look after your kids.

Stop letting your self be the dogsbody here. Her refusal to communicate with you directly when she’s asking if YOU can look after them is RUDE and ENTITLED. She should be ashamed of herself! And your DH is even RUDER and more ENTITLED than she is by saying yes without asking YOU and getting your ok first! Who do these pair of rude, entitled, self absorbed idiots think they are. Sorry but these sort of posts where the stepmother is treated like unpaid slave labour childcare make me sooo mad!

Has your DP actually suggested she contact you direct? Maybe she's under the impression it's the way you both want it for her to contact him. She might feel it's rude and not her job to ask you. As PPs have said, she's asking him for the favour and he's asking you. I'm not sure she's doing anything wrong.

I don’t understand this at all as if I need my child’s step mum to help me say I have a hospital appt etc I ask her direct and thank her direct I think it would be ridiculous to go through ex when he’s not doing me the favour. I don’t ask often to be fair but as an example this week i asked step mum to have my son overnight as I had an operation and his dad works away , she was happy to help sent me lots of updates and pics which was lovely I picked him up today thanked her gave her a box of chocolate and dad had nothing to do with any of it . She’s been in Ds life for 2 years now but this would have been my protocol from about 1 year in