Step daughter as bridesmaid

[weddingissues99]

Hi,

Just after a little advice really as I'm not sure if I'm being a bit of a cow.

Getting married in Dec to DP. I'll try and keep as vague as possible as DSD is on Mumsnet also.

I didn't really want a harem of bridesmaids, simply my oldest friend to be MOH and two nieces (both under 8) to be little bridesmaids/flower girls. We are also trying to keep costs low and the flower girls will just have quite basic childrens dresses.

DP sort of assumed today that I will be asking his DD to be a bridesmaid and if I'm honest I'm very thrown by it, she's an adult herself with her own children but quite princess like and I know it will throw off the balance on the day getting ready and leading up to it (MOH is extremely relaxed and happy to wear whatever - likely an ASOS dress under £50).

I'm sort of hoping I ask and she doesn't fancy it? Is this normal to expect a grown up step child to do? I sort of thought it was the "brides side" who would be in the bridal party or am I just being a bit nasty?

You know I don't often agree with you but I'm gonna take the positives where I can and say completely agree with this.

Being a adult bridesmaid with kids is hell.on.earth

Oh my God, a buggy being pushed up the aisle...

Absolutely not necessary.

This is your day and you are under no obligation to ask his adult child to be in your wedding party.

How very bloody presumptuous of him.

You haven't asked your sister but his daughter is entitled to an invite?

Nope.

If he has a problem, rethink the wedding.

OP at my dad and step mums wedding I didn't have a role and didn't expect to tbh. I consider her family and love her to death but I think it would have been awkward getting ready together etc, I was 20 at the time. I was included in so many other ways though, I had an assigned seat on the front row; the chair had a tag with my name on and daughter which made me cry because I didn't expect it at all, I had similar at the meal and was mentioned in both my dads and the father of the bride speech. They also asked for a few pictures with me specifically and I got one with just me and my step mum. I was really touched and it was perfect.

I don’t know if I’d ask an adult - I had my DSD but she was only 5! Could she do a reading or be part of the ceremony in some other way?

Obviously you can choose who you like but you’re storing up problems for yourself if you try to erase important family members especially your DH children. Can you ask her to do another important role?

She’s an adult with her own children? Absolutely no need to ask her to do anything, especially as you’re only having a very small wedding party anyway.

There's a difference between erasing someone and not making them a bridesmaid. Erasing them would be not inviting them.