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Original poster

Can I pick up my stepson from nursey without the mothers consent

73 replies

Daiseyrose · 06/07/2022 13:39

I know. Please know this is a hard situation.

My stepson goes to a daycare. His mum is going off, last minute - less than 2 weeks notice-, for 2 weeks on a pissup and is refusing to help sort out childcare for us (we work, she doesn't).

Do you think we can talk to the nursey and see about me picking him up and dropping him off (unfortunately my partner works till 6).

Is it wrong? I know this seems like a quick ask but we don't know what to do. She is making everything so hard for us.

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GreenIsle · 06/07/2022 13:40

Can the dad not give consent instead of her.

justaquickie122 · 06/07/2022 13:41

Do they know your partner? Does he ever do pickups or drop offs?

I see no reason why they would refuse if he explained the situation and gave his permission. Not sure how it would work if they aren't familiar with either of you though.

FlowerTink · 06/07/2022 13:41

If you have consent from dad you can

ReeseWitherfork · 06/07/2022 13:41

No. But surely the dad can just give consent?

Jas5mum · 06/07/2022 13:42

Usually if the staff don't know you then you need a password to pick a child up. A lot of schools and nurseries have them. Are you on the emergency contact list? Are you on the pick up list?
Every setting will have different policies so why not look on their website to find out what the policy is?

BeyondPurpleTulips · 06/07/2022 13:44

If the dad has PR (and sees the child) and you are married, I think that would reasonably cover the nursery's legal responsibilities. It's not actually the law that they only give the child to a parent.

Nadal · 06/07/2022 13:46

Of course this is possible if your husband speaks to the nursery.

KylieKoKo · 06/07/2022 14:04

I mean if she's going away and can't do it herself then she doesn't have much choice unless she is happy for him to make his own way home which seems unlikely!

But surely his dad can just give consent. I don't see why she has to be involved at all.

lunar1 · 06/07/2022 14:08

Your husband can give permission when he picks up or drops off.

KylieKoKo · 06/07/2022 14:16

@Daiseyrose , I also want to point out that this isn't your issue to sort out.
Your partner and his ex need to sort this between them. If you do all the pick ups and drop offs you are just enabling not to have to sort anything themselves ...

CrapBag39 · 06/07/2022 14:19

Let dad sort it

Ruffelo · 06/07/2022 14:22

Does your husband not have a copy of the nursery enrollment terms and conditions? For us it was always permission given via recognised email (i.e. one of the ones on the child's registration forms), with a photo of the new person and dates when they will be allowed to do pick-up. Then the new person had to bring ID with them. Some of nurseries did passwords too.

Original poster
Daiseyrose · 06/07/2022 14:25

I know the ex, she tells me all the problems with my partner.
He does do pick up and drop offs too but he is currently going for a promotion, and his boss is reasonable but not have 2 weeks off reasonable. We are not married (yet) so that might complicate it.

I know it's not my problem, she does this ALL THE TIME, if we say no or try to compromise we are told he will lose his son. She seems forgets the only reason she even has a social life is because we have him.

When it comes to the nursey, we are a little ? worried? There's a 5 person name list and she put her mate on it instead of me. We don't want more agro from her, but also want the best for my stepson.

OP posts:
Wishenpoof40 · 06/07/2022 14:26

Another one who says dad can give you consent as he has PR - it also depends if Dad is known to nursery - my daughter doesn't see her father and therefore isn't known to the nursery, some go on a PR basis and some go on a "known to" basis - it really depends.

liveforsummer · 06/07/2022 14:26

Well if mum has said to nursery that dad will do it, it will be fine for dad to then say you will do it. No drama to be had. Is she going on an actual 2 week piss up or having a 2 week holiday? Would your partner be able to take a 2 week holiday if he wished?

Wishenpoof40 · 06/07/2022 14:26

Why doesn't dad pick up the phone to nursery and explain the situation to them and take some ownership of the situation?

Lovemusic33 · 06/07/2022 14:30

She seems forgets the only reason she even has a social life is because we have him No….your dh/dp has him because he’s his son 🤔

Of course you can pick him up from nursery with your dh’s consent, he is the child’s father and I’m guessing has PR the same as the child’s mother.

Footbal · 06/07/2022 14:31

@Daiseyrose, Is this the full story?

Original poster
Daiseyrose · 06/07/2022 14:32

@liveforsummer
It's for a wedding in Ibiza. Apparently she was originally going to take him, I wonder why she changed that...

Don't get me wrong, we don't care if she goes off on holiday but we need noticed. If she told us a few months ago we could of taken time off and taken him on holiday or at least sorted childcare.

He can't get two weeks off with a weeks notice, he can do a day or two from home but that's the best we have. My boss doesn't mind for me either, but we still need to cover 5 days.

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Original poster
Daiseyrose · 06/07/2022 14:34

@Ruffelo nope, like I said she's making it so hard from us. Even when my partner picks him up from nursey she is there.

We get no information from her. Just three weeks ago he was I'll, she said he wasn't eating because "he was going through a growth spurt". We took him to hospital and he had tonsillitis.

So when I say no information, we mean zero -nada.

OP posts:
Hibiscusroses · 06/07/2022 14:39

@Daiseyrose if your partner is named on the birth certificate he has parental responsibility and he can authorise you to collect him; you don't need mum's permission.

Original poster
Daiseyrose · 06/07/2022 14:39

@Lovemusic33 sorry, by that I meant that we pick up when she wants to go out. We are happy to stay in every weekend and chill, she wants to go out clubbing. So she really doesn't have a social life as it is suppose to be every other weekend (only weekend ATM because of work - weeks when he goes to school)

Don't get me wrong she can do what she likes but he is his DAD not a glorified babysitter. We even asked if she could have him my birthday (it's a Saturday this year) in October and she said she can't as she "already has plans", it's the first time we've asked - we had him last year but it was my 29th so we weren't bothered.

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Original poster
Daiseyrose · 06/07/2022 14:42

@Hibiscusroses no, not at all. We've been though so many problems that my partner is close to calling social services. But doesn't what his son to become more unstable.

I feel like this woman hasn't stopped being a 15 year old in school. It's just unreal.

OP posts:
HotDogKetchup · 06/07/2022 14:43

Aslong as they have consent of one parent it’s fine.

liveforsummer · 06/07/2022 15:00

It's not a social services issue because she goes out and a wedding in Ibiza isn't necessarily a 2 week piss up but I can see why she'd want to go child free especially if it's not an especially child friendly trip. It's fine for your partner to be the one who's responsible for taking him to hospital if the symptoms persist while he's with you. Sounds like you do kind of see yourself as glorified babysitters rather than one half of an equal and responsible parent. Some more notice would have been ideal but there needs to be leeway. What haploid she needed to be admitted to hospital for example? What if you suddenly got offered a last minute holiday. You'd be able to go.