Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Original poster

Weekend Away

74 replies

ChocBloc · 28/04/2022 17:16

Is it ok for me to take DH and shared DC away for a weekend away in the UK? Without the DSC. I was going to pay for the actual weekend away bit but would expect meals etc to come from our shared account.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
Original poster
ChocBloc · 28/04/2022 17:18

Don't really want to suggest it if it's not on. I can't work it out in my head!

OP posts:
TheLadyofShalott1 · 28/04/2022 17:20

Sorry, without knowing about the usual setup it is impossible for me to advise.

Original poster
ChocBloc · 28/04/2022 17:22

What do you need to know. We have DSC every other weekend and half the holidays. Their mother is alive.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChocBloc · 28/04/2022 17:23

Sorry didn't mean that flippantly, just that she is around so it's not grandparents looking after them etc.

OP posts:
familyissues12345 · 28/04/2022 17:32

A weekend you'd normally have them? Or not?

lunar1 · 28/04/2022 17:33

Does your husband want to go away without all his children? And would it affect contact?

Original poster
ChocBloc · 28/04/2022 17:34

I'd choose a weekend they weren't due to be with us otherwise it doesn't seem right to mess with contact.

OP posts:
RoyKentsChestHair · 28/04/2022 17:39

It’s not really up to us to decide if it’s ok, it’s whether your H is up for it.

FWIW my XP wouldn’t have been comfortable doing this with my DCs and would have wanted to include his DCs (although he’d have expected me to be ok with going away with his DCs and not mine!) We would go out for dinner etc with only one set of DCs but tbh if I don’t have mine I don’t really want to spent time with someone else’s 😂

Step families are all so different, the only thing you can do is to discuss it like adults, don’t let him guilt trip you into anything and if all else fails do something with your DCs and something else with just the two of you.

familyissues12345 · 28/04/2022 17:40

ChocBloc · 28/04/2022 17:34

I'd choose a weekend they weren't due to be with us otherwise it doesn't seem right to mess with contact.

I don't think the occasional thing like this is the end of the world.

I think it's unreasonable to cancel contact for it (which you aren't).

Will you have other holidays etc involving the step children?

Original poster
ChocBloc · 28/04/2022 18:15

Step families are all so different, the only thing you can do is to discuss it like adults, don’t let him guilt trip you into anything and if all else fails do something with your DCs and something else with just the two of you I think you're right, he's going to have to decide really.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChocBloc · 28/04/2022 18:16

Will you have other holidays etc involving the step children? not this year, DH can't afford it which is why I was planning a weekend away.

OP posts:
GimmeUrCoffee · 28/04/2022 18:40

It's fine. Although I'm sure someone will be along to tell you how your step child will end up in therapy for the rest of their life due to it.

In the real world though, it's fine. Your life doesn't stop on weekends when DSC aren't there.

Rtmhwales · 28/04/2022 18:44

We do this all the time (though we also do all main/major holidays with the DSC and just weekends away with DS). But they also do stuff away with just their mum, so why am I missing out? I don't put up with this sad parent guilt either. As much as I "knew what I was getting into" so did DP when he chose to create a second family. We aren't playing second fiddle.

twopoes · 28/04/2022 18:46

I think if this is the only holiday this year then I'd include all the children.

It would be different if you were planning another whole family trip.

Original poster
ChocBloc · 28/04/2022 18:46

Thanks everyone. I'm always second guessing myself in case I'm about to put my foot in it big time re the DSC. I shall ask tonight.

OP posts:
Blendiful · 28/04/2022 18:47

Perfectly fine. If it's not on a weekend they would usually be with you, they won't know any different and very well could be doing their own thing with their mum for all anyone knows.

No issue with it and if you are paying because DH can't afford it you can't be expected to pay for even more people than you are already.

Blended families are difficult but things like this shouldn't really be an issue. You can't do everything with everybody in a blended set up.

Original poster
ChocBloc · 28/04/2022 18:48

twopoes · 28/04/2022 18:46

I think if this is the only holiday this year then I'd include all the children.

It would be different if you were planning another whole family trip.

It changes the dynamic of the trip due to age differences and needing two family rooms that way. I'm not paying for my DH to look after his other kids in one room while I'm on my own with DC.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChocBloc · 28/04/2022 18:49

Blended families are difficult but things like this shouldn't really be an issue. You can't do everything with everybody in a blended set up. yes I think I'm just way overthinking it. We try to make sure we aren't doing ALL the fun stuff while DSC aren't here but we don't wait for them to be here. It'll be fine.

OP posts:
aSofaNearYou · 28/04/2022 19:37

Some people in your DHs position have an issue with it but me and DP have done this plenty of times (with DD). Not an issue here.

NarcissasMumintheDoghouse · 28/04/2022 19:39

Yes.

You have a right to do things for, and with, your bio-kids without your stepkids.

liveforsummer · 28/04/2022 19:54

I know my dc wouldn't care less if their dad went away with his girlfriend and her ds, in fact he's done it and it didn't even register with them and the child isn't even his. Personally I don't see the problem when it's not his contact weekend unless there's some sort of back story

MeridianB · 28/04/2022 19:54

The only consideration is whether it’s their contact weekend and you’ve already considered that, so just have a brilliant time.

DSCs don’t have to do everything all the time, in the same way that DH will surely spend time with just his older children sometimes.

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/04/2022 19:57

Of course it’s fine! Book it for when you don’t have them and have a lovely time. Your DC shouldn’t be missing out if you can afford to go away with them.

lunar1 · 28/04/2022 20:22

If there is an age gap you can take your joint child on a weekend geared for them. Would your husband be able to afford a day/night away somewhere his older DC would love separately?

Being treated equally doesn't mean being treated the same.

Starseeking · 28/04/2022 20:37

It's absolutely fine for you to do, but whether or not your DH would see it the same way is another matter.

My EXDP couldn't even go to Tesco without bemoaning his Disney Dad guilt, and trained his DS, and then our DS to do the same. Very soon his DS was saying we shouldn't have gone to my niece's birthday without him (it didn't fall on his weekend), and our DS was saying we couldn't go to the park without DSS being there!