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Original poster

Weekend away causing friction

53 replies

FrankensteinsWeeny · 25/04/2022 08:33

My mum's birthday is in a few weeks and for it I am taking her away for the bank holiday at the beginning of June with me and my son who is 2, leaving the Wednesday evening and coming back Sunday evening.

I have booked and paid for this and my mum doesn't know anything about it yet. We have a few nice things planned for whilst we are there.

My husbands son is due to be with us that week. This long weekend away was not a problem until recently when my husband has been invited to a friend's stag do which falls over that weekend.

He is now asking if I can take my step son on this long weekend with my mum and our DC. It wouldn't cost extra for accommodation as I have booked an Airbnb but would give me money for him whilst there.

I've said no and he's now annoyed. Saying I'd take him if he were my son, my mum won't even mind, step son loves my mum so why not etc etc..

I'm really peed off. I feel like I can't just do anything with my child and family sometimes without him making it about him or DSS.

I'm sticking to my guns and have said he'll have to figure something else out (his mum is working so can't swap).

OP posts:
LittleOwl153 · 25/04/2022 08:39

I feel like I can't just do anything with my child and family sometimes without him making it about him or DSS.

You can - its not about your trip. Its because you are inconveniencing the man-child who might have to do some parenting for a change! Oh dear didums... 😂

AnneLovesGilbert · 25/04/2022 08:47

YANBU to say no at all. He’s being ridiculous. How old is your SS? Would he even want to go? How well does your mum know him?

All irrelevant anyway. If you were away with just your mum and he was due to have both his DC then got a better offer would he insist you changed your plans and had to take them both?

He can’t go to the stag because he’s looking after his child. Oh well. It’s part of being a parent. He’ll have to suck it up.

Have a fab time with your mum :)

Original poster
FrankensteinsWeeny · 25/04/2022 08:50

Think this is the sticking point really in that yes DSS probably would like to go, he really likes my parents. They aren't super close but he enjoys spending time with them.

Wouldn't be so bad if he was with his Dad at home doing something by themselves but if DH does manage to find alternative childcare for him it would be a bit shit for him to see me and DC going off with my mum and him going staying with DHs brother or something who he doesn't see often (which is who I imagine he'll ask next).

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 25/04/2022 08:50

So he’ll have to cancel the stag to look after his child. Easy.

Alwayspaintyournails · 25/04/2022 08:50

Your DH was perfectly content with the plans until he had a better offer and now he wants to ditch his son yet make you look like the bad guy… the father of the year award will be winging its way to him!

ilovemyboys3 · 25/04/2022 09:26

I wouldn't want the responsibility of taking another child away and quite frankly wouldn't want too. Why should you have too!

Simply, if mum is working and it's dads weekend then he has to suck it up and he cannot do what he has been invited too. That's life, he cannot just assume you'll step up and parent his child because he's got a better offer.

Snog · 25/04/2022 09:31

I agree this is about him wanting to ditch his child in favour of a stag weekend. Which is not a great look.

Don't let him switch this around to make you the bad guy OP.

FinnRussell · 25/04/2022 10:24

YANBU. He needs to say no to the stag weekend.

EL8888 · 25/04/2022 10:26

No, just no. He needs to parent his own child. When you’re a parent then sometimes you miss out of stuff, it’s just one of those things

aSofaNearYou · 25/04/2022 10:27

Wtf? Your DH is being staggeringly unreasonable to expect this or try and make you the bad guy. Don't make him you feel guilty, it's obvious he should be the one declining his stag invite, not only because he is the parent (reason enough) but because your plans predate his. He is being incredibly cheeky.

HandbagsnGladrags · 25/04/2022 10:48

No way should be expect you to become default childcare. Maybe he needs to speak very nicely to his ex to see if she will swap weekends. But if she can't, tough shit. He misses the stag do.

Litt1eDorrit · 25/04/2022 10:50

Oh dear, he can’t go then.

SoggyPaper · 25/04/2022 10:51

I totally agree that he’s being a dick. And throwing in the ‘you’d do it if he was your child’ thing only makes it so much worse.

You have plans. He needs to decide whether he wants to cancel the stag do since he’s got parental responsibilities or try to negotiate a weekend swap in contact with the SC’s mother.

Either way, he’s totally ridiculous to try to make this your problem and to make you out to be unreasonable.

Marblessolveeverything · 25/04/2022 10:53

He is manipulating you emotionally - it is nothing to do with DSS it is to do with his ability to assign responsibility for his son so he can go to the stag. Hold the line or you will create a precedent. And watch out for the narrative - "Step Mother wouldn't even take you....." correct it immediately - I had my arrangements - you changed to facilitate a stag!

Willyoujustbequiet · 25/04/2022 12:20

Well I can see why he is her ex.

MsSquiz · 25/04/2022 12:29

Your weekend plans were booked in first so he can't attend the stag do. It's really that simple.

Don't engage in more conversation about it. You, your son and your mum have plans, he is responsible for his son that weekend. So he either asks his ex to swap weekends or he doesn't go to the stag do

newbiename · 25/04/2022 12:38

I'd have left both the kids with him.

Original poster
FrankensteinsWeeny · 25/04/2022 12:45

Thanks!

One of his arguments is that it's a child based weekend anyway because our son is going (and it will end up being all about him haha! My mum spoils him rotten!) So it won't make any difference and that my mum wouldn't mind.

To be fair mg mum probably wouldn't mind but to be totally honest, I would. I'm looking forward to having the time just us and just with DS.

OP posts:
Chilledchablis1 · 25/04/2022 12:48

It’s quite short notice for stag do . The ones my DS goes to tend to be arranged months in advance . In fact he has one arranged for September 2023 !

ChocolateHippo · 25/04/2022 12:52

Why doesn't he talk to his son's other parent and see if she can do him a favour and swap weekends? That would be the sensible thing to do rather than expecting you to take his DSS away with you.

How old is your DSS anyway? Ime older children completely change the dynamic as they don't nap, go to bed later and require a different sort of interaction/entertainment to toddlers. They also butt in more on adult conversations.

Maydaysoonenough · 25/04/2022 12:57

Would your dc have a better time with a partner for the fun stuff?

serenghetti2011 · 25/04/2022 12:58

So did he accept the stag do before or after asking you if you could take him? Why would anyone when they know they have responsibilities do this? Then make you feel bad? Sounds a peach of a man. Surely if it’s his weekend he’s not seen him for a while but rather than enjoy some nice 1:1 with his child he palms him off on someone else. Sad for the kid that his dad doesn’t want to spend time with him given a lovely opportunity.

hope you and your mum have a lovely weekend op, don’t feel bad or guilty this is all on him.

serenghetti2011 · 25/04/2022 13:03

So did he accept the stag do before or after asking you if you could take him? Why would anyone when they know they have responsibilities do this? Then make you feel bad? Sounds a peach of a man. Surely if it’s his weekend he’s not seen him for a while but rather than enjoy some nice 1:1 with his child he palms him off on someone else. Sad for the kid that his dad doesn’t want to spend time with him given a lovely opportunity.

hope you and your mum have a lovely weekend op, don’t feel bad or guilty this is all on him.

Original poster
FrankensteinsWeeny · 25/04/2022 13:12

It's a bit of a quick wedding! Bride and groom have been together a while, it's quite an informal do and they just want to get married as soon as possible. It's one of his close friends.

My step son stays with us 50% of the time, often more! It's one week on one week off at the moment and that week is the week he's with us. It's not an EOW thing and he quite often ends up with us for more than his week sometimes (that's another thread).

OP posts:
Original poster
FrankensteinsWeeny · 25/04/2022 13:13

It's a bit of a quick wedding! Bride and groom have been together a while, it's quite an informal do and they just want to get married as soon as possible. It's one of his close friends.

My step son stays with us 50% of the time, often more! It's one week on one week off at the moment and that week is the week he's with us. It's not an EOW thing and he quite often ends up with us for more than his week sometimes (that's another thread).

OP posts: