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Original poster

Weekend away causing friction

53 replies

FrankensteinsWeeny · 25/04/2022 08:33

My mum's birthday is in a few weeks and for it I am taking her away for the bank holiday at the beginning of June with me and my son who is 2, leaving the Wednesday evening and coming back Sunday evening.

I have booked and paid for this and my mum doesn't know anything about it yet. We have a few nice things planned for whilst we are there.

My husbands son is due to be with us that week. This long weekend away was not a problem until recently when my husband has been invited to a friend's stag do which falls over that weekend.

He is now asking if I can take my step son on this long weekend with my mum and our DC. It wouldn't cost extra for accommodation as I have booked an Airbnb but would give me money for him whilst there.

I've said no and he's now annoyed. Saying I'd take him if he were my son, my mum won't even mind, step son loves my mum so why not etc etc..

I'm really peed off. I feel like I can't just do anything with my child and family sometimes without him making it about him or DSS.

I'm sticking to my guns and have said he'll have to figure something else out (his mum is working so can't swap).

OP posts:
Swayingpalmtrees · 25/04/2022 13:19

Absolutely you do not change your plans!
This is HIS responsibility to sort out plans if he wants to go on the stag, and it is not your problem.

Stick to your guns, this is a special weekend with your Mum and it is a bloody cheek that he has even asked you to look dss. A nine year old is very different to a two year old, and it will be much more for you in terms of keeping them entertained, enjoying down time in the evenings with your Mum when your toddler is asleep and a massive imposition. I would refuse and end the discussion. I hope your dp does not always take advantage of you like this op. It does not bode well.

Swayingpalmtrees · 25/04/2022 13:20

**Much more work

Eggshelly · 25/04/2022 18:29

He's trying to pull on the heartstrings as he wants to go our and get pissed. Tough he should have thought of that before he had kids.

PrincessPaws · 25/04/2022 18:32

It seems quite a simple one really, you already had plans and it's his child. He just can't go to the stag do! And don't let him emotionally blackmail you because 'you will already have a child there', because the age difference means you are likely to have to change plans or he'll be bored.

MrsKeats · 25/04/2022 18:33

Stick to your guns. Stag dos are the work of the devil I think.

Eggshelly · 25/04/2022 18:34

MrsKeats · 25/04/2022 18:33

Stick to your guns. Stag dos are the work of the devil I think.

Why? I think a stag do is fine. What's not fine is a dad dumping his kid on someone else who already has plans.

VioletHills · 25/04/2022 18:36

Definitely definitely stick to your guns.

Blendiful · 25/04/2022 20:06

No, stick to your guns. Whether DSC would like it or your mum would mind etc is all irrelevant really. You booked it you, your mum and your DS. He may give you money, but it's another kid to look after and time your mum doesn't get with her grandchild. She may like you DSC and that's great, but it's not her grandchild and I'm sure she'd love time just the 2 of you. It's her birthday and it's about her and what she would like, but also you as you've planned and paid for it.

He should be embracing the time alone with his DS and I imagine originally that was the plan, time alone with his child which I imagine doesn't happen that often, not this amount anyway.

He's had an offer he wants and is now trying to make you facilitate it without feeling bad (because she's effectively choosing a stag do over time with his kid) if he send him with you DSC will have a good time and he can go to stag do guilt free.

No, this isn't about how he gets to feel at exchange for your feelings and wants. He arranges something else or, ideally, he doesn't go!

MadeForThis · 25/04/2022 20:23

He was happy for dss to stay behind when there was no stag do planned. Strange how it's only an issue now.

Shinyandnew1 · 25/04/2022 20:28

MadeForThis · 25/04/2022 20:23

He was happy for dss to stay behind when there was no stag do planned. Strange how it's only an issue now.

This. You are not his childcare so he can go off and do what he wants. He needs to make alternative plans.

MrsTerryPratchett · 25/04/2022 20:37

If it's a sudden stag they will expect people to not be able to make it.

Not a good look him trying to guilt trip you so he can have time away. Next time leave them both with him.

Starseeking · 25/04/2022 21:25

Looks like he won't be going to the stag do as he has to look after his DS. Oh well

thebabynanny · 25/04/2022 21:29

This is about your DH ditching his son for a stag do - don't let him make it about you!

JacquelineCarlyle · 25/04/2022 21:32

I agree with those saying he's ditching his son for a stag do & yet trying to make out your the bad guy. You've said no, which you're perfectly entitled to do, so it's up to him to sort it for himself, not guilt trip you!

Moodycow78 · 25/04/2022 21:34

Well your DH is right really, if DSS was your son you would take him, but he's not so you're not!

Beamur · 25/04/2022 21:35

Is it a stag weekend or just an evening out? He can get a babysitter if it's an evening.

HotDogKetchup · 26/04/2022 06:53

Alwayspaintyournails · 25/04/2022 08:50

Your DH was perfectly content with the plans until he had a better offer and now he wants to ditch his son yet make you look like the bad guy… the father of the year award will be winging its way to him!

All of this.

would his mum be happy with these plans? I wouldn’t be surprised if she’d rather swap weekends.

HotDogKetchup · 26/04/2022 06:56

Sounds like the children have an age gap too? Your smallest will probably be happy tagging along in a pushchair, eldest will need some more structured entertainment

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 26/04/2022 07:25

I have a nearly 2 year old and a 5 year old. I would take the 2 year old with me on a weekend with my mom and he'd cause little disruption, I'd also take him on a lunch with friends if I needed to- the 5 year old would COMPLETELY change the dynamic and there would be no hope of adult conversation.

Swayingpalmtrees · 26/04/2022 08:11

It is very poor form that he prioritises a stag do over time with his son.
That speaks volumes and should be the focal point of the conversation, and not whether he can/not come to your weekend away.

Magda72 · 26/04/2022 09:42

I think it's perfectly ok for him to want to go to the stag do - he's not 'ditching' his son he's just doing a one off thing with his mates! That hardly makes him a bad parent as implied by many here.
What IS wrong with this scenario is that he expects op to adjust her previously made plans to accommodate his last minute plans!
Both he & his ex should have emergency, back up childcare in place for moments like this. If op CHOOSES to be emergency backup care at times that's fine, but this time she has stated she cannot do it. If they have no back up on either side then it's up to them to work out between them which of them has THEIR son for the weekend. The mother either swaps work (I'm not saying she should but she might choose to as a favour) or the dad forgoes the stag.
Either way this is not op's problem.

RosieLemonadeAndSugar · 26/04/2022 09:46

He shouldn't have agreed to the stag do unless he could find alternate care. He knows your away and its already booked. It's unfair to ask you to now change your plans to accommodate him. He needs to find an alternative arrangement for his son or cancel.

MeridianB · 26/04/2022 18:37

He’s behaving like a first class shit. His problem to sort. It’s one thing to ask or suggest that DSS goes with you, but all his comments about ‘you would if it was your child’ are really unpleasant and would dent my respect for him. Does he have form for this?

Gowithme · 26/04/2022 18:47

Wow, he'd rather dump his child on someone else then say no to a stag do. What a dick. He wants you to take him so he doesn't have to feel guilty about it - don't let him get away with that.

Ohquietone · 26/04/2022 19:00

That’s really crappy. You had plans arranged and now he wants you to rearrange your plans. He’s behaving like a jerk to get you to change your plans.