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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Not cooking nice meals for DSC anymore

110 replies

Juggle42 · 07/04/2022 09:43

I probably am being unreasonable but I'm so fed up of this situation.

My SC is 10 and is so fussy still with what they eat. Just to confirm there are no SEN issues. But his parents are not strict at all with food and getting him to try things and so if something isn't beige and bland he'll moan and turn his nose up.

I tend to do 99% of the cooking in our home and I try to make a variety of things. I'm not suggesting he has to like everything but it's literally a case of if it's not chicken nuggets or pizza then he'll have a face on him like a slapped arse and complain the entire time, pick out everything he doesn't 'like' which is essentially anything remotely healthy.

I'm so sick of spending time cooking nice meals just to have to silently seethe the entire meal time about his whinging and the wasted food too.

I'm seriously considering just doing him chicken nuggets and chips in the oven every night whilst we eat what I cook in peace because it's making me resent cooking for him.

There are other DC who seem to manage fine eating what I cook.

OP posts:

Beamur · 07/04/2022 12:40

My DD and my DSD are/were a bit like this. Most of their dinners were slightly different to ours. But usually with some overlapping items. DSD ate a very limited very beige diet but that changed over time.
I found a few beige items on an oven tray and happy kids getting some calories in was better than misery! Your idea of nice food really isn't nice to everyone.
They mostly grow out of it anyway and I'd rather we eat as a family and it's a nice experience than the kids feel unhappy and hungry..

Theunamedcat · 07/04/2022 12:40

Just get a little air fryer and bung his food in everytime if you have other children who begin to complain tell them privately why your doing this my youngest has sen and during school weeks he is so stressed his food choices narrow even further than usual so we end up with nuggets and chips pizza and garlic bread even reduced down to eating two doughnuts for tea on one occasion his brother got upset but as I told him we need your brother to eat something or he just won't stop moaning he agrees I make a good point and happily eats his food

BIWI · 07/04/2022 12:42

If your DH did cook, would he eat it? In other words uis this about you, rather than the food IYSWIM?

OutingHobby · 07/04/2022 12:44

@Lorw

OP, I’m the same, I have the pickiest SC, all with different tastes so I make 4 different meals every meal time as there’s nothing they will all eat, there’s some SEN involved so it’s not like I can say I’m not doing it, I do the meal planning/cooking.

You absolutely can, their parent can do it.

TolkiensFallow · 07/04/2022 12:44

Pick your battles wisely. Just give him beige food.

SockFluffInTheBath · 07/04/2022 13:08

DS isn’t quite that bad but won’t eat anything spicy or in pastry. I just bung something beige on a tray for him- breaded fish, sausage, chicken Kiev etc it pisses me off but it saves misery at dinner time.

aSofaNearYou · 07/04/2022 13:14

@Theunamedcat

There really is no way of explaining this to the other children without it seeming unfair and like something they could also do, when there isn't SEN involved, though.

Justmuddlingalong · 07/04/2022 13:18

I'd cook what he eats. If it's nuggets, so be it, but the fussy performing every time you cook or serve him something else sounds completely wearing. And there's nothing wrong with telling him to button it.

Hugasauras · 07/04/2022 13:26

I'd just bung some beige food in for him. The thing is, food is rarely a battle you win with kids. You just end up both getting stressed and then mealtimes become awful and he'll be even less inclined to step out of his comfort zone. He's not suddenly going to go from chicken nuggets and chips to 'Oh yes I would love to try this vegetable stir fry!' because you tell him it's good for him or whatever.

The best way is to give him his comfort food or something he will eat, serve whatever you like for everyone else, and if he wants to try it then let him do it in his own time and without being watched or commented on. If he doesn't try now, maybe he will in the future. Picky kids aren't uncommon, but plenty of them do grow out of it or at least expand their horizons as they get older. I was a picky child , but my mum never forced me to eat anything I didn't want to or made me feel bad for it. I am not picky at all now - in my teens I grew out of it. My cousin was picky too but was forced to sit there and pick at stuff he didn't want on his plate for up to an hour at dinner time. He has massive food issues now and a v restricted diet.

Hugasauras · 07/04/2022 13:28

It's fine not to want to eat things, but we say to my 3yo DD that she can put things she doesn't want to the side but no pulling faces or saying 'yucky' or anything like that. So I would definitely take action over any rude behaviour, but if he wants to pick things out then just leave him to get on with it and don't mention it.

Hugasauras · 07/04/2022 13:31

Oh (last post I promise) serving food so people can help themselves helps a lot with fussy eating rather than dishing up set amounts. If he's able to help himself to bits he does and doesn't want, he might be more inclined to try something when it's his choice rather than it just being presented on his plate. So the occasional meal with a big bowl or lots of bowls on the table for everyone to help themselves might help him feel a bit more adventurous and less like he's being watched as he pushes things around his plate.

RiaOverTheRainbow · 07/04/2022 13:33

Make enough portions for everyone, serve him a tiny bit, if he likes it he can eat the rest, if not it goes in the fridge for lunch tomorrow.

Furrbabymama87 · 07/04/2022 13:49

That's just kids for you. If he's only there a couple of nights a week, just give him what he likes and don't make it an issue.

Fifthtimelucky · 07/04/2022 14:14

@SockFluffInTheBath

This sounds a bit unnecessary. Surely there are plenty of healthy non-beige options for someone who doesn't like spicy food and pastry?

OutingHobby · 07/04/2022 14:20

There really is no way of explaining this to the other children without it seeming unfair and like something they could also do, when there isn't SEN involved, though. just admit the truth, their dad doesn't care but OP does but as she's not DSC's parent he can get away with eating junk.

SockFluffInTheBath · 07/04/2022 14:36

This sounds a bit unnecessary. Surely there are plenty of healthy non-beige options for someone who doesn't like spicy food and pastry?

On the days I’m making a curry or a pie I’m not going to make a second option from scratch. Most days we all have the same dinner, but the 3 of us who like spice and pastry are not going to never eat them just so that we can all have the same everyday.

SockFluffInTheBath · 07/04/2022 14:37

BTW DS would be ecstatic with wall to wall beige.

Foxglovesandlilacs86 · 07/04/2022 14:39

If you’re cooking for you and other children anyway then why change anything? If he doesn’t want to eat it then he doesn’t have to but inthink his dad should be telling him not to be rude and make faces.

Iggly · 07/04/2022 14:41

I have a very fussy dc - and it’s not my parenting because my eldest is at the other end of the spectrum and will try anything.

She’s got a very sensitive sense of smell and taste and I suspect it’s that.

So if he wants beige, feed him beige but always offer whatever you’re having.

The worst bit for my fussy child is that they feel picked on and isolated at meal times. She cries and says it’s not her fault she’s fussy and is genuinely distraught about it so I’ve calmed down a bit about the whole thing.

We get her to try other foods outside of meals.

Foxglovesandlilacs86 · 07/04/2022 14:41

I also put food on the table and not on plates, so if I’m making a curry there’ll be rice, salad, poppadoms and naan aswell as the curry. There’ll be something there he likes so he won’t go hungry.

thefootballcoacheswife · 07/04/2022 14:41

What NNique said... I do this with both my own children and my Step children... all fussy eaters. Pain in the arse. If they don't eat the main meal we've made, (they she's to try it properly before refusing it) then they can have a sandwich or pasta which they make themselves (except the 8 year old he's too little). I No longer get fussed about it. Waste of energy.
I once spent a year eating nothing really but Bovril sandwiches. I didn't die. Most kids grow out it, but no amount of losing tie rag about it is going to make them eat now

MeridianB · 07/04/2022 14:48

I appreciate what @Nnique is suggesting but not sure how this would work in reality. In my mind, it looks like everyone sits down to dinner that OP has cooked. He agrees to try it, then gets up and goes to make something else for 30 mins, possibly needing supervision/help.

But if he’s refusing 80% of each meal, I’d sling a really basic pizza in for him, while I’m cooking.

I can totally identify with your conflicting emotions on this, though.

But it’s your DH’s responsibility to maintain the healthiest eating possible - keep asking his son what he likes, and encouraging him to try new things.

I can imagine you’d feel more reassured if your DH was taking more responsibility for this and pushing boundaries with new foods, or expecting side salads/veg/healthy snacks to be eaten. It’s such a race to the bottom to just serve beige food day in day out for years. I’d also wonder if it perpetuated the problem.

gogohm · 07/04/2022 14:57

I had a very fussy dd at that age, do not pander to it, serve up normal healthy meals and allow them to nominate 5 foods they do not like eg mine are peas, sweetcorn, liver, fresh tomatoes and black pudding (same rules for all). If it's not on the list and you don't eat it then you don't get dessert.

Mine eat most things now

When Dp's dd moved in she was fussy, she now eats nearly everything because I didn't change what I cooked except she got 5 things too!

UnbeatenMum · 07/04/2022 15:06

I would just cook the nuggets/pizza. He could have a little bit of whatever you're having just to try it. He might get bored after a while, or if it's genuine food difficulties then he'll be relieved and mealtimes will be much easier for everyone. FWIW I always thought my 11yo had genuine food difficulties and now we think she does have ASD but it wasn't that obvious when she was younger because she didn't have any behavioural difficulties or that many other signs.

NorthernSpirit · 07/04/2022 17:17

This is my own 16 YO SD.

Her mum is a fussy eater (in her mums words she won’t eat anything ‘foreign’ and everything she cooks is beige processed oven food). Mum asks what everyone wants every night & cooks 3 separate meals.

I don’t do that. I cook one heathy, kid friendly meal from scratch and if you don’t like it tough. I don’t run a restaurant.

My SS loves the variety and loves dinners here. SD is still extremely fussy.

I would recommend this as advice. IMO we pander to kids to much now.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=fhLBFl6qzx0

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