When the EX unreasonably reduces payment - what do you do?

[zazas]

My ex has just decided to reduce his monthly payments to the children. The amount that he pays has no relation to what he earns or how often he has the children. Where do I stand? He won't discuss it with me. Do I need to go down the CSA route? We have been separated for 4 years and he has never paid anymore nor I asked for anymore than what was initially decided regardless of salary increases etc over that time. I find this so upsetting...

Try to avoid the CSA route, I hear it gets very messy, and they seem to be interested only when the absent parent pays nothing. We do a yearly increase based on the CPI rather than payrises etc.... and didn't reduce it when we had a dc. That seems to work really well.

Try to thrash it out with him, he might see that as reasonable.

Thanks - don't really want to go that route and as you say - he does pay something! He has reduced it partly as he says he plans on having the kids more than 52 night a year - this has never happened in 4 years and I know him - it won''t this year either! I have asked for a recent pay slip so that I can see what he earns so I too can work out what it 'should' be (I roughly know what he earns as I have a copy of his contract). I am hoping that this will at least prompt him to at least discuss it with me. It is just the hypocrisy of it - telling me constantly what I should be providing for the children and then reducing his support when he feels like it.

It must feel awful. Can you ask him to buy specific things for the children if he won't give you the money, school supplies, clothes etc..

Would he not consider giving you the money in food vouchers or specifically vouchers for childrens clothes etc. Its often a bug bear with absent parents that they pay money and feel that a lot of it actually doesn't go on the kids. Has he ever said anything like that?

I have thought of that - having an account that the children's specific costs come from so he can see what is spent - or like you said he pays the direct debits - directly. When we have 'discussed' it he says things like - I don't want to be paying for your lifestyle etc. I have never asked for any more money in 4 years, have paid for everything for the children - and provide them with everything they need when they visit him - which he often looses and I have to replace as he won't! I also drive each way 50 miles to drop off and pick up and pay for the petrol - his is all covered by work. Plus (and this is just setting the scene as to what a pain he is!) he expects me to buy him birthday / Father day and Xmas presents from the kids (which I do) and then complains if they aren't expensive enough! Obviously I get nothing in return! I also save some of the money - which is a joint decision for the kids future. The thing is that I don't even want the full amount that he 'should' pay the kids (I want him to have a life with his wife and child too) but I feel helpless when he just reduces it when he wants under the false pretence that he will have them more when I know that he won't.

Avoid csa just used them to cut ex contact and payment has stopped altogether after his annual bahama cruise they got his tax returns which are zero??? and he has to pay...zero!! b4 any of this was getting support from him but had to degradingly beg for it!!! now he continues his life of luxury whilst we live in poverty!!! csa have been no help and no one seems to notice this man cant really live on zero like he says!!!

Have heard lots of negative stuff about the CSA (particularly when the ex is self-employed as seems to be the case with gallygally)however, they were great for me. My ex bought one pair of school shoes for DD in 5 years - that was his enite contribution. Discussing, requesting etc got me nowhere, in fact, could have got me in real financial trouble when he promised to pay half for a ski-ing trip with school that she was desparate to go on, and then refused to pay when the deadline came up. My dad had to bail me out.

The CSA were brilliant with me, kept me informed, and although he kicked off in a major way at first, ex now accepts he has to support his daughter. (and tells anyone who will listen that he pays 10 times the amount he actually does.)

If he says he is going to have the kids more than 52 nights tell him he can apply for a reduction when he has actually had them 52 nights. (Actually the CSA will tell him that)