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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

The ex isn't talking to me now!

86 replies

malificent7 · 31/03/2022 19:44

So dp decided to tell his ex that she wasn't invited to our wedding and now she is being very off. I saw her a month ago...went to the same event as her for step dd and she ignored me. We previously got on but i just wanted firmer boundaries...why is she ignoring me?

OP posts:

Moodycow78 · 06/05/2022 22:32

Tbh I think you're actually in quite a good position. This woman isn't your friend and never has been, she has her own agenda. There are a few possibilities, all have been mentioned, whatever it is doesn't matter, this is your chance to get away and start unmeshing, the set up you have really isn't healthy.
Why on earth would you go away with your DPs ex and their mutual friends! There is really no need to put yourself through it. She's ignoring you, don't let her get close again, no need for joint parties for the kids and all that, it's not good for them anyway it's the exact opposite, it's confusing.

Moodycow78 · 06/05/2022 22:34

malificent7 · 05/05/2022 23:46

So we have a family dinner tomorrow night for sdds bday and x has told dp that she wants to sit on the other end of a ( very small) table...is it just me or is that awkwardness not fair on sdd?

Are you back yet, what happened?

Finallylostit · 06/05/2022 23:45

OP - tbh you are making this into a much bigger deal than it needs to be.

You wanted the relationship to change, it has changed and the EX is adjusting to the new status quo. You wanted boundaries she is respecting your boundaries and setting her own.

Stop bitching about a woman who was led to believe she was coming to your wedding and has now been told no. The relationship the two of you have needs to be both sides working together , you do not own it and decide when you want her to be uber friendly and when you want her to back off.

Time for you to respect her boundaries

Original poster

malificent7 · 07/05/2022 08:26

Hi..yes i agree boundaries are better now. Went for the meal, it was very pleasant, no nastiness or ignoring each other. This is why i get confused...i do like her but i am resentful that when we got together she got jealous and tried to reel him back in...she already had her other man who she left dp for. U think this is why I don't want her there. She made a big promise to do in front of his family which was broken....now i'm making a big promise in front of his family....i don't think it would be comfortable to have her there for his family.
I think that's where my resentment stems from but we have come a lobg way since then. If it wasn't for dp and we met in a pub or whatever without the ex baggage we'd get on fine.

OP posts:

TryingToBeLogical · 07/05/2022 13:48

You seem to be very hung up on this woman who has adjusted now and is being pleasant. Isn't this what you wanted? FFS. What's "confusing?" The problem seems to be fixed.
It's really annoying when someone talks about a big "problem" and solicits advice on a board like this, but it turns out they really just want to stir some s%*t!

BaaMoon · 07/05/2022 15:24

It's fine seriously, just carry on as you are. Stop letting her take up so much head space.

Original poster

malificent7 · 07/05/2022 16:16

I'm fine about it now....its all calm. Unless you are her Tryingtobeligical! 😂

OP posts:

Finallylostit · 07/05/2022 17:53

i do like her but i am resentful that when we got together she got jealous and tried to reel him back in...she already had her other man who she left dp for. U think this is why I don't want her there. She made a big promise to do in front of his family which was broken....now i'm making a big promise in front of his family....i don't think it would be comfortable to have her there for his family.

OMG - you are obsessed with this woman - move on you have your man. She and your DP will always have a relationship because of the DCS. You are trying to make a bad situation out of nothing. Boundaries were set by you and DP and she is respecting them and setting her own.

OP get over it

Original poster

malificent7 · 07/05/2022 22:46

I would say " obsessed" is too strong a word. She's the one who had a hissy fit when she realised she didn't get an invite. I genuinely thought she'd understand and be fine with it.

Anyway...moving on...its all good. I will always have a " relationship " with my ex because of dd...but he aint coming to the wedding either! I keep him properly at arms length though.

OP posts:

user77283749 · 08/05/2022 07:14

Maybe she thought you had a level of friendship or like a big family, rather then just the ex's new partner. So she might just be a bit offended that she hasn't been invited.

I think it's nice you have the relationship that she would assume she is even invited 😂

user77283749 · 08/05/2022 07:17

Ps - I don't blame you for not wanting her there. This one day is about you and your partner. Not the fact you are a step-mum 😂

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