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Original poster

Always what her and her DD wants to do

66 replies

Cheerios12 · 20/03/2022 11:38

I always feel like my DP and her DD call the shots on what they want to do at the weekend.
Today we had planned something but because DP sent her DD extremely late last night she's now tired and keeps moaning she doesn't want to go out now.
I said to DP we always seem to do stuff based around if she's tired or not and it's not fair on my DS. She gets every weekend with her DD and I get every other. So I'd like to make the most of it with him.

So many other issues recently with her DD. I've been so supportive and tried to help wherever I could. Don't feel like it's appreciated though.

OP posts:
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Appolonia · 20/03/2022 11:40

Why don't you go out to the planned activity - just you and your son?
Don't let your SD impact your son's plans.

KylieKoKo · 20/03/2022 12:58

I agree with the above poster.
Also, does her DD even want to do the same activities as your DS. I don't think most children would choose to miss out on something they really wanted to do due to tiredness.

insatiableme · 20/03/2022 13:00

Just take your DS to whatever you have planned. Surely you don't all sit in the house of your Dp Dd doesn't want to go out.

SheWoreYellow · 20/03/2022 13:02

How old are the children? I’d agree with taking your DS to do what you were going to do. I’d do that with my children and DH.

Viviennemary · 20/03/2022 13:02

I wouldn't allow my life to be ruled like this. Just call it a day. It will only get worse.

MaderiaCycle · 20/03/2022 13:03

How old are they? The kids I mean

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 20/03/2022 13:03

Just plan stuff to do with your son and they can come or not come.

Beamur · 20/03/2022 13:04

Take your own child out anyway. No need to cancel and do something different if you don't want to do the same thing!
I'd always put my own DD's needs first tbh, maybe you need to do the same.

IncompleteSenten · 20/03/2022 13:06

Put your child first. Go out just the two of you.
She can hardly complain can she?

negomi90 · 20/03/2022 13:08

Taking an overtired cranky kid somewhere they don't want to go is my idea of hell.
Take your child out where he wants to go, leave your DP behind. Have a lovely day.
Everyone wins. There's no need for the drama.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 20/03/2022 13:11

Yes, the solution here is clear - you make plans with your DS and you follow through on those plans. Your DP can come along or flake out (I would not be happy about this either).

AnneLovesGilbert · 20/03/2022 13:13

@TheYearOfSmallThings

Yes, the solution here is clear - you make plans with your DS and you follow through on those plans. Your DP can come along or flake out (I would not be happy about this either).
Absolutely. You’re letting her dictate your weekends and your child is missing out. That’s a choice.
purpleboy · 20/03/2022 13:17

@TheYearOfSmallThings

Yes, the solution here is clear - you make plans with your DS and you follow through on those plans. Your DP can come along or flake out (I would not be happy about this either).
Agree with this, and also consider if you want this to be your life for the next how ever many years the children are at home.
Tattler2 · 20/03/2022 13:21

OP, why would your partner not feeling up to door something prohibit your doing something alone with your son?

The reasonable thing to do is to allow her to do things with her daughter while you do things with your son. It is not a control issue but an issue of enjoyment. If she does not feel up to doing a particular activity or going out at a particular , should she not be free to state that?

Would you prefer that she bring resentment and attitude to the activity?

Maybe this should be a relationship between the 2 of you that does not involve your children. Not all romantic relationships lead to good blendings.

Being in a relationship does not necessarily mean that you are joined at the hip. If you cannot functions independently then you may not be capable of functioning as a part of a healthy unit.

You take care of your son and let her take care of her daughter. That should not mean that you cannot be good partners. It may just mean that you are not necessarily meant to be a blended family.

Chloemol · 20/03/2022 13:39

Just do what you want to do with your ds and leave them at home

Same as weekends you don’t have your ds, you don’t want to do what dp/dd want to do, do your own thing

KylieKoKo · 20/03/2022 14:34

Even in non blended families surely it's normal for one parent to take out one child on their own sometimes.

Kego · 20/03/2022 14:35

Do stuff without them. Not everything has to be a group activity Smile

jimmyjammy001 · 20/03/2022 14:51

This is a common problem when children from past relationships are involved and unfortunately there isn't alot you can do about it which is why it's a deal breaker for many when it comes to a relationship where there are children involved, most just walk away because of the many foreseeable problems just like this

Azerothi · 20/03/2022 14:58

Do you live with this current girlfriend? If you don't what is stopping you putting your son first?

BeHappy91818 · 20/03/2022 15:00

Go out with your son on your own?

SoyaChai · 20/03/2022 15:06

If you only have your son every other weekend.... Why don't you go out on your own with him and spend one-to-one quality time with him? Why the need for your DP and her DD go be with you every time? Just stop planning to do things together every time you have your DS.

Mouldyfeet · 20/03/2022 15:08

Are you incapable of looking after your DS yourself?

DuckyNoMates · 20/03/2022 16:09

Take your son out as planned by yourself. Don't let him miss out.

Original poster
Cheerios12 · 21/03/2022 07:03

We ended up doing what we originally planned yesterday. However her DD attitude was awful. This is another problem, whenever she gets told off she gets in a mood and claims everyone hates her and she wants to run away!

Her DD is 10 my DS is 6. They play nicely together and we don't live together atm.
Although DP wants us to in the future but I don't want to because of their DD.

How awful is it that you love your DP but their child determines the future of your relationship.

OP posts:
DuckyNoMates · 21/03/2022 07:12

It's ok though, if it's not working It's not working.