Always what her and her DD wants to do

[Cheerios12]

I always feel like my DP and her DD call the shots on what they want to do at the weekend.
Today we had planned something but because DP sent her DD extremely late last night she's now tired and keeps moaning she doesn't want to go out now.
I said to DP we always seem to do stuff based around if she's tired or not and it's not fair on my DS. She gets every weekend with her DD and I get every other. So I'd like to make the most of it with him.

So many other issues recently with her DD. I've been so supportive and tried to help wherever I could. Don't feel like it's appreciated though.

Is your partner fulltime with her DD? Rereading your OP now, is that the difference? Your DS goes to their parent EOW and your partners DD does not and your partner is effectively a single parent?

You only see your son 4 days a month? That’s pitiful.

No, it isn't. What are families who live far apart meant to do? I only saw my mum 4 days a month and it was fine, longer in holidays. Not every parent lives close enough that they can have weekday overnights and take them to school the next morning etc. Some live in different counties.

That’s not the justification you think it is. Moving is a choice.

Ok, OP. Still think you should stop focusing on your girlfriend that you don’t live withs kid. Nothing to do with you.

That’s not the justification you think it is. Moving is a choice.

Well my grandparents moved for work to the neighbouring county and the court agreed it was fine. And I was fine with the contact. You just go longer in holidays.

I really am not interested in your parents but cool story?

I really am not interested in your parents but cool story?

I don't care. I'm just disagreeing with you that EOW is pitiful.

@Sassbott

Hold on, so you’re actually the primary carer for your DS and your partner only sees their DD on the weekend?

What are the actual (real) contact arrangements. Because being a primary carer is very different to EOW weekend contact. What it actually seems is that your DS is with their other parent EOW and with you the rest of the time.

I was only speaking about weekends because that's free time! The children are of school age so weekdays we obviously can't go out and about! Me and DP are both primary carers for our children so yes we see them outside of weekends obviously!

@Sassbott

Is your partner fulltime with her DD? Rereading your OP now, is that the difference? Your DS goes to their parent EOW and your partners DD does not and your partner is effectively a single parent?

Her DD goes to her dads alot less than my DS goes to theirs (I'm his mum, not his dad)

@SnowCatya it is. 🤷🏼‍♀️

What’s with all the exclamation points? I’m asking perfectly reasonable clarifying questions which change my advice ever so slightly.

You’re both primary carers, her DD goes to her dad slightly less than your DS. You already are having issues with her Dd’s wider behaviour and your partners parenting of her.

You view your weekend time as more precious with your DS given you get less weekend time and are therefore resentful of of how much your partners DD is able to (effectively) ruin your plans (or attempt to) with your DS.

Here’s the thing. Every parent parents in the way they feel best meets their childrens needs and most don’t take kindly to being criticised.
Also, my exp used to have the view that you had. He saw his children EOW only, whereas I have my children 60/% of the time. He therefore viewed his time with his children as ‘precious’. I found that intensely irritating after a period of time.

Why? Well tbh my time is also precious with my children and it wasn’t my issue that he didn’t see his children more. I was fed up of constantly feeling like I had to manage my children to accommodate his (much younger) childrens needs.

So I separated the two and told him emphatically to focus on his ‘precious’ time with his children so I could actually enjoy my time with my children.

I don’t know what the answer is here but I would definitely not in a month of Sundays move in with a partner whose child I felt this way about.

Sorry I keep referring to your partner as ‘her’ without knowing specifics. Apologies.

Oh gosh I'm sorry. I read it that you have weekend visitation.

Doesn't change my advice though. Just do stuff with your son. Don't make him have boring weekends.

@Sassbott

What’s with all the exclamation points? I’m asking perfectly reasonable clarifying questions which change my advice ever so slightly.

You’re both primary carers, her DD goes to her dad slightly less than your DS. You already are having issues with her Dd’s wider behaviour and your partners parenting of her.

You view your weekend time as more precious with your DS given you get less weekend time and are therefore resentful of of how much your partners DD is able to (effectively) ruin your plans (or attempt to) with your DS.

Here’s the thing. Every parent parents in the way they feel best meets their childrens needs and most don’t take kindly to being criticised.
Also, my exp used to have the view that you had. He saw his children EOW only, whereas I have my children 60/% of the time. He therefore viewed his time with his children as ‘precious’. I found that intensely irritating after a period of time.

Why? Well tbh my time is also precious with my children and it wasn’t my issue that he didn’t see his children more. I was fed up of constantly feeling like I had to manage my children to accommodate his (much younger) childrens needs.

So I separated the two and told him emphatically to focus on his ‘precious’ time with his children so I could actually enjoy my time with my children.

I don’t know what the answer is here but I would definitely not in a month of Sundays move in with a partner whose child I felt this way about.

Sorry didn't mean offence with exclamation marks

Being a stepparent is an utterly thankless task OP.
I would just go and do stuff with your child and leave them to it. It’s not ideal but you’ll have a far nicer time from the sound of it.

I still don’t understand why you don’t just do what you want with your son. I’m not sure you’ve answered the many questions about this.