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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Mother's Day

65 replies

QuirkyTurtle · 02/03/2022 08:53

What are you girls doing for it?

I'll send a card to my stepson's mother as usual. I'm sure my SO will give me a card on my stepson's behalf too (he's 2.5 so doesn't understand mother's day).

I think the US has adopted the Sunday after mother's day as 'stepmother's day' so we may start implementing that as well! Once my stepson is old enough that will be up to him to decide of course but I'd be lying if I said I didn't hope he'd consider me when making cards at nursery / school haha.

Do your stepkids recognise you at all on this day?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

KindlyKanga · 02/03/2022 08:55

No and I wouldn't want them too.

LightsoftheNorth · 02/03/2022 09:00

My now adult step children will wish me a Happy Mother's day as always. Previously I've had flowers from one of them but we are scattered round the world right now.

Things were difficult with one of them for a number of years, so I'm especially touched by their good wishes.

GrazingSheep · 02/03/2022 09:03

I'll send a card to my stepson's mother as usual.
If you didn’t do it, would your SO do it?

KindlyKanga · 02/03/2022 09:06

@GrazingSheep

I'll send a card to my stepson's mother as usual. If you didn’t do it, would your SO do it?

Yes why are you sending a card? I just leave DH to sort it out. The kids ask him to buy random stuff and he gets it.

Original poster

QuirkyTurtle · 02/03/2022 09:07

@KindlyKanga - fair enough!

@LightsoftheNorth - that's so sweet! It must be lovely to know you've had a positive impact on their lives after all that time.

@GrazingSheep - probably not but not out of malice! He just forgets these things sometimes, especially since they never had any kind of relationship. My stepson's mother has a partner who has been there since before stepson was born, so I think he assumes he'll cover that bit.

OP posts:

Ursusmajor · 02/03/2022 09:12

You’re not his mother

KindlyKanga · 02/03/2022 09:12

Then I wouldn't bother. Don't make more "wirework" for your self he's a grown ass man.

KindlyKanga · 02/03/2022 09:13

*wifework even

Original poster

QuirkyTurtle · 02/03/2022 09:21

@KindlyKanga

Then I wouldn't bother. Don't make more "wirework" for your self he's a grown ass man.

I have a great relationship with my stepson's mother, we are friends! I enjoy picking out and sending cards and I know she appreciates it so I don't see why I would stop!

OP posts:

KindlyKanga · 02/03/2022 09:23

Fine but if he's picking one up for you he can pick one up for her at the same time.

Original poster

QuirkyTurtle · 02/03/2022 09:29

To be honest, out of all the things I get grief for as a stepmother, I didn't expect 'sending a nice card to my stepson's mother, my friend, for mother's day' would be one of them.

OP posts:

KindlyKanga · 02/03/2022 09:35

It's probably just me having a big thing against being the default card buyer just because I'm a woman/girl.

MonkeyPuddle · 02/03/2022 09:39

No idea. It’s up to DP to sort. I don’t expect anything from DSD as she has a bloody lovely mum of her own, I’m just an extra adult in her life. DP and DSD usually have a browse on Amazon and she chooses something. DP will get me a card and gift from my two (they’re little).

Original poster

QuirkyTurtle · 02/03/2022 09:40

@KindlyKanga

It's probably just me having a big thing against being the default card buyer just because I'm a woman/girl.

I get what you mean but I actually really enjoy it! It's not something that's been dumped on me. Probably because I am an immigrant and send a lot of cards in the post to my family abroad.

OP posts:

Original poster

QuirkyTurtle · 02/03/2022 09:42

One more thing: I would really LOVE if this thread doesn't get derailed into 'you're not his mother you deplorable creature'. I know this, and I don't want a card that says 'to Mummy', nor would I accept that. We have a very well blended family, everyone is generally on the same page, and my stepson's mother's partner also receives love on Father's Day.

OP posts:

wonderwoman26 · 02/03/2022 10:01

I give my step mum a card and gift each year - she is a wonderful women who i lived with for many years, and has supported me the same in which my own mother has.

I like my step mum to recieved something as a small token of my love and respect for her - i dont think its strange. She is just as much a mother figure to me as my own mum and has treated me like her own since i met her.

girlmom21 · 02/03/2022 10:09

I've already ordered my SM's present. She's a great mom and a wonderful nan.

I've told DP that it's at the end of the month so he can sort his mom out.

Last year I got a lovely card and potted plant (it was actually just soil I think - nothing ever grew) that DD made at nursery.

CornishGem1975 · 02/03/2022 10:28

My SC don't get me anything for Mothers Day, I don't really expect them to. They spend the day with their own mum.

Original poster

QuirkyTurtle · 02/03/2022 10:30

@wonderwoman26 - how nice of you! I love hearing about positive blended family experiences, there aren't enough of them.

@girlmom21 (it was actually just soil I think - nothing ever grew) LOL that sounds familiar.

OP posts:

strawberrystrawberry · 02/03/2022 10:35

I think it's nice you give and receive cards for Mother's day and lovely that you all appreciate each other.

It's my finace's birthday on Mother's Day! We would usually go out for lunch or something but it might be a bit of a different atmosphere than normal so not really sure yet, we aren't meant to have the kids.

I won't get any sort of acknowledgement from step kids and whilst I don't expect anything because I'm not their Mum, it does sting a little. At the moment we seem to be having the kids about 70% of the time as their mum is often away (according to the agreed arrangements we are meant to have them less than 50%), and we seem to have some moments recently like SD asked me to buy her first bra the other day, and SS asked me to do baking with them, SS and I really, really belly laughed together recently at something and SD confided in me with something personal to her, both were excited when we told them we were getting married!

I try to appreciate these moments where they feel comfortable with me, SS especially had a hard time adjusting to a lot of changes throughout the pandemic and also recently in their Mum's life so it's good to see him feeling relaxed with us and I feel proud of the progress he has made. But it's hard not to feel a little jealous of the 'actual mums' who get the unconditional love and recognition. I don't say anything to anyone about this though, I just try to keep it at the back of my mind, maybe reflect on the positives mentioned above, and enjoy quality time with my future husband.

oatlattetogo · 02/03/2022 10:40

I am pregnant this year, so I imagine I will get a present from the bump. I have no idea whether I’ll get anything directly from DSC.

Last year I got a Mother’s Day present from our pets I think my partner chose it, but his children wrapped it and presented it to me in the morning. It was a nice middle ground I think, they got to give me a present and a card (which they were very excited about) but it wasn’t ‘from’ them.

I haven’t ever had a step mother, but I wish my step father happy Father’s Day even though him and my mum only met and married when I was an adult. If I’d had a step parent from childhood (and I had a good relationship with him) then I would definitely acknowledge them!

ProfFloss · 02/03/2022 10:47

@Ursusmajor

You’re not his mother

OP didn’t say she is his mother.

ProfFloss · 02/03/2022 10:49

I hated Mother’s Day as a SM as it was yet another stick to beat me with.
Step parenting has most of the hardships of parenting with none of the perks. I hated it. I still do.

Original poster

QuirkyTurtle · 02/03/2022 10:57

Last year I got a Mother’s Day present from our pets grin I think my partner chose it, but his children wrapped it and presented it to me in the morning. It was a nice middle ground I think, they got to give me a present and a card (which they were very excited about) but it wasn’t ‘from’ them.

@oatlattetogo - that is so sweet! And a good way to send a mother's day present without sending a mother's day present. Congratulations on your pregnancy :)

Step parenting has most of the hardships of parenting with none of the perks. I hated it. I still do.

@ProfFloss - sorry you've had such a miserable experience :( I agree, there are very few perks, especially when people don't get on. I always refer to it as 'taxation without representation'. But thankfully the love I get from my stepson (and the appreciation from my SO, parents-in-law and other people in my life) makes it worth it to me.

OP posts:

ProfFloss · 02/03/2022 10:58

It’s good to hear of a positive experience OP. I’m glad for you.

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