[quote SallyAnn32]@NarcissasMumintheDoghouse thank you 💕 I'm sorry to hear your children dealt with something similar. I hope their relationship is better now that she's out of the picture? I just hope my ex and his GF split up, or he realises what she's doing and he reverts back to being a really good dad. [/quote]
Hi Sally,
My ex was NOT a good dad, he was on the NPD spectrum. I didn't know it when my sh!t was going on, only put the pieces together 12 years later.
But, at the time of the divorce I did have the instinct to make sure that my children kept in touch with their dad despite him being a weakling when his second wife made her play to get to try to force him to abandon his first family. He has (classic NPD, I realised later) a very compelling, charismatic character, and I didn't want them getting to know them for the first time as impressionable young adults.
They now both know him, faults and all, and have a good relationship with him, because I did my best to make sure he and they saw each other regularly when he was growing up, despite wife #2 interference.
He went on to marry wife #3, whom they respect and care for. I have a lot of respect for her - she has treated my children well.
For the record, I never spoke to wife #2 (who was the OW) and only speak to wife #3 at weddings and funerals.
Sally:
It is on you to build a good relationship with your children.
It is on you to not undermine your children's relationship with their Dad (which you don't seem to be doing).
It is on their dad to maintain a good relationship with his children.
it is on their dad to help his GF and his children build a good relationship.
Your children's relationship with the GF is not your responsibility. That is entirely on the GF, your ex, and your children. If they don't like her, she and their dad need to work on that. Befriending someone you had to call the cops on just to help Daddy and GF be adults is a call too far on your generous soul.