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Step-parenting

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Original poster

AIBU to think he's being ridiculous?

68 replies

HumblePye · 08/02/2022 08:56

I have one DC (toddler) with DH who has older children from previous relationship. Both older primary.

When my DC was born I set up a bank account for him and pay into it monthly. DH doesn't pay into it but not really bothered about that.

Mt SC have never had a bank account and since I set up DS's, DH has always made noises about how he wants to set theirs up.

Anyway... DS recently got quite a bit of money from a relative in cash. I said to DH last night that I'll go to the bank tomorrow and put it in his account at which point he was going on again about setting up SC a bank.

We basically got onto a bit of a snippy argument with each other because he suggested I could have done it and when I said why? It needs a parents signature, their passports etc... He said well he could have given me those and "you'd have wanted to do it before DS was born but now you're only bothered about him".

Basically my AIBU is AIBU to think why the fuck should I be the one to set up SC's bank accounts when neither of their parents have? Especially considering I'll need DH anyway or their Mum to sign it. Like am I some sort of slave or something? Wtf... Why on earth can't one of his parents do it if they are so arsed?!

It's a common theme this whole "you're not as bothered since DS was born" crap.

I just walked away before it went any further because I really couldn't be arsed but I imagine the next thing coming would have been about me having more time to do these things than him because I'm at home (work very part time at the moment). But surely some things still need to be the responsibility of their parents? Especially things like banking which requires ID and signatures etc..?

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 08/02/2022 08:59

He’s just lazy, isn’t he! He should have done it years ago.

Original poster
HumblePye · 08/02/2022 09:00

It is laziness as well.

I also think it's partly some warped desire to see me doing the same for SC as I do my son so that he can see they mean as much to me if that makes sense.

OP posts:
Totalwasteofpaper · 08/02/2022 09:01

Christ I wouldn't be engaging with this nonsense.

Tell him to go mither his children's mother about the stupid account which can literally be set up online in minutes

Marmelace · 08/02/2022 09:01

He is being unreasonable and trying to pass his responsibilities to you, easier than looking at his own failings.

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/02/2022 09:02

YANBU. He’s a joke.

Totalwasteofpaper · 08/02/2022 09:03

I also think it's partly some warped desire to see me doing the same for SC as I do my son so that he can see they mean as much to me if that makes sense

Nope. He might say this but in reality it's because you have a vagina as parenting is boring wimmin work therefore he'd like you to be the de facto parent while he sits on his arse.

Phos · 08/02/2022 09:05

He is being ridiculous. You set up DS's when he was born. If he or his ex were that bothered then they could have done the same when the older ones were born. They didn't.

SleepingStandingUp · 08/02/2022 09:06

It's a common theme this whole "you're not as bothered since DS was born" crap.
How true is his statement?
You're absolutely right about the bank account - but is this part of a bigger issue where he now thinks you don't care about his children?

LittleOwl153 · 08/02/2022 09:12

You'd actually need the kids involved if they are over 7 which older primary suggests... unless you are going for something like a junior isa!

Itwasntmeright · 08/02/2022 09:21

What we have here is a man who feels insecure that you have done more for your children than he has done for his. Instead of doing what any normal person would do, which is say, oh that’s a good idea I didn’t think of that, then go to the bank and do it himself, his solution is to make it your fault and responsibility to fix it. God for bid he should be expected to seize the initiative and do things like that for the kids he helped to create, no, it’s somebody else’s job to do that.

Spaghettio · 08/02/2022 09:22

It's a common theme this whole "you're not as bothered since DS was born" crap.

He's clearly "not bothered" since DS was born either, is he? Otherwise he'd have done it himself!

Original poster
HumblePye · 08/02/2022 09:24

@LittleOwl153

You'd actually need the kids involved if they are over 7 which older primary suggests... unless you are going for something like a junior isa!
They have asked multiple times for a bank account. He seems to think I should set them up (his argument would be because I'm at home more) and then just summon him/them when I require his/their signature or their ID. Imo that is just more hassle than him just doing it himself.

How true is his statement?

I'd say I do help out less overall. Because I have less time. I'm either working or looking after our small DC. But I was never "bothered enough" before DS was born about the bank account either otherwise they'd already have one!

OP posts:
Original poster
HumblePye · 08/02/2022 09:27

I even said why don't you speak to their Mum to which he said no because he wants "us" to be the ones to do it (the kids have been asking for a while). Basically he means me.

OP posts:
Original poster
HumblePye · 08/02/2022 09:27

He means me but so he can take the credit*

OP posts:
Itwasntmeright · 08/02/2022 09:37

He has nominated you as administrator for his children. He thinks kids are for a woman to deal with, and because he no longer favors the woman with whom he created them, he has nominated you. I suspect he relies on you for all his own life admin as well.

SallyWD · 08/02/2022 09:42

I strongly believe all the children should be treated equally but of course you're going to love your own child more and naturally do more for him. Your step children have 2 parents who can easily set up an account for them. It's not your job.

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 08/02/2022 09:48

He can set them up from sat on his arse at home. Then HE can pop in with the documents to activate the accounts... As they are HIS dc..

Fridafever · 08/02/2022 09:52

He has nominated you as administrator for his children. He thinks kids are for a woman to deal with, and because he no longer favors the woman with whom he created them, he has nominated you.

This is the issue - incidentally you could you post this on about 99% of the threads here sadly.

DeeCeeCherry · 08/02/2022 09:56

why the fuck should I be the one to set up SC's bank accounts when neither of their parents have?

& Repeat ad infinitum

tiredofthisshit21 · 08/02/2022 10:04

Dear God. Another one in the same bullshit theme. What's wrong with these men. Tell him to parent his own child however he thinks is appropriate and to leave you out of it.

funinthesun19 · 08/02/2022 10:14

You're absolutely right about the bank account - but is this part of a bigger issue where he now thinks you don't care about his children?

He probably interprets her having a completely different relationship and dynamic with her DS to the SC as her not caring about them. She will always have her DS’s interests more at heart because she’s his mum. He needs to accept that.

Marmm · 08/02/2022 19:13

He can set up a bank account by himself. If you're feeling generous maybe pick up the form next time you're passing. You are not his slave.

Dyrene · 08/02/2022 19:39

@HumblePye

He means me but so he can take the credit*
Of course he does.

Just keep telling him that he is welcome to set up accounts for his children if he wants to. Or their mother can do it. Or not. But that’ll be because their parents couldn’t be bothered.

He is being totally ridiculous.

excelledyourself · 08/02/2022 20:35

Tell him the going rate for a personal assistant and to make sure he has your bank details.

ldontWanna · 08/02/2022 20:46

Well HE can show HE cares by actually doing things for them HIMSELF. After all, he's their actual parent.