Organising things to do when DSC are here.

[YeOldePotato]

Is it so wrong of me to deliberately try and arrange meet ups with my friends and hairdressers appointments etc for when the DSC are here?

We have a shared DC so in my mind it's making it easier for DH as the DSC can help him entertain.

Aparantly it doesn't scream "family" to DH and he's getting sulky. I only do it for like one morning or afternoon of the whole weekend so I don't think I'm being too much. It's just too much to have them the whole weekend.

It's all kicked off again because I've arranged the opticians for next weekend they are here.

Totally agree with you, OP. I can’t imagine anything worse than sitting around the house watching kids staring gormlessly at their screens. Why do they need an audience for that??

My stepsons come to stay a couple of weekends a month but I’m self-employed and often work 7 days a week so flit in and out at weekends. If I do have a rare day off at a weekend then, unless there’s something specific planned with the kids, I’ll go get my hair done, go for brunch with my sister, etc. There’s nothing wrong with that at all.

Funnily enough I was going to create a post asking the same thing. I don't see friends often due to work commitments between our friendship group, so unfortunately it is down to once a month, if that. When I do see a friend for coffee I'm conscious of the fact that I need to be home to spend time or have dinner with the SC's. OH is usually in a pretty short mood with me for the duration afterwards & I don't know why.

No it's not wrong of you @YeOldePotato , I do the same but for slightly different reasons - not because the kids just veg out on their screens but because they are SO full on with me.

DP can sit and chill on his phone or read and not be disturbed for half an hour, I can't do it for 1 minute without being mithered for attention. Or DP can go off into another room of the house and get dressed/do a job or whatever, but my 2 DSCs follow me from room to room. I've literally walked around the house for about an hour to test the theory and they're like little shadows! They're also quite intense kids, and won't really go off and play independently and want my involvement in everything. We have them two nights in the week as well so quite a lot.

It's lovely that they like me so much but I'm such an introvert and need my alone time, I find it very overwhelming for a full weekend and often arrange appointments or to see friends to get a couple of hours break. DP doesn't really understand it because a) he's an extrovert and b) he doesn't get bombarded in the same way.

I'm a happier and nicer person to everyone when I get a break and more present as a result for the (lots of) time I do spend with them. It's self-preservation.

I'm a bit worried at the moment because covid is running through the family, that our weekends may be re-jigged and I've made several plans for the weekends they're here

@LethargicActress

What you’re doing is fine. It’s not like you’re leaving for the whole weekend. I think you should try to make sure the step dc get some time with their Dad without their younger siblings around sometimes though. It’s not for for their very limited amount of contact time to be dictated by the needs of much smaller children, even if they are siblings.

I disagree... why should the older children get one on one time. They're a family and not being funny but if the younger siblings had the same mum and dad, you don't get rid of the younger ones? They become a family and deal with it.

I disagree... why should the older children get one on one time. They're a family and not being funny but if the younger siblings had the same mum and dad, you don't get rid of the younger ones? They become a family and deal with it. I agree @ilovemyboys3 no one would say ooh make sure the oldest DSC gets time with dad on their own and not always with youngest DSC. I have my own DC too and they are either a family or they aren't. You can't start segregating them that's sick.

What you're doing is fine. Life is busy and most people with multiple kids sometimes do separate things to make family life go smoother.

Tell him that the stepchildren and him are welcome to join you at the opticians at family time 🤣

I disagree... why should the older children get one on one time. They're a family and not being funny but if the younger siblings had the same mum and dad, you don't get rid of the younger ones? They become a family and deal with it.

Actually lots of people try to ensure they still get 1-1 time with their older children when there’s a new sibling around, and even well into their childhoods. I remember being told by the health visitors to try and still have some time alone with the toddler when the baby was born. I work with young primary children and plenty of them talk about things they do just with their mum or dad while the other parent sold does something special with the sibling. I’m sure they still have lots of lovely family time too.

My ex (often a twat) still took our older children out without their baby brother while he was still too young to join their activities because it would have been unfair on them if they had to change hobbies and activities they were used to so that they could fit in with a baby instead.

Becoming a family and dealing with it includes nurturing all the relationships within that family, and ‘dealing with it’ doesn’t mean pretending everything is exactly the same as it would be if you all lived together all the time.

@ilovemyboys3

You’re missing out if you never get 1-2-1 time with your children. As are your children