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Original poster

Organising things to do when DSC are here.

58 replies

YeOldePotato · 04/02/2022 21:36

Is it so wrong of me to deliberately try and arrange meet ups with my friends and hairdressers appointments etc for when the DSC are here?

We have a shared DC so in my mind it's making it easier for DH as the DSC can help him entertain.

Aparantly it doesn't scream "family" to DH and he's getting sulky. I only do it for like one morning or afternoon of the whole weekend so I don't think I'm being too much. It's just too much to have them the whole weekend.

It's all kicked off again because I've arranged the opticians for next weekend they are here.

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Original poster
YeOldePotato · 05/02/2022 09:10

@Tigertealeaves yes see I just try to remember what it was like when I was their age. I started sitting out on things when I was teenagers age.

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Tigertealeaves · 05/02/2022 09:13

@YeOldePotato exactly so sometimes even adults need to do that Grin

LethargicActress · 05/02/2022 09:18

What you’re doing is fine. It’s not like you’re leaving for the whole weekend. I think you should try to make sure the step dc get some time with their Dad without their younger siblings around sometimes though. It’s not for for their very limited amount of contact time to be dictated by the needs of much smaller children, even if they are siblings.

Dollyparton3 · 05/02/2022 09:34

I used to do the same OP, being child free myself and working full on during the week it used to drive me nuts that the weekends used to be no action until lunchtime, then DSD wanted to stare at herself in the mirror/her phone for hours and DSS would get up and start gaming only to come downstairs if he wanted food.

I used to go to Tesco first thing in the morning just so I could leave the house and I'd leave DH to try and navigate the two teens who did the same at their mums house apparently. That's fine if that's your thing but I like to get stuff done at the weekend.

Original poster
YeOldePotato · 05/02/2022 09:39

@LethargicActress

What you’re doing is fine. It’s not like you’re leaving for the whole weekend. I think you should try to make sure the step dc get some time with their Dad without their younger siblings around sometimes though. It’s not for for their very limited amount of contact time to be dictated by the needs of much smaller children, even if they are siblings.
Yup. DC is at nursery during holidays and I take DC out for a walk on the "other day" when I'm not out plus there is bed time. It's up to dad if he wanted to take them out when I'm around to look after DC
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Original poster
YeOldePotato · 05/02/2022 09:40

@Dollyparton3 weekend time is so precious so I like to get up and do things I can't do in the week. Especially as working

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Dollyparton3 · 05/02/2022 12:45

[quote YeOldePotato]@Dollyparton3 weekend time is so precious so I like to get up and do things I can't do in the week. Especially as working[/quote]
I hear you, DH self identifies as a lazy loafer given the chance to be fair, I'm the type who is dangerous when bored. This morning the kids aren't here and so far I've walked the dog, cleaned the kitchen, put a wash on and now I'm eyeing up some DIY for the afternoon. If it gets to Monday and I haven't "achieved" anything I get a bit scratchy

NowEvenBetter · 05/02/2022 13:05

He only sees them every two weeks?! That’s pathetic. He needs to be parenting his kids during the tiny amount of contact he bothers with, not trying to drag you in to it, or palm them off onto you, or lazily attempt to guilt trip you into parenting his kids for him.

There’s a thread on here every few days about yet another deadbeat man who’s trying to palm his kids off onto his latest girlfriend/wife, it’s amazing that so many women fall for it.

NowEvenBetter · 05/02/2022 13:06

Also, never pick a man who ‘kicks off’ or sulks or tantrums.

BurntToastAgain · 05/02/2022 13:56

It sounds to me like the old stepfamily ‘family time’ guilt trip.

90% of the time when men say this, it’s because they can’t be arsed looking after their own children without someone else to share the load (or relieve the boredom of it).

On the ‘sending a message’ thing… surely it’s great to show children that you are a person with their own things to do. You deserve some leisure time. And time to just get stuff done.

When are you supposed to go to the opticians or see your friends? A time where he is busy with children stuff anyway seems the ideal time.

RedWingBoots · 05/02/2022 14:06

Aparantly it doesn't scream "family" to DH and he's getting sulky.

He clearly doesn't know how families that don't have separated parents work as many of them do exactly what you are doing.

When I've dropped round to some of my siblings and their partner/spouse - and due to the age gaps some of them have been married since I was a teen - it is common for one of them to be off somewhere and the other to be at home with their all/some of their children.

When the children were teens or younger I would often then take them out leaving that parent home alone.

If they were all in it would be uncommon for me, one of the parents and one of the children to go off shopping including doing the weekly shop.

violetbunny · 05/02/2022 16:19

He's being ridiculous. If they lived with you full time and you were their parent then you would have to go out sometimes still,life doesn't stop just because it's their contact time. It sounds like it's dad guilt talking, he feels guilty so he's anxious not to do anything that gives them the impression they're unwelcome. I think it's a big red flag too that he's sulking about til what sort of manchild sulks when he doesn't get his own way?!

Original poster
YeOldePotato · 05/02/2022 17:09

@NowEvenBetter

He only sees them every two weeks?! That’s pathetic. He needs to be parenting his kids during the tiny amount of contact he bothers with, not trying to drag you in to it, or palm them off onto you, or lazily attempt to guilt trip you into parenting his kids for him.

There’s a thread on here every few days about yet another deadbeat man who’s trying to palm his kids off onto his latest girlfriend/wife, it’s amazing that so many women fall for it.

Wind your neck in.

They are here every other weekend and in the holidays I didn't say that was the only time he sees them did I so pipe down.

And he doesn't try to palm them off on me. You've got issues.

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Original poster
YeOldePotato · 05/02/2022 17:10

@RedWingBoots I think there's a lot of truth in that, when the dsc were younger it made sense but now they are older they want to do different things.

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Original poster
YeOldePotato · 05/02/2022 17:11

@NowEvenBetter and its not his fault the ex has been slowly eroding his contact time and he's fighting for every hour he can get. So leave it out.

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BurntToastAgain · 05/02/2022 17:52

I don’t know why people insist that half of all the weekends (and holidays) is not seeing your children at all. It’s totally unfair.

Not least because people will be equally aghast if the children have to keep moving between houses all the time during the week.

There’s no way to win.

NowEvenBetter · 05/02/2022 17:57

No issues here, cheers 😊 how is he fighting to increase his pitiful levels of contact? How many times has he been to court?

Glad to hear you’re not allowing him to palm his kids off onto you, now he needs to work on not ‘kicking off’ and sulking. Ever.

NowEvenBetter · 05/02/2022 17:58

Four days a month (and whenever school hols are) is pitiful. Prove me wrong, please.

BurntToastAgain · 05/02/2022 18:04

@NowEvenBetter

Four days a month (and whenever school hols are) is pitiful. Prove me wrong, please.
You have literally no idea, do you?

Do many mothers do their absolute best to maximise maintenance. Often by arguing that it’s not fair for the children to have to keep switching between houses.

And, actually, sometimes it just is thinking about what is best for the children by giving them consistency during the school week.

But, hey, let’s all pretend that it’s just s dutiful number of days and not half of all the time they have off school.

Original poster
YeOldePotato · 05/02/2022 18:47

@NowEvenBetter

No issues here, cheers 😊 how is he fighting to increase his pitiful levels of contact? How many times has he been to court? Glad to hear you’re not allowing him to palm his kids off onto you, now he needs to work on not ‘kicking off’ and sulking. Ever.
It's not a matter of me not allowing him to palm his kids off. He hasn't tried to so it's irrelevant.
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Original poster
YeOldePotato · 05/02/2022 18:50

@NowEvenBetter

Four days a month (and whenever school hols are) is pitiful. Prove me wrong, please.
Take that up with mum who decided to move so far away it would be cruel on them to do 50/50
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Original poster
YeOldePotato · 05/02/2022 18:53

@NowEvenBetter

No issues here, cheers 😊 how is he fighting to increase his pitiful levels of contact? How many times has he been to court? Glad to hear you’re not allowing him to palm his kids off onto you, now he needs to work on not ‘kicking off’ and sulking. Ever.
He is fighting to get his contact by doing all the journeys even though she moved away. She was slowly eroding the drop off time until it was getting to, I'll drop them off tomorrow. Oh I can't drive I've had a drink. He has arranged his work hours so he can go and see them for one evening in the week and has no choice but to take a picnic and sit in the car as they will run out of time before she demands them back. It is a 3.5-4 hour round trip each time.
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Original poster
YeOldePotato · 05/02/2022 18:54

And he was advised a court would see their current arrangement as fair (though would want her to help facilitate by driving at least one way as she moved)

What any of this has to do with me going out when they are here I don't know frankly.

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Dollyparton3 · 05/02/2022 19:03

@NowEvenBetter

Four days a month (and whenever school hols are) is pitiful. Prove me wrong, please.
More often than not it is pitiful, but also more often than not it's because the bitter ex has weaponised contact with the kids and held them to ransom.

However, if those 4 days a month are judged by the first wives club as precious and the only allowed contact then surely the OP doesn't need to spare wheel during that precious time?

Original poster
YeOldePotato · 05/02/2022 19:06

Also just how much more time is it you think mum actually spends with them? She might spend a lot of time doing stuff for them but actual contact time is slim due to all the extra curricular activities she gets them doing after school and then she leaves for work early in the mornings. Her only decent time is the weekends and holidays. But I'd never judge her for that. God this place is so judgey.

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