Covid & Contact

alwayswrighty · 2022-02-03T19:19:31+00:00

DHs ex has tested positive on Monday via lft and subsequent pcr. We are due to have DSS this weekend but I've a chronic illness and mil (who we normally visit) has several health issues that could complicate if she gets covid. Are we unreasonable if we tell ex we can't have DSS this weekend and make up for it elsewhere. DSS is 7 and would understand. I feel like an arsehole but dh can't work if he gets covid as he works with vulnerable adults and we can't afford for him not to be working.

ilovemyboys3 · 03/02/2022 19:21

I would say that's perfectly reasonable. We didn't have my husbands children over when their mum had covid. It's more than likely the dss will catch it and it from her anyways. He could come to you then rest positive the next day and have exposed you! I would put him off until the following weekend.

Original poster

alwayswrighty · 03/02/2022 19:22

That's exactly what we were thinking.

OP posts:

Lalala1 · 03/02/2022 20:30

You can’t just put him off he’s his child not a household chore! I get your worried about covid but he’s not tested positive his Dm has. It’s his contact day/days with his dad so he should still be going unless he unfortunately tests positive.

ilovemyboys3 · 03/02/2022 20:55

@Lalala1

You can’t just put him off he’s his child not a household chore! I get your worried about covid but he’s not tested positive his Dm has. It’s his contact day/days with his dad so he should still be going unless he unfortunately tests positive.

They absolutely can defer contact. Health reasons aside, catching covid causes other issues for people. Why would you risk it. I am a step mum and a mum and wouldn't send my child to his dads, nor accept my husbands kids to ours in that situation.

Lalala1 · 03/02/2022 22:30

@ilovemyboys3

But the child doesn’t have covid! Just because his dm has tested positive doesn’t mean he will catch it off her, if an lft comes back negative it’s unfair to stop him having his contact his dad don’t get to “defer” being a parent because his mum is ill. I’d completely understand if he was positive but he’s not imo

ilovemyboys3 · 04/02/2022 07:18

[quote Lalala1]@ilovemyboys3

But the child doesn’t have covid! Just because his dm has tested positive doesn’t mean he will catch it off her, if an lft comes back negative it’s unfair to stop him having his contact his dad don’t get to “defer” being a parent because his mum is ill. I’d completely understand if he was positive but he’s not imo[/quote]
Are you not aware that a person is most contagious before a positive test result? Considering he's living with his mother who will be preparing his meals, looking after him who actually had covid, the likelihood of him catching it is quite high

sassbott · 04/02/2022 07:30

It’s a personal choice I think and comes down to how people feel about covid/ risks etc.

I personally wouldn’t stop the child coming. But then I had covid a few months back when it was ripping through everyone in London and I have no underlying health conditions. I’m also of the view that we need to live with it now.

But then I have a friend who continues to shield and as such would handle it very differently. I think it’s personal choice.

Original poster

alwayswrighty · 04/02/2022 07:36

@Lalala1

I understand that he's not a household chore (never seen him as such), and I want to see him as much as he would want to see us but we cannot afford a week or two unpaid sick leave for my husband if my DSS is incubating it and we can't afford for mil to get it because with the multiple underlying health conditions, and her age, it could kill her. We normally go to hers at least 3/4 times per week after work to give fil a rest from caring for her, sorry if that sounds like a drip feed but it's the truth.

All of us have managed to avoid it so far by taking precautions.

We haven't said anything other than DH who has told ex DSS needs a negative lft Saturday, but I feel its risky because he could test positive Sunday and then we're all potentially going to get it anyway. DH ex has said to him we should take DSS regardless.

OP posts:

Original poster

alwayswrighty · 04/02/2022 07:40

I personally wouldn’t stop the child coming. But then I had covid a few months back when it was ripping through everyone in London and I have no underlying health conditions. I’m also of the view that we need to live with it now

I would agree with you normally. If ex had tested positive last week and we'd had 10 days to see if DSS had contracted it, but she tested positive this week and DSS could be incubating it.

Both I and MIL have underlying medical conditions so it may affect us in a different way to someone who is fit and healthy.

OP posts:

tiredofthisshit21 · 04/02/2022 07:42

Absolutely defer his visit. We have done this several times with my stepson - what's the point in risking the spread between households.

YeOldePotato · 04/02/2022 08:01

Absolutely reasonable. There's no point rising both parents getting ill.

vivainsomnia · 04/02/2022 08:50

So he already told her that he would have him if he test negative and you want him to go back on this and say he won't have him? Maybe she's losing money too. Maybe she is exhausted, feeling poorly and needs that break.

In any case, he's already old her he would have him so yes, O think it would be unreasonable to go back on his words now.

Tell MIL he can't see her this weekend but will come more often next if all is OK.

cherrytreecottage · 04/02/2022 09:01

If DSC are negative but DM positive, my DSC would be staying with us until their DM was negative and doing daily LFT's.

Lalala1 · 04/02/2022 10:10

@ilovemyboys3

I’m well aware of that thanks but it’s not a given he will catch covid from dm because she’s still looking after him in that household. My daughter had covid over Xmas no k on e else in my household tested positive and I looked after her as normal.

Dss dm is doing lfts so she’s at least being reasonable but he should still be allowed to stay unless testing positive. U can’t say I’m not being a “parent” this week just incase ds is contagious because I can’t afford to “ stay off work and lose income” as for the mil I get it the op doesn’t want to risk her catching covid but that’s for ops DH to deal with and not see mil until dss goes home not for dss to not see his dad or for Dm to parent dss on his contact days all the while she is ill with covid herself.

OP I’m not having a go I understand people are worried about covid but your dss is not anymore of a risk to your household while negative as your DHs colleagues are while he’s at work, he could catch it from anyone at anytime so unless your dss tests positive he should still be going.

I agree with @cherrytreecottage i actually think he should be staying with his dad until his dm gets over covid.

Coffeepot72 · 04/02/2022 11:36

And here we go again - common sense goes out the window when a step child is involved. If the post had been "shall we defer my cousin's visit" then I suspect it would have been a unanimous yes .....

I have no idea why people think a visiting schedule overrides health.

vivainsomnia · 04/02/2022 11:43

Why does the nrp health overrides that of the rp? And why comparing a nephew/niece with your own child? It's absurd. Your responsibilities toward your child are nothing like that of your nephews/cousins.

A reverse would be dad tests positive on Sunday morning before SC is due to go home. He is feeling quite poorly.

Mum insists he has to stay there because she has to work and doesn't want her other children to catch it. Dad has no say and has to look after healthy child, find away to take him to school on Monday just because mum doesn't want to take any risks.

She would without a doubt be call many names here.

Coffeepot72 · 04/02/2022 11:50

Why does the nrp health overrides that of the rp?

Why would you risk infecting an otherwise healthy household with COVID, just to uphold a visiting schedule??

YeOldePotato · 04/02/2022 12:51

@vivainsomnia

Why does the nrp health overrides that of the rp? And why comparing a nephew/niece with your own child? It's absurd. Your responsibilities toward your child are nothing like that of your nephews/cousins.

A reverse would be dad tests positive on Sunday morning before SC is due to go home. He is feeling quite poorly.

Mum insists he has to stay there because she has to work and doesn't want her other children to catch it. Dad has no say and has to look after healthy child, find away to take him to school on Monday just because mum doesn't want to take any risks.

She would without a doubt be call many names here.

No I would agree with DC staying with dad and would be calling mum very sensible...

YeOldePotato · 04/02/2022 12:51

@Coffeepot72

Why does the nrp health overrides that of the rp?

Why would you risk infecting an otherwise healthy household with COVID, just to uphold a visiting schedule??

I think people forget how ill it can make some people tbh

ChoiceMummy · 04/02/2022 13:00

@alwayswrighty

I personally wouldn’t stop the child coming. But then I had covid a few months back when it was ripping through everyone in London and I have no underlying health conditions. I’m also of the view that we need to live with it now

I would agree with you normally. If ex had tested positive last week and we'd had 10 days to see if DSS had contracted it, but she tested positive this week and DSS could be incubating it.

Both I and MIL have underlying medical conditions so it may affect us in a different way to someone who is fit and healthy.

We're you actually on the shielding list @alwayswrighty?

If not, then I think that given the mother was positive on Monday and vast majority of people are catching covid a d testing positive 2.5 days later, that if on Saturday 6 days later, that the child is not likely to have it. On this occasion.

He has probably sat next to positive cases in school that you're unaware of and still come over. This imo is no different.

If you're concerned then provide alternative support for fil this week.

Original poster

alwayswrighty · 04/02/2022 13:25

Resounding I am being unreasonable then. Fingers crossed we don't get it. Can't really afford a week with DH having no pay right now.

We're you actually on the shielding list @alwayswrighty? - Yes I was, and I have stayed home (apart from my 3 x weekly run and helping FIL out) for 2 years to avoid getting it.

I'm not trying to be an arse about this but I am concerned about the welfare of my family, which I think is understandable.

OP posts:

ChoiceMummy · 04/02/2022 13:32

@alwayswrighty

Resounding I am being unreasonable then. Fingers crossed we don't get it. Can't really afford a week with DH having no pay right now.

We're you actually on the shielding list @alwayswrighty? - Yes I was, and I have stayed home (apart from my 3 x weekly run and helping FIL out) for 2 years to avoid getting it.

I'm not trying to be an arse about this but I am concerned about the welfare of my family, which I think is understandable.

I understand cev stress.

Are you now vaccinated and booster?

Are you immunocompromised?

If you're really concerned, then perhaps you staying with inlaws for the weekend and then getting oh to isolate next week?

YeOldePotato · 04/02/2022 13:52

You're not being unreasonable AT ALL

QuirkyTurtle · 04/02/2022 13:56

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all.

If I were in your position, we would be switching weekends. Thankfully my situation is easy because my stepson's mum is a very reasonable person who is responsible enough to insist on quarantining her son along with herself.

What is the point in co-parenting if you can't have each other's backs like this. Not everything needs to be about proving a point.

ProfessorInkling · 04/02/2022 13:56

It’s not a visiting schedule, it’s his home too, isn’t it?

I’d have DSD in the same circs. You can catch covid anywhere, anytime. I wouldn’t keep a stepchild away from me anymore than my own children. And I’d want the other parent to be able to rest!