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Original poster

Covid & Contact

65 replies

alwayswrighty · 03/02/2022 19:19

DHs ex has tested positive on Monday via lft and subsequent pcr. We are due to have DSS this weekend but I've a chronic illness and mil (who we normally visit) has several health issues that could complicate if she gets covid.

Are we unreasonable if we tell ex we can't have DSS this weekend and make up for it elsewhere.

DSS is 7 and would understand. I feel like an arsehole but dh can't work if he gets covid as he works with vulnerable adults and we can't afford for him not to be working.

OP posts:
Penvelopey · 14/02/2022 07:41

@alwayswrighty yes it seems particularly unfair that your FIL and MIL should be affected

sixpencenonethepoorer · 14/02/2022 07:41

It's always a tricky one. It's not a black and white situation - everyone deals with covid in the way that suits them and their situation.

Yes, agreed, this is not a 'visit' - it's a child coming to their home. Not the same as nieces and nephews visiting at all.

What would you do if one of you contracted covid and your SC was in your home; would you keep him with you?

The other thing is, of course, he can still go to school, there will be other people you both come into context with who could be in your SC position.

I can see that he came this weekend - my opinion for what it's worth, is that there is no absolute black and white as this thread has shown. You just have to do what you feel is right for you at the time.

Original poster
alwayswrighty · 14/02/2022 07:42

Joy of being a step parent. Can't do right from wrong 🤣

OP posts:
sixpencenonethepoorer · 14/02/2022 07:42

[quote Penvelopey]@alwayswrighty yes it seems particularly unfair that your FIL and MIL should be affected[/quote]
I don't think they do have to be affected - a temporary week off visiting them would be fine. Adjustments have to be made - we have all had to do this with bells on over the last 2 years.

sixpencenonethepoorer · 14/02/2022 07:43

@alwayswrighty

Joy of being a step parent. Can't do right from wrong 🤣
I agree with this!! Grin
Penvelopey · 14/02/2022 07:44

I don't think they do have to be affected - a temporary week off visiting them would be fine. Adjustments have to be made - we have all had to do this with bells on over the last 2 years. oh yes I agree that's what I was trying to say but failed. It's unfair for them to be affected. We've had to move contact so many times over the last few years and juggle it all. It worked well until the last few months when mum has decided she doesn't care anymore.

Penvelopey · 14/02/2022 07:45

Oh I see you mean visiting the inlaws.. no they rely on the help. Its not on to leave them to fend for themselves if it can be avoided. That's an awful way to treat elder relatives.

lostoldname · 14/02/2022 07:53

Hi, hopefully you don't get it. If you do your DH would still be entitled to claim the isolation support payment, details are on your local authority website.

sixpencenonethepoorer · 14/02/2022 07:59

@Penvelopey

Oh I see you mean visiting the inlaws.. no they rely on the help. Its not on to leave them to fend for themselves if it can be avoided. That's an awful way to treat elder relatives.
I don't think it was an "awful" suggestion. Are they actual carers? I agree it would be hard, but there are lots of other instances where covid could make it tricky. Covid means lots of families have had to adjust and hopefully BM will understand this.

I stand by what I said. There's no "awful" here, I just think it's down to the individual families to do the best thing for them, it's a very contentious issue, not the same for everyone. This thread is testament to that.

Original poster
alwayswrighty · 14/02/2022 17:50

@sixpencenonethepoorer we aren't 'official' carers but we help FIL as much as possible because he's older than MIL and looks like he has onset of parkinsons and exhausted.

I understand if we can we should have DSS, and I don't dispute that, I just think that shifting a weekend to ensure that no one unnecessarily gets ill is no big deal. I say that as someone who had DSS one day after being discharged from hospital with meningitis so it's not like I've ever asked my husband to shirk his responsibility.

OP posts:
Original poster
alwayswrighty · 14/02/2022 17:54

@lostoldname he wouldn't be entitled to that payment because he's not on ant benefits, and neither am I. Just had an unfortunate set of events through covid he is a chef

OP posts:
sixpencenonethepoorer · 14/02/2022 17:54

[quote alwayswrighty]@sixpencenonethepoorer we aren't 'official' carers but we help FIL as much as possible because he's older than MIL and looks like he has onset of parkinsons and exhausted.

I understand if we can we should have DSS, and I don't dispute that, I just think that shifting a weekend to ensure that no one unnecessarily gets ill is no big deal. I say that as someone who had DSS one day after being discharged from hospital with meningitis so it's not like I've ever asked my husband to shirk his responsibility.[/quote]
@alwayswrighty I agree, and definitely should be able to do this if it's possible. We have requested similar swaps too, and I wasn't meaning to minimise t he issues for your in-laws.

What I was doing really, was railing against the absolute opinions and judgemental comments - I think with covid it's just really important that we accept people deal with it in their own way. If this is tue way that works for you, then of course that's fine. The problem arises when BM thinks differently - we've had that too!

KylieKoKo · 14/02/2022 19:05

This was a no brainer for us. Our contact has always been flexible anyway but when our two households had covid at different times we didn't see each other. It's just common sense not to risk spreading covid from one house to another.

Original poster
alwayswrighty · 15/02/2022 08:14

@sixpencenonethepoorer thank you. I mean as a SM you always get some form of judgement. Don't get me wrong I was a single parent for 15 years so I know how tiring it is being one and that feeling of needing a rest desperately which is why I would never unnecessarily refuse to have DSS, but at the same time BM doesn't understand fully the consequences of us catching covid, and so far we've avoided it.

Anyway, moot point because we were fortunate enough that we didn't when he came but we still had to stay away from in laws for a week to be safe and fil slept for a good 16 hours when we came to help, he was exhausted.

OP posts:
TooBig2100 · 17/02/2022 07:55

I would defer yes.

We had norovirus during DSC visit a while back and their Mum asked that they stay with us as it was likely they'd come down with it too. They did the next day and we avoided passing it onto their mum's house. If everyone is usually reasonable and amicable I don't see why it's so terrible to try and avoid making others sick if possible.

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