There's nothing we can do about this, is there?

[AndSoFinally]

SDC (8) stays with us one night a week and three nights EOW.

Without fail he is unable to sleep the first night he comes because he has a TV on all night at mums and says he can't sleep without it.

He sleeps fine the second and subsequent nights.

We don't have TV in bedrooms here. When DP asked mum about it and said he was concerned (due to SDCs lack of concentration and behaviour at school, probably not helped by crappy sleep), she suggested we get a TV for him here. I don't think that's wise as although I appreciate a routine is good and he should have the same conditions here and at home, I think she should be getting rid of the TV rather than the other way around!

There's absolutely bugger all we can do it about it, isn't there? It drives me nuts, and I hate the battle every week.🤦🏻

Any suggestions?

Why are you checking his Youtube history?

Because he's 8?! Aren't you supposed to check what they're doing online?!

His parents should, yes.

What his dad’s involvement with school? That seems like a good place to raise concerns about things affecting his behaviour and learning.

Dad is much more involved with school than mum. Not judging, but I think mum is slightly distrustful of authority and feels like anything they say against DC is a direct judgement on her parenting and so she tends to be quite prickly about it.

DP is a teacher himself so I think they prefer to talk to him as he accepts what they say about behaviour without jumping on the offensive

We couldn't have let our DS have a TV at 8 because he had no control and he would have had it on ALL night too.
We relented at age 11 with the rule that he sets Alexa timer and the remote comes through to our room when the timer goes off.
It's working so far and no other tech allowed in bedrooms so no phones/iPads/laptops etc.
DS (now 12) still has no control but he follows the rules.
Could you try the timer thing and then remove?

He hasn't mentioned the TV to school or anything. Would this help do you think? Or would it just get mums back up?

If he’s actually about to be assessed due to behaviour and not concentrating have you considered that he might have something like ADHD and his mind doesn’t switch off and actually the TV is a sleep aid and helps him?

Could you try the timer thing and then remove?

The problem is he wakes in the middle of the night saying he can't sleep and so would want it on at that point. I'm not sure our will is strong enough to not give in at 2am when you just want to sleep if the TV is already there!

If he’s actually about to be assessed due to behaviour and not concentrating have you considered that he might have something like ADHD and his mind doesn’t switch off and actually the TV is a sleep aid and helps him

But then wouldn't he need it every night rather than just the first one?

I think he just works himself up into a state thinking he can't do it, so then he really can't because he's worrying about not sleeping

As for insomniac I find the silence at night utterly unbearable and dd is the exact same. Neither of us can drop off in silence.

I sleep with the TV on but I agree it is bad for a child. As such dd has a stereo in her room and since Xmas an alexa too so she can either have music or stories read to her. Both have timers to turn them off after about an hour.

Once he's done it one night he's fine. But then he goes back to mums and forgets he managed last time so the whole thing starts again

If his dad's a teacher, presuably he's fairly clued-up - you don't say much about what he thinks about all this?

He thinks sleep hygiene is important. No screens, bedtime routine, etc.

He has a poor relationship with mum though, so they really can't talk about this sensibly unfortunately. If he told mum he thought the TV was an excellent idea, she'd probably stop doing it. I think the fact he's against it probably makes her dig her heels in, but the result is the same

Thank you for all the suggestions. Some things to try here definitely

It must be horribly unsettling for a child of that age to have two homes with two set of rules and expectations. If he's needing a developmental assessment, then he's struggling. Whether there's some neurodiveristy complicating things, or whether he's just struggling, maybe you need to relax your standards and meet him halfway for now. Let him have the telly, but with boundaries around what he's watching. I don't like TVs in bedrooms either, but it sounds to me as though you have bigger fish to fry with this child than sleep hygiene at the moment. More important that he knows whether he's coming or going and can cope day to day.

Definitely worth mentioning it to school. Not to dob mum in but to give a full picture. He sounds obsessed, it’s obviously a big deal, but then he gets over it.

On his opad go to YouTube and type "rain sounds on a tent" place it up high out of reach with the screen visible.

It plays for 10 hours and has cured my 10yos adhd related insomnia. Don't ask me how or what but trust me it's magic.

But if he has a tv he’s going to have all his nights at his OP’s be unsettled, not just the first one. That’s worse.

I have considered just giving in to it and getting a TV, but I have children too who I'm sure would love a TV in their room, but I'm not going down that road!

There is a security light you can get that mimics the patterns of a TV to look like someone's home, could that help as a nightlight maybe? Sorry just read the op's posts if it's already been suggested.

Ooh, maybe!

Will look into that.

What would I search for on Amazon?

Hey , I've briefly read most replies so I apologise if this has been mentioned! But do you think maybe he likes the light in the background... as well as noise too?

I too have DSC and we try not to make things "too" different as our home is their home too and they should feel settled as much as possible.

Obviously everyone is different regarding rules ect...Just a thought

He has the landing light on right outside his room so it's not dark at all. He freaks out if you turn the light off

And his bedroom door open so it's quite well lit. I couldn't sleep in there!