DH had a bad Christmas: a cautionary tale on keeping one's nose out of any parenting decisions. However small.

[PeeAche]

On Christmas morning, the DSC woke up at 4.30am and emptied their stockings.

DSS (who is 7) spent most of Christmas Day basically unable to function due to tiredness. I think this also made him irritable.

DSS also did not write a letter to Father Christmas this year. Didn't want to and couldn't be cajoled into it.

At 9ish when we unwrapped our gifts, DSS was very unhappy to not get Pokémon cards from The Big Guy. (Apart from 20 specialist shiny ones that came in his stocking.)
Father Christmas had instead left him some Lego which DSS was very unhappy about and refuses to even look at. DSS is usually a Lego fiend and especially likes the themed sets - which these were. (Harry Potter)

My DH and I had bought DSS some Pokémon cards in a collectible tin (it was on DSS's Christmas list) but these had been given from us and not Santa. DSS was pleased with this but could not understand why Father Christmas hadn't just bought him even more Pokémon cards. DSS says that when he went to bed on Christmas Eve, he closed his eyes and wished and wished to Santa for nothing but "millions of Pokémon cards".

Anyway...

Rewind to about 1 week before Christmas and DH says to me "I don't know if I should give the Pokémon cards or the Lego from Father Christmas?" I advised that if we were putting the 20 specialist, shiny and v v expensive cards in the stocking, then the tin might be better coming from us. DH said "that's what I thought too" and then he wrapped and labelled the stuff appropriately. The end.

Today DH says it's my fault for weighing in. He says he "knew" he should have given the Pokémon cards from The Man in Red. 🙄

I think DH is being silly and maybe that my DSS should have been told to not be so ungrateful. But I haven't passed any comment on the matter. I really don't think my DH should be tied up in knots over it but DH is just very upset that he "dropped the ball" on his son's Christmas and thinks he's done a bad job.

I also slightly dried out the breast meat on the turkey (a crime in this house but please forgive me, I was cooking for 14 people in a new kitchen!) and my DH's father tested positive on Christmas morning and so his parents couldn't come over. So all in all, my DH had a "bad Christmas". He's just dropped off the kiddos with their mum and now he's taken himself off to bed. 🙄🙄

So listen up, step parents - even if it seems innocuous - having any opinion on anything, however small, can come back to bite you in the butt!

Next year when my DH asks me what should come from Father Christmas I am going to say "whatever you think, dear" 😅

No, I'm not leaving my husband over Pokémon cards.
No, I'm not the other woman.
No, I don't hate my step children.
Yes, of course I brined the turkey!!

That sounds super irritating 😂

Good grief what a manchild don't breed with him you will be forever to blame I mean

The angst THE ANGST OF IT ALL!!!

it's fucking pokemon cards I left ds pokemon cards in the fucking shop totally forgot to grab it from argos then got covid and couldn't

He survived

Stocking from Santa, present from parents..

Blanket rule that if you are unappreciative of presents, then they won't come next year.

There .. fixed it!

But...
DSS acting spoiled, DH was rude.

Mmm. As a child, we only had a stocking from the Big Guy. No presents from him wrapped under the tree. But that's how he and his ex both do it, so I keep my nose out.

Mostly. Sometimes I give unsolicited advice and get stuck with a sulking DH.

DSS is a spoilt brat, or at least, he was acting like one.
From your description of your H, the apple hasn't fallen far...

Oh dear. Unfortunately I know what you mean. DH would ask for ideas for gifts, then poo-pooh every suggestion 😬so in the end I tend to just shop for DD and DSC get them things I think they'll like and about a fortnight or so before Christmas I show him what I've got. He sorts the DSC main gifts and gets something of his choice for DD. Ours are also past the Father Christmas years so that's easier!

Yup man child raising future man child is what sprung to mind. What a peach there. 👌🏼

Father Christmas is a really difficult thing to pull off when kids are split between 2 homes anyway. I do think my step children are a bit spoiled, unfortunately. Every time they come to our house (weekly) they go back to their mum's and she leaves them a gift on their pillow. Meanwhile, at our house, they get a lot of sweets. So many sweets that they often forget to even open their advent calendar. (When I was a child this could never happen. A chocolate before breakfast every day for a month? Um yes!)

So yeah, spoiled.

I wonder where DSS has got the idea that it is a good idea to sulk from. Can't see why his ex would have let such a fine specimen of a man slip through her fingers.

Well, I mean she cheated on him, drove his car into a wall and shaved her 6yo daughter's head as a punishment for letting her hair down at school.

So let's not assume she's a wonderful woman just because my DH has gone to bed early.

Like, I'm not saying he's behaving like a champ but it doesn't automatically elevate her to Woman of the Year. You know?

I don't think anyone is talking about why his wife left him/he left her, they are talking about why you bothered picking him up afterwards! He's blaming you and sulking about something so trivial and ridiculous, and both him and your DSS sound horrid. I'd be concluding that they have spoiled MY Christmas with their sulky emotionally immature ways (poor kid, he's just taking after dad and mum by the sounds of it) and wondering if this was the future for me, and any kids I would have.

@OnwardsAndSideways1

I don't think anyone is talking about why his wife left him/he left her, they are talking about why you bothered picking him up afterwards! He's blaming you and sulking about something so trivial and ridiculous, and both him and your DSS sound horrid. I'd be concluding that they have spoiled MY Christmas with their sulky emotionally immature ways (poor kid, he's just taking after dad and mum by the sounds of it) and wondering if this was the future for me, and any kids I would have.

I understand the point you are making but, you are wrong. Possibly because you a misunderstood or, more likely, because you chose to read it some other way in order to be critical.

"I can't see why his ex would let such a fine specimen of a man slip through her fingers" is the very definition of speculating on why his ex wife and he split up.

Naturally, I didn't marry him because he sulks. It's reductive of you or anyone else to suggest that him sulking today over something ridiculous is something I deserve for marrying the guy.

I assume, since you are here with your holier than thou opinions that you are a step mother and married to a man that never steps a foot wrong.

Either that or you're a bitter twisted ex wife that should really have thought twice about procreating with the man you divorced.

If you're the latter, I'm positive that you won't mind me saying so. Since you said as much to me about my child.

My husband is in a bad mood. It doesn't mean there's something inherently wrong with me or my baby or that I should live in regret at having a child with a man I love. Nasty poisonous vipers that don't believe ex husbands should "breed" with second wives. 🙄 Merry Fucking Christmas.

Do you have wine in the house? That is what I would do, drink wine.

Hopefully next year your dss will be old enough to know that all his presents actually come from the adults, although he most likely won’t admit this!
I’d put his behaviour down to tiredness in the first instance. I’m not sure why he was allowed to get up so early! Lesson learned. Next year, not allowed up before 7.30!

Well, that escalated quickly 😂

Of course you should express an opinion - one of them should be to tell your idiotic husband that if he lets his kids get up at 4.30 am, of course they're going to be overtired and grumpy!
It's your house too - tell the silly sod to stop sulking!

It's Christmas, people get overly wound up about the most minor of things. They will all be over it tomorrow.

Nothing good ever happens after a 4:30 start. Stupid sleep thieving children.

I’d have an issue with your DH attitude.

He asked a question, you have your opinion and HE DECIDED TO DO WHAT YOU SUGGESTED (sorry for shouting).
You didn’t force him, you didn’t insist, just gave your opinion.

He needs to learn to take responsibility for his own actions really.

Your dss… well he is 7yo. Up to your DH to parent him really

@PeeAche

Mmm. As a child, we only had a stocking from the Big Guy. No presents from him wrapped under the tree. But that's how he and his ex both do it, so I keep my nose out.

Mostly. Sometimes I give unsolicited advice and get stuck with a sulking DH.

It wasn’t unsolicited though was it?

Your DH was the one who had hesitation on whether to have the cards as a present from Santa or not.
You only answered his question.

I suspect that if you were not giving him your pov, he would be unhappy about it. Because let’s face it…. It’s not really helpful

I hope dH enjoys cooking Christmas Day lunch next year.
& gift shopping for his DCs

Yes, I would hold the line on these.

There’s a thread somewhere on one of the board’s re letting go of the mental load / making Christmas easier. Just a thought…

I think that you should drink wine too - have spent the whole of today biting my tongue about Pil’s and am in slight shock that my dh has finally come to the same conclusion as me. Am also drinking because biting your tongue is hard bloody work but could luck with it next year.

Good