DH had a bad Christmas: a cautionary tale on keeping one's nose out of any parenting decisions. However small.

[PeeAche]

On Christmas morning, the DSC woke up at 4.30am and emptied their stockings.

DSS (who is 7) spent most of Christmas Day basically unable to function due to tiredness. I think this also made him irritable.

DSS also did not write a letter to Father Christmas this year. Didn't want to and couldn't be cajoled into it.

At 9ish when we unwrapped our gifts, DSS was very unhappy to not get Pokémon cards from The Big Guy. (Apart from 20 specialist shiny ones that came in his stocking.)
Father Christmas had instead left him some Lego which DSS was very unhappy about and refuses to even look at. DSS is usually a Lego fiend and especially likes the themed sets - which these were. (Harry Potter)

My DH and I had bought DSS some Pokémon cards in a collectible tin (it was on DSS's Christmas list) but these had been given from us and not Santa. DSS was pleased with this but could not understand why Father Christmas hadn't just bought him even more Pokémon cards. DSS says that when he went to bed on Christmas Eve, he closed his eyes and wished and wished to Santa for nothing but "millions of Pokémon cards".

Anyway...

Rewind to about 1 week before Christmas and DH says to me "I don't know if I should give the Pokémon cards or the Lego from Father Christmas?" I advised that if we were putting the 20 specialist, shiny and v v expensive cards in the stocking, then the tin might be better coming from us. DH said "that's what I thought too" and then he wrapped and labelled the stuff appropriately. The end.

Today DH says it's my fault for weighing in. He says he "knew" he should have given the Pokémon cards from The Man in Red. 🙄

I think DH is being silly and maybe that my DSS should have been told to not be so ungrateful. But I haven't passed any comment on the matter. I really don't think my DH should be tied up in knots over it but DH is just very upset that he "dropped the ball" on his son's Christmas and thinks he's done a bad job.

I also slightly dried out the breast meat on the turkey (a crime in this house but please forgive me, I was cooking for 14 people in a new kitchen!) and my DH's father tested positive on Christmas morning and so his parents couldn't come over. So all in all, my DH had a "bad Christmas". He's just dropped off the kiddos with their mum and now he's taken himself off to bed. 🙄🙄

So listen up, step parents - even if it seems innocuous - having any opinion on anything, however small, can come back to bite you in the butt!

Next year when my DH asks me what should come from Father Christmas I am going to say "whatever you think, dear" 😅

No, I'm not leaving my husband over Pokémon cards.
No, I'm not the other woman.
No, I don't hate my step children.
Yes, of course I brined the turkey!!

Would strongly suggest you tell the spoilt DSS that father Christmas doesn't exist next year. Job done.

If my DP tried this attitude with me I would be reminding him that I had just had to put up with his son's terrible attitude on Christmas so if he thought taking his irritation out on me was a good idea he had another thing coming.

DH still in bed, and it's been 18 hours! Noticed he was hot as fuck in his sleep last night. Hauled him out of bed for a test and has tested positive for Covid this morning. (We've been testing regularly and he was negative yesterday)

He's learning now that one of his colleagues has had it since Christmas Eve, when they had a meeting together (face to face).

We had a whole thing just before Christmas where his family had it and we had to make choices to not see them at all. Turns out, we've been incubating it right here the entire time. And have probably sent kids back to their mums with it. Oh boy.

Now I just feel sorry for him. FFS.

And have probably sent kids back to their mums with it. Oh boy

This is one of my worst fears as I know mum will claim we did it deliberately. We end up testing every day they are with us just in case.

Oh shit. Hope he’s okay and that you don’t get it.

(You are still justifiably pissed off re Pokemon)

@oftenbaffled

Basically

Christmas at yours sounded like a thoroughly unhappy occasion for everyone

Ouch. Cheers for that. I worked my tits off.

What did you expect

This is what you’ve told us

Very overtired and grumpy children
“Very unhappy” DSS with his present
Argument between you and DH
DH in a mood and describes as a “bad Christmas”

I meant it’s not exactly the waltons, is it?

Right. Hopefully not every single 1 of the 14 people I cooked for, bought presents for and made beds up for all had a "thoroughly unhappy Christmas" in my house though, aye?

You're a nasty one.

Look, I'm tired, I'm pregnant, I'm emotional, I've probably given my entire family covid. It's not your place to say what a shitty place my home is.

Every time I post anything on stepparenting, it's just a matter of minutes before some uppity non step mother comes along and tells me what a shit show my life is. I always take it lying down. We all do. And MNHQ allow it. I'm sick of it. Unless you have something constructive to say, do one.

@oftenbaffled

Basically

Christmas at yours sounded like a thoroughly unhappy occasion for everyone

Whoah! Complete over reaction.

1 child was a bit upset as now they possibly don't believe in santa or something

1 adult was a bit of a grump about the turkey

1 adult is having a sulk but turns out he has covid so now maybe he was feeling run down before then.

OP has worked her socks off to cook for everyone so don't kick her while they are down.

@oftenbaffled

Basically

Christmas at yours sounded like a thoroughly unhappy occasion for everyone

Because you’ve never had ANY issue at Christmas? No child that was upset they didn’t get THE toy they wanted? No one ever making rude or entitled comments? No one ever over reacting to normal life set backs?

It must be nice to life a life as perfect as yours. Or it’s just a dream and it doesn’t exist.

Oh love.
Take yourself off for a long bath and try to relax.
It sounds like you've worked your socks off and it's not been appreciated as much as it should have been.

I'm usually one for telling sulking men to grow up and knock it off but we have all overreacted occasionally, especially in the days before being ill and not realising why everything was such a big deal.

DSS will only remember the good in a few days. It sounds like he was tired and had over hyped expectations.
The COVID is one of those things. Everyone who made the decision to meet up with others over the holidays knew that it was a risk.

Next year, your mother can be incharge of the fucking turkey (just like my brother who had the nerve to complain about the same thing)

@PeeAche

Look, I'm tired, I'm pregnant, I'm emotional, I've probably given my entire family covid. It's not your place to say what a shitty place my home is.

Every time I post anything on stepparenting, it's just a matter of minutes before some uppity non step mother comes along and tells me what a shit show my life is. I always take it lying down. We all do. And MNHQ allow it. I'm sick of it. Unless you have something constructive to say, do one.

Well said OP.

@oftenbaffled

What did you expect

This is what you’ve told us

Very overtired and grumpy children
“Very unhappy” DSS with his present
Argument between you and DH
DH in a mood and describes as a “bad Christmas”

I meant it’s not exactly the waltons, is it?

No it isn't, but all because of the terrible attitudes of the DSS and DH, so what point are you trying to make here?

@PeeAche

Right. Hopefully not every single 1 of the 14 people I cooked for, bought presents for and made beds up for all had a "thoroughly unhappy Christmas" in my house though, aye?

You're a nasty one.

Ignore them. Folks commenting like this have their own check list of grievances and sources of bitterness.

Op, I think that you have had a hard time on here.

Hopefully your dh will recover soon and you don't get covid yourself.

Oh bugger it. Sending hugs peechy hopefully you can avoid plague and DSC have avoided it also.

@oftenbaffled there's always one. And every time you sound like a 🔔 end.

Thanks everyone. I think that some folks see us as easy targets over here. They assume because we've married a man with children that we're "doormats" and they think because we're asking for advice on these matters that we're "weak".

Two words that I see crop up on stepparenting over and over.

With this in mind, they take pop shots at us. Weak doormats will take it all lying down, right? Wrong.

I'm tired of it. I'm a frazzled stepmother, with Hyperemesis and a full time job... not a moron. And mean people need to step off.

My DH is the worst fucking patient in the world. He didn't even realise he had any symptoms until I pointed it out - now he's just about dying. 😅

"Oh no, I can't manage a thing... well, maybe just a pack of noodles. And a piece of bread. Can you butter the bread? Do we have any Forrero Roche left? That'll do. I don't have much of an appetite." 😅

I've just spoken to my lovely community midwives who assure me that I'm definitely going to be fine, even if I catch it, as long as I've had all my jabs. I'm moving into the spare room and leaving DH to the master bed which has a telly, an en suite and a sofa so I think he'll be fine to isolate in comfort!

Candles, you light up my (Mumsnet) life! 😌 xxx

Op I was I was t blaming you for what sounded like an unhappy Christmas!

I have read all your posts, and you don’t seem to at all like your DH (deservedly so), and there seems to be a significant different approach to parenting on the horizon when you have your baby.

I really hope things improve for yours and your unborn baby’s sake (and of course the step kids!)

@PeeAche from fellow mama that suffered HG you have my upmost sympathies and also well done for not smothering DH with pillow. Stronger and more patient women than I am ! I shan't give any tips on MS as frankly I never found anything that worked and if one more person suggested a ginger biscuit, I was ready to go on mass killing spree ! May it pass quickly for you !

In the meantime I'm glad you have safe space and maybe suggest a lock on master door ? Not to lock DH per say but 😅 to have the option.

With this in mind, they take pop shots at us. Weak doormats will take it all lying down, right? Wrong.

Too right ! Well done handling that 👏🏼 Some now seemed to have taken unbridge that they can't come along and attack every single post with bull (with a nice bunch of regular posters who help balance the bull) and now seem suitably annoyed when the pile on gets stopped, crying this used to be such a nice place and gaslighting in the form at well it's so much better than it used to be because OW question doesn't happen every second post be grateful post 🥳 same record different title.

I do wonder if a SD posted whether he would repeatedly asked if he was the OM ? Anyone want to act as tribute 😉

My user name Candlelightsatdawn is a play on pitchforks at dawn which seems to be what happened every time someone posted. Vipers be dammed.

You cooked a holiday dinner for 14 people and your mother complained while pregnant with HG?!! Good grief! I think you're a saint not to have shared the truth with stepson about Santa Claus and told your husband to fuck off. I don't understand him blaming you and getting bitchy after giving him an opinion? My husband wouldn't dare pull that nonsense and next time he asks an opinion tell him "I'm afraid not,darling don't you remember Christmas? Only if you sign a waiver not to complain!" BTW you didn't intentionally pass Covid on to your family don't feel guilty.

@errorcode010010010100010

All presents come from Father Christmas until you become an adult.

Yes I agree. I don’t understand the mindset that a present is “too good” to be from Father Christmas and has to be from the parent. As if the parent can’t bear to miss out on any gratitude and thanks and admiration coming their way.

I think the notion is that if father Christmas is seen to bring super expensive presents ( games consoles etc) then poorer kids will think that father Christmas favours the rich kids. That's why I make santa bring the smaller more affordable stuff and bigger pricier gifts are from family.

@ladygindiva

I think the notion is that if father Christmas is seen to bring super expensive presents ( games consoles etc) then poorer kids will think that father Christmas favours the rich kids. That's why I make santa bring the smaller more affordable stuff and bigger pricier gifts are from family.

That’s interesting and makes sense.