AIBU next Christmas

[time2tork]

So, we have NO kids this Christmas as they are all with the other parents.

I have 2 girls 7&9, DP has 13&14 year old boy and girl.

I have our baby on the way.

Next year I want to go to Centre Parcs for Christmas. My reasons for going at Christmas is because I love the build up, I think the children do too.

I cannot endure Centre Parcs any other time of year because we live in a forest, by a beach and have many pools and splash parks available so as above the only reason for Christmas is because it's like living in a magical Christmas land - something I have done with my children before we got together.

However DP is saying no because his ex wife never lets us have his kids on Christmas.

If we carry on like this, my two children and our shared child will never be able to do anything because of my DP ex wife not letting us have the children.

They will soon be old enough to make up their own minds anyway. But it's still annoying. I vision me and my 2 girls plus our baby will be 9 months having a nice Christmas in a lodge - but DP is against it because his children will miss out. Whereas, it's not mine or my 3 other childrens fault his ex wife won't let his kids come!

How petty am I being for being upset.

[quote time2tork]@Starseeking

There was NO reason.
It would have been a nice opportunity for us all to finally get a family picture and socialise as the blended family we are.

I didn't encourage he get them if he didn't want too - I never really brought it up.

But to be honest, now I look back - I imagine his ex wife would have kicked up a fuss anyway and wouldn't have wanted her children doing a "family event" if she wasn't included with them.

It's all so petty.

My DP and his ex wife are 20 years older than me and my ex husband and being younger we are so much more chilled and less petty... [/quote]

I wonder if this action on your DP's part was down to jealousy because it was an invitation from your side of the family, and nothing to do with the DSC?

My EXDP was incredibly jealous of the relationship our DC have with my side of the family, DS and my dad in particular. They go on days out together, and have a great relationship, and my EXDP resented that his DS didn't have the same either with my family, his own or his DM's, despite them living together.

For context my family saw my DC almost every day, they saw DSS probably 3 times a year at most, so it was a completely different dynamic. My EXDP banned his DS from going to my relative's house on account of one (justifiable and mild) telling off years ago, however with hindsight I realised his jealousy was so strong he couldn't stand to bring his DS around my family.

@time2tork

Wow! Latest development.. DSD has texted to say not to pick her up on the day we are having OUR Christmas Day with ALL the children which is on 27th this year.

Because she wants to be with her friends so instead she gets collected on 28th.

Well, no I'm not telling my younger kids to wait a day before opening their presents or eating their fave Christmas foods.

DP has said nothing but agreed to let his daughter miss out on what will be OUR family Christmas Day. Which his Son will also miss out on as he's not doing the 6 hour round trip on a Monday and then a Tuesday.

Ok, so when they decide they want to miss out it's all ok - but if I go ahead and plan something when they aren't here then I'm leaving them out

This time of year brings out everything doesn't it! Coupled with my pregnancy hormones.

This is why you can't let other people's actions dictate your own, or you'll be tying yourself in knots each time they decide something changes on a whim!

Make your own plans, let others know what's happening, and if they want to join fine, then follow through.

@Santahatesbraisedcabbage

So his dc are with their dm this year then surely with df next year?

His ex wife doesn't let him have his children at Christmas

I think if you had said Disney land instead of center parks, you might have got different answers in some posts

@Starseeking

There's nothing to be jealous of really.

My family are 4 hours away and never make an effort to come see me and I never go there as it's a long old trip to do over weekends when that's the only time my kids are off school..

My and my two daughters prior to DP have always been a very close, strong family unit. I've bent over backwards to be a Mum, Auntie, Grandparent, Father to my kids in absence of everyone else!

My step kids have grandparents, aunties and uncles that all treat them at Christmas..

My DP ex wife also spend Christmas & New Year with my DP family - (we never get an invite even though it's DP family). You know, if anyone is being left out, it's us!

Feel sorry for my new baby but it will always be close with me and my current daughters. Xxx

@Gimlisaxe Yes, I know right!!! My step children have recently been to Disney Land Florida with their other family whereas my children have never been and we could probably NEVER afford it....!!!!!

It's centre Parcs FFS!

It might be the way to phrase it to your DP, would he really want to miss out on your (joint) DC going to disney land, or would he honestly suggest you and your 3 going to Disneyland and then him and his going the next week.

Change the thought process from centre parcs which is probably more expensive than Disneyland Paris once you have added everything in

@Gimlisaxe

It might be the way to phrase it to your DP, would he really want to miss out on your (joint) DC going to disney land, or would he honestly suggest you and your 3 going to Disneyland and then him and his going the next week.

Change the thought process from centre parcs which is probably more expensive than Disneyland Paris once you have added everything in

Thing is it sounds like he probably would suggest joint dc misses out if they can't all go.

I've told him he and his children are welcome to come along on any trips that I plan - if he can sort out having his kids, but if it involves booking and he can't sort logistics with his ex wife in advance then that's on him -

the children who live with me, I can plan stuff with as I am the Mum of those children and I am involved in the decisions on where and when they will be available for future plans to be made..

Something that I cannot control or have any input in is my step kids mum - who wouldn't let them have one day off school so our wedding could be on a week day which is cheaper than school holidays or weekends.

Which isn't unreasonable, I let my own children have a day off for their dads wedding to their now step Mum.

Which is why he's still DP not DH because I'm fed up with the stress of trying to plan anything that's supposed to be " nice" for us

Problem solved