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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

A Covid one

78 replies

FrankenWeen · 12/12/2021 22:21

DSD 12 has Covid. She tested positive at her mother's house and has stayed there since, she's on day 5 isolation. DSD's mother tested positive the day after DSD.

DSD's Mum is asking for us to have DSD here as she is too tired to care for her. DSD has been face-timing DH and other than a cough and sore throat is okay in herself.

We have young DC here who so far are negative. We have to go to work and they nursery, we can't afford for us now to all come down with Covid and them be unable to go to nursery / me unable to go to work (DSD's Mum doesn't work at the moment).

According to DSD Mum she is just too tired. What do we do? DSD is not hard work to look after, she can do a lot of things for herself and fortunately is not that unwell with Covid so far. I've suggested to DH that we send some money for takeouts and things to save DSD or her Mum from cooking and things like that but that she shouldn't come here if it can be helped as our DC are so little and want to keep them well.

OP posts:

KylieKoKo · 12/12/2021 22:34

I think that this is a tricky one. If her dm us genuinely too ill too look after her i think her dad has a duty to step in but on the other hand, she's 12 not 2 and I can see that spreading covid between both homes isn't a good idea.

Could he go and stay there to look after her? It's not ideal but would at least mean that you and your daughter aren't exposed to it.

I think the sending money for takeaways is a good idea. Maybe your dh could make up things like cottage pie and lasagna than your dsd can put in the oven herself.

lunar1 · 12/12/2021 22:43

She needs to stay where she is unless her mum becomes seriously ill. But her dad needs to do his bit with some running around. Easy food she can microwave, dropping off a McDonald's etc.

It won't help anyone to infect a second household.

User310 · 12/12/2021 22:48

I think she should stay where she is. Get your husband to do some shopping and what not and drop it off. It’s unfair to ask that if you unless she is seriously unwell.

negomi90 · 12/12/2021 22:51

If her mum can't look after her, then her dad needs to.
If that's her coming to you and staying in her room with no things dropped off by the door (fortunately she's 12 and old enough for that), if that's him going to hers or taking the two of them somewhere, then fine. But if mum is too sick to look after her, dad has to step in.
If bringing food and goods over, will be enough to keep her safe then its worth a try, but if mum gets sicker then you'll have to be continuously re-evaluating and she may still need to be looked after by dad.

Just10moreminutesplease · 12/12/2021 22:51

If her mum is too ill to look after her then her father steps in, surely?

That is unless anyone in your household is particularly vulnerable?

sassbott · 12/12/2021 22:51

How unwell is the mother?

A friend of mine (single mum) started getting breathing difficulties about a week into covid. Ambulance called and blue lighted into A&E. Her kids were there and saw it all. They were petrified she was going to die.

If I was unwell I wouldn’t want my child at home witnessing it.
If however it’s relatively mild and she just needs rest, the 12 year old should be ok.

I had covid and my kids caught it too. They stayed with me for the duration of our isolation periods. But had I taken a turn for the worse, I would have told my ex to collect them.

AnneLovesGilbert · 12/12/2021 22:53

She’s tired? Most parents are tired most of the time. If that’s her only reason she’s taking the piss.

You have other children to consider and it helps no one putting you and them at risk.

I’m sure she can pay for her own takeaways if she needs them or do an online food order for ready meals.

One 12 year old and being a bit tired don’t warrant major sympathy.

AnneLovesGilbert · 12/12/2021 22:54

If her mum is too ill to look after her then her father steps in, surely?

She’s not. She’s tired.

Sowhatifiam · 13/12/2021 00:08

She’s tired? Most parents are tired most of the time. If that’s her only reason she’s taking the piss

Have you tried covid tired? I slept - properly slept - for 19 out of 24 hours for about 4 days when I had covid. Took me best part of 3 weeks to shake it and I believe I had it mildly. Fortunately, my children are old enough to put a frozen pizza in the oven and check on me every few hours so it was fine, but I can totally understand why you might just want your children out of the way. Maybe think a bit before assuming tired = lazy, eh?

Magda72 · 13/12/2021 00:26

if that's him going to hers or taking the two of them somewhere, then fine.
Go where? And infect other people also?
Ffs I'm a divorced mum & I've had rotten doses where I've had to just pull myself together & get on with looking after my dc even though I felt wretched, as exh wasn't always around to take them. It's part of parenthood.
Covid is rotten but unless the dm needs hospitalisation then it's a bad flu & she needs to manage it. Sdc can watch movies & they can order take out for a few days.
Having infectious sdc move between houses is grossly irresponsible as even if you, dh or dc don't come down with it you could be asymptomatic carriers & infect other people you may be in contact with.

TisTheSeasonToBeVegan · 13/12/2021 00:41

For me, it would depend on what the 12 year old wanted to do. What does she want to do OP?

CheesyFootballsAreEvil · 13/12/2021 06:33

What is it that the 12 year old needs that mum is too tired to do? If it's washing can dad go and pick it up from the doorstep? Cooking? Provide lots of meals that can just be microwaved or cooked on the hob? Maybe offer to make enough for mum to have a portion too. I really wouldn't risk having 12 year old staying with you unless mum is so ill she gets hospitalised.

CheesyFootballsAreEvil · 13/12/2021 06:35

Mum is safer having someone else there (I assume no one else is there or the 12 year old wouldn't be fending for herself). In case the oxygen drops on the night and she can't call an ambulance by herself.

Starseeking · 13/12/2021 06:44

I'd say DSD has to stay where she is. No point exposing your household to it unnecessarily, unless you absolutely have to as it would be worse if you all got it.

DSD is 12, not 2, and additional needs excepted, should be able to do a reasonable amount of simple things herself, given she is most likely at secondary school.

If I were your DH iI'd offer to send round food, takeaway is a good idea, and any other support they need whilst isolating.

Say you'll re-evaluate as she recovers, as if the DM ended up in hospital, DSD would have to stay with you.

candlelightsatdawn · 13/12/2021 09:58

It's called isolation for a reason. My DD3 got Covid and so did I. I was bone shatteringly ill but I got on with it because I wouldn't want to infect other people. Since DH had come home (travels away) after my DD was dropped off by my ex (with him texting me shortly after oh btw I'm positive best test DD 🤨) I sent DH to isolate at his house so contact wouldn't be interrupted with his DD (my SD) as I didn't want either of them getting it.

Just because it's a step child doesn't mean the rules don't apply. You have to be responsible for all the people in the families health.

If it's really urgent then DH can go stay with mum, but I'm guessing she wouldn't want that just wants DD from under feet. Frankly at that age most can fend for self.

Drop off food, laundry medicine ect but no not bringing Covid to another house because it's more convenient.

candlelightsatdawn · 13/12/2021 09:59

Hadnt**

time2tork · 13/12/2021 10:01

I know it must be really hard for the Mum, I've just gotten over Covid with kids in the house - the vaccinations didn't work here and it spread quick.

I wouldn't risk getting sick over Christmas if you have another child to care for

Wait until your DSD is not contagious, although it doesn't stop you picking it up elsewhere.

ToughTittyWhompus · 13/12/2021 10:03

When I had covid, I had severe exhaustion. ExDP had it at the same time and was only mildly affected. I asked him to take our DDs, he refused.

I ended up blue lighted into hospital a week later too, which traumatised my DDs. And of course he still didn’t step up, my friends did.

TabithaTiger · 13/12/2021 10:06

I really feel for the Mum as it's horrible being unwell when you're a single parent. However DSD is 12 so old enough to do most things for herself, she shouldn't need too much looking after. If she was little then I think your DH would have no choice but to take her, but it doesn't make sense to put a whole household at risk in this instance.

JustWonderingIfYou · 13/12/2021 10:11

A 12 year old doesn't really need "looking after"! In fact I'd be expecting her to be looking after her sick mum.

Outrageous to say too tired to look after a 12 year old. I'd drop off soke shopping, easy to cook things and a few meals- homemade things to pop in the oven for both of them but the idea a 12 year old needs her laundry picking up is ridiculous.

This sounds like a good time for her to gain some independence.

aSofaNearYou · 13/12/2021 10:40

I agree with the general consensus that unless she is worryingly ill then DSD should stay where she is. 12 year old's don't need much looking after, DH could drop off shopping and takeaways.

There's no sense her moving houses, unless hospitalization is around the corner

SpongebobNoPants · 13/12/2021 11:50

We had covid and my 7 year old was perfectly capable of looking after himself, let alone a bloody 12 year old!
At 12 she should be able to cook at least basic things surely? Pasta, baked potato, boiled eggs etc
And know how to use a washing machine?
Don’t all secondary aged kids know how to do these things?

CornishGem1975 · 13/12/2021 11:59

My DSC were at their mothers when they tested positive so they remained there until they were out of isolation. Why risk my own DC catching it at that time!

SpaceshiptoMars · 13/12/2021 12:16

At 12 she should be able to cook at least basic things surely? Pasta, baked potato, boiled eggs etc

Oh dear, not me I was very good at washing up, hoovering, garden tasks etc, but was probably the only girl in my class not cooking the Sunday lunch at that age. She could be shown how to do any of that via videochats though.

hemhem · 13/12/2021 12:22

I thought you had to isolate for 10 days regardless, so she can't come to you anyway? Unless she's in danger?

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