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Step-parenting

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Original poster

A Covid one

78 replies

FrankenWeen · 12/12/2021 22:21

DSD 12 has Covid. She tested positive at her mother's house and has stayed there since, she's on day 5 isolation. DSD's mother tested positive the day after DSD.

DSD's Mum is asking for us to have DSD here as she is too tired to care for her. DSD has been face-timing DH and other than a cough and sore throat is okay in herself.

We have young DC here who so far are negative. We have to go to work and they nursery, we can't afford for us now to all come down with Covid and them be unable to go to nursery / me unable to go to work (DSD's Mum doesn't work at the moment).

According to DSD Mum she is just too tired. What do we do? DSD is not hard work to look after, she can do a lot of things for herself and fortunately is not that unwell with Covid so far. I've suggested to DH that we send some money for takeouts and things to save DSD or her Mum from cooking and things like that but that she shouldn't come here if it can be helped as our DC are so little and want to keep them well.

OP posts:
SpongebobNoPants · 13/12/2021 12:25

@SpaceshiptoMars Grin I’m sure you could’ve made a sandwich or a quick oven dinner from the freezer.
I was a single mum for years so my kids had to be quite independent early on because I needed the help at times. Good life skills to have I think.

Also OP, unless mum ends up in hospital then SD should stay at that house for her isolation period

rookiemere · 13/12/2021 12:38

I do think DSD should stay at her DMs if at all possible to avoid infecting another household. However some people are being very unsympathetic to her DM who sounds like she's struggling.

There's lots of coulda, shoulda, oughto around what the 12 year old may or may not be capable of, but at this point the DF needs to be organising food or takeaway deliveries and trying to assist remotely in any way he can, and DSD should come to your house as soon as the 10 days is up.

MorningNinja · 13/12/2021 12:47

I'd be refusing - she is 12!

She will be fine.

NorthSouthcatlady · 13/12/2021 12:49

I’m tired but l still need to do stuff. As others have said your DSD is 12, she shouldn’t be being waited on hand and foot anyway

CornishGem1975 · 13/12/2021 12:52

@hemhem

I thought you had to isolate for 10 days regardless, so she can't come to you anyway? Unless she's in danger?
I think the normal rules don't apply when you've got a split household.
LittleMysSister · 13/12/2021 12:55

No way, she is 12, not 5.

Your DP can drop some easy oven/microwave food to their doorstep and she can sort herself out for a few more days.

I understand mum would rather not have to worry about her since she's ill, but it's really not fair or responsible to send her to another household when she has covid.

RachelTheRedNosedReindeer · 13/12/2021 12:55

If she was little, I'd say her dad should take her tbh. But since she's 12 and pretty well, I think she should stay where she is.

Agree with the pp who said her dad could drop off easy food etc to help out without actually having dsd at your house. Also, when she's better you could have her over a bit more to make up for the lost time maybe.

LittleMysSister · 13/12/2021 12:58

@hemhem

I thought you had to isolate for 10 days regardless, so she can't come to you anyway? Unless she's in danger?
I think that's the point isn't it? Mum is wanting to break the isolation to send her because she feels rough herself and could do without having a kid around while she recovers. Which I get, but it's totally not on when SD actually has covid herself to send her to potentially infect another household.
sunshinelover69 · 13/12/2021 13:00

I'm in the camp that it's really not wise to infect another household. I get that the mum probably needs a break but there are other ways your partner can help like others have said I would not willingly bring someone into my house who was infected with covid - stepchild or not.

Auntycorruption · 13/12/2021 13:19

She should stay at her mums while she's infectious. Plan to come to yours for a week day 11-18 ish. Then her mum gets chance to rest and recover but doesn't put anyone else at risk.

How many days are left? Can DH speak to daughter and help her with what she's struggling with. FaceTime the washer to tell her how to use it. Deliver food and hot meals everyday. I think you should absolutely step up to help them but not in a way that puts the rest of you at risk and potential leaves the mum on her own with no help herself. Frequent video calls, online games with her etc

dumdedumpop · 13/12/2021 13:21

Unless the DM is physically really unwell then DSD should stay where she is. Your DH needs to offer as much arms length practical help as possible, so takeaways, batch cooked meals, laundry. But I makes no sense to infect another household.

ToughTittyWhompus · 13/12/2021 14:02

With my DDs (12 and 10), I had friends dropping off meals for them to microwave.

I wasn’t worryingly ill until I was, and even then, I refused medical help twice because I knew that ExDP wouldn’t step in and have DC.

Third time I didn’t have much choice as my friends were aware by then and came speeding over to take DC.

The state of my house after 6 weeks of being barely able to make it from my bed to the bathroom was the stuff of nightmares.

RachelTheRedNosedReindeer · 13/12/2021 14:04

@ToughTittyWhompus

With my DDs (12 and 10), I had friends dropping off meals for them to microwave.

I wasn’t worryingly ill until I was, and even then, I refused medical help twice because I knew that ExDP wouldn’t step in and have DC.

Third time I didn’t have much choice as my friends were aware by then and came speeding over to take DC.

The state of my house after 6 weeks of being barely able to make it from my bed to the bathroom was the stuff of nightmares.

He didn't take them for 6 weeks?! That is ridiculous Shock. The utter twat.

I think op just doesn't want to take the dsd until after her isolation period is finished.

ToughTittyWhompus · 13/12/2021 14:08

@RachelTheRedNosedReindeer he was too busy living at his Mums being “looked after” despite being perfectly well the entire time, according to his brother HmmAngry

So just keep an eye on how the ex is - I’m still not over what happened to me and the affect it’s had on my DC.

RachelTheRedNosedReindeer · 13/12/2021 14:10

I'm furious for you titty. The utter wanker Angry

ToughTittyWhompus · 13/12/2021 14:13

He doesn’t have a DP or DSC either, so no concerns on that front.

I haven’t been a SM for a few years now but I still visit the board on occasion.

He’s a dick.

MollysDolly · 13/12/2021 14:21

No, DSD doesn't come and infect your house. Then you can all be as covid tired as the mother plus you've now got all three children to look after, and she has just herself? Whatever is the point in that? It sucks she's got covid. The answer isn't, so now you can all have it and all the children are at risk.

DSD is 12, and not a little child that needs bathing, nappies etc. She's able to dress, and feed herself. So, what you need to establish, is what is the mother unable to do, that DSD requires, and address as much as that from your household. Can she put DSD laundry in bags on the doorstep for you to pick up and return? Can she not afford takeaway but she's too tired/covid symptoms to prepare food... Can you send takeaway?

funinthesun19 · 13/12/2021 14:23

I looked after 4 young children alone while having covid myself at the same time as my children. I had really bad sinusitis and really suffered. I was in agony. We ended up isolating for nearly 3 weeks in total.

There is no way I would have sent any of them off to their father’s, especially if he had young children living with him. It’s selfish to pass it on when it can be avoided. Unless mum is on the brink of having to go in to hospital then I think she should suck it up rather than put your children at risk.

BluebirdHill · 13/12/2021 14:26

@Starseeking

I'd say DSD has to stay where she is. No point exposing your household to it unnecessarily, unless you absolutely have to as it would be worse if you all got it.

DSD is 12, not 2, and additional needs excepted, should be able to do a reasonable amount of simple things herself, given she is most likely at secondary school.

If I were your DH iI'd offer to send round food, takeaway is a good idea, and any other support they need whilst isolating.

Say you'll re-evaluate as she recovers, as if the DM ended up in hospital, DSD would have to stay with you.

This. She's 12 and can look after herself enough at that age but crucially is there in case her mum does get worse.
Dontforgetyourbrolly · 13/12/2021 14:31

12 year old should be pretty self sufficient , her dad could be offering his help and support if mum gets progressively worse though. In the mean time he could ask his daughter and ex if they need any shopping dropped round . If funds allow maybe a little something to make life easier in isolation - Disney Plus / Netflix subscription maybe ?

gogohm · 13/12/2021 14:34

She's 12. I would offer to drop off ready meals, soup, treats etc that your dsd can easily cook without stressing her mum out using every pan (I could cook properly at that age and taught my DD's too but I know many can't)

bjjgirl · 13/12/2021 14:37

It's a tricky one -
I say this as a parent to a very independent 12 year old. If she is happy to do so, let her stay home and send round things to make it easier/ keep her busy. Send shopping, pamper packs etc.

However if she is finding it really scarey and upsetting your dp needs to step up and either allow her to come to yours or go there / visit daily and spend time outside the window if need be.

BeyondOurReef · 13/12/2021 15:32

Legally they are supposed to stay in one house if they have covid and are isolating.

The moving between houses thing is for people who are not isolating.

Having to look after your kids when you are ill is just part of parenting. Sucks for the SD’s mum but that’s how it is. (I’ve done it many times myself as a single mum).

This would be a no fucking way from me.

mugoftea456 · 13/12/2021 15:34

I would say she stays where she is. But dad needs to step up. Food delivery's, toys/activities for daughter etc.

liveforsummer · 13/12/2021 18:00

She needs to stay where she is. Dd is 12 - just, her birthday was last week. We are all isolating and I'm not even positive, just both my DD's but she's bored so is enjoying cooking the meals. I can't imagine how much 'looking after' a 12 year old needs. Even my 8 year old is pretty self sufficient and makes beans on toast. She could certainly get by if I was very unwell. Makes absolutely nonsense to send someone covid positive to another household

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