Page 3 | A Covid one

FrankenWeen · 2021-12-12T22:21:28+00:00

DSD 12 has Covid. She tested positive at her mother's house and has stayed there since, she's on day 5 isolation. DSD's mother tested positive the day after DSD. DSD's Mum is asking for us to have DSD here as she is too tired to care for her. DSD has been face-timing DH and other than a cough and sore throat is okay in herself. We have young DC here who so far are negative. We have to go to work and they nursery, we can't afford for us now to all come down with Covid and them be unable to go to nursery / me unable to go to work (DSD's Mum doesn't work at the moment). According to DSD Mum she is just too tired. What do we do? DSD is not hard work to look after, she can do a lot of things for herself and fortunately is not that unwell with Covid so far. I've suggested to DH that we send some money for takeouts and things to save DSD or her Mum from cooking and things like that but that she shouldn't come here if it can be helped as our DC are so little and want to keep them well.

BeyondOurReef · 13/12/2021 18:48

@liveforsummer

She needs to stay where she is. Dd is 12 - just, her birthday was last week. We are all isolating and I'm not even positive, just both my DD's but she's bored so is enjoying cooking the meals. I can't imagine how much 'looking after' a 12 year old needs. Even my 8 year old is pretty self sufficient and makes beans on toast. She could certainly get by if I was very unwell. Makes absolutely nonsense to send someone covid positive to another household

This is a good point. I’ve got a 12 year old. He’s perfectly capable of feeding himself if I need him to. And making something for me too.

It’s really not like trying to look after a toddler.

BeyondOurReef · 13/12/2021 18:49

@mugoftea456

I would say she stays where she is. But dad needs to step up. Food delivery's, toys/activities for daughter etc.

How much entertaining and toys do people imagine 12 year olds require?

Mine would happily entertain himself - playing Minecraft with his friends (online) or watching crap on YouTube, and so on.

Tigertealeaves · 13/12/2021 20:04

One of DP's kids had covid recently and we were told by Track and Trace that they had to stay in a single household, and that if they didn't, parents could be fined. This rule does apply even to separated families once a positive PCR has happened.

TisTheSeasonToBeVegan · 13/12/2021 20:46

One of DP's kids had covid recently and we were told by Track and Trace that they had to stay in a single household, and that if they didn't, parents could be fined. This rule does apply even to separated families once a positive PCR has happened.

All well and good and I would try to stick to the rules, but if I had a 12 year old child who wanted/needed me, they can fine me all they want, I’d be going to get my child.

candlelightsatdawn · 13/12/2021 21:48

@TisTheSeasonToBeVegan

One of DP's kids had covid recently and we were told by Track and Trace that they had to stay in a single household, and that if they didn't, parents could be fined. This rule does apply even to separated families once a positive PCR has happened.

All well and good and I would try to stick to the rules, but if I had a 12 year old child who wanted/needed me, they can fine me all they want, I’d be going to get my child.

This is probably how most people would feel about their children, however it's not the DC asking, it's the mum.

As a mum I wouldn't be asking my ex to come and put others health's at risk. Also much as the current government is a joke these rules weren't made up for no reason and we have social responsibility to try and stop the spread of this virus, not just to our children but to the vulnerable.

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 13/12/2021 22:06

Surely keeping dc apart if at all possible is logical?
A 12 year old can muddle through imo.
Better than op managing 2 young dc with Covid...

Hollywolly1 · 13/12/2021 23:18

Remember DSD has a sore throat and a cough and while okay she probably feels a bit sickly.
I understand she needs to stay at home but the father needs to spend time doing meals etc.The child is only 12 years old and needs looking after

Interrobanger · 13/12/2021 23:27

And if your DSD gives you covid OP? Will you be able to hand your kids off to DJ and get uninterrupted rest? Or will you still be expected to do most of the childcare for your two little ones?

You can’t afford to get ill. It’s reckless to bring DSD into your house while she’s infectious.

BungleandGeorge · 13/12/2021 23:57

Sick children are much easier to handle between 2 parents. If the mum is saying she can’t look after her properly you really have no choice than her Dad to step in. Depends how bad the Mum is, 12 year olds definitely still need supervision, help with school work, appropriate food, clean clothes, just someone to interact with them! I would definitely suggest to her lightening the load with providing some of that care from a distance

gsaoej · 14/12/2021 00:00

When me and dh were fucked with covid, it was our 13yo dd who looked after us. I would have thought the 12yo DSD would be more of a help than a burden? Is there more to it?

TisTheSeasonToBeVegan · 14/12/2021 05:17

This is probably how most people would feel about their children, however it's not the DC asking, it's the mum.

Which is why I asked the OP earlier, what the 12 year old wanted to do. But OP hasn’t been back to the thread.
In this situation, it would totally depend on what my child wanted. If the mum is very tired, she could be sleeping most of the day and night and some children would struggle and feel very alone. Seeing your mum, when you’re 12, not being very with it, very sleepy would be quite hard. I’d say dad should go and stay at the house the 12 year old is currently in with her mum though if necessary, rather than risking spreading it to another household.

RedWingBoots · 14/12/2021 06:07

I like the presumption on this thread the separated parents can stay in the same household.

My DP and a few other people we know cannot stay in the same household as their ex OR drop off food due to allegations one or both made against each other. Some have been to Court others haven't.

So unless the mother is in hospital the 12 year old stays were they are.

The mother should be asking for other people to help her. I've offered to help others so I've helped out friends there as DP has helped out neighbours.

TisTheSeasonToBeVegan · 14/12/2021 06:20

I like the presumption on this thread the separated parents can stay in the same household.

They are basing it on what they would do, obviously. OP hasn’t given any indication of any issues which would prevent it in her post and she hasn’t been back to the thread.

If the 12 year old isn’t coping, one option could be for dad to stay with her. If it’s not an option, then maybe OP could stay with family with her children so that her DH could have his daughter at his house.

The mother should be asking for other people to help her.

Others may help, but this is absolutely the responsibility of the parents to sort out.

candlelightsatdawn · 14/12/2021 06:52

But OP hasn’t been back to the thread.

And I cannot blame her tbh.... she's gotten quite a kicking...12 years old should be able to muddle through and unless your child is non neotypical, you shouldn't need to look after them. If your does your gonna have a upward battle in the teenage years ?

Also maybe I have missed it but why we all thinking mums on her own who knows maybe she has a partner who lives there

RachelTheRedNosedReindeer · 14/12/2021 06:54

@candlelightsatdawn

But OP hasn’t been back to the thread.

And I cannot blame her tbh.... she's gotten quite a kicking...12 years old should be able to muddle through and unless your child is non neotypical, you shouldn't need to look after them. If your does your gonna have a upward battle in the teenage years ?

Also maybe I have missed it but why we all thinking mums on her own who knows maybe she has a partner who lives there

Had she got a kicking though? I agree with her, but I don't think she is being victimised here.

candlelightsatdawn · 14/12/2021 07:03

@RachelTheRedNosedReindeer actually your quite right I thought this was another thread on this board where Covid has been mentioned and got them confused 😩

Withdrawing previous comment on the kicking - i blame sleep deprivation

TisTheSeasonToBeVegan · 14/12/2021 07:22

12 years old should be able to muddle through and unless your child is non neotypical, you shouldn't need to look after them. If your does your gonna have a upward battle in the teenage years ?

When my kids were 12, they would probably have been fine. It would depend on how much mum is sleeping with the tiredness though. If she’s sleeping 20+ hours, then being alone in a house as a 12 year old for over a week, could be quite hard. If mum is up and about most of the day, interacting with her child, but feeling tired, that’s very different.

Both my children would have been capable of making basic food but whilst one of them would have probably loved it and gamed all day and ordered way too much McDonald’s, the other is more anxious and may have struggled without much company.

liveforsummer · 14/12/2021 08:29

@TisTheSeasonToBeVegan

12 years old should be able to muddle through and unless your child is non neotypical, you shouldn't need to look after them. If your does your gonna have a upward battle in the teenage years ?

When my kids were 12, they would probably have been fine. It would depend on how much mum is sleeping with the tiredness though. If she’s sleeping 20+ hours, then being alone in a house as a 12 year old for over a week, could be quite hard. If mum is up and about most of the day, interacting with her child, but feeling tired, that’s very different.

Both my children would have been capable of making basic food but whilst one of them would have probably loved it and gamed all day and ordered way too much McDonald’s, the other is more anxious and may have struggled without much company.

My 2 are the same - although the younger one (who is a lot younger than 12) isn't anxious, just a bit of a mummies girl. When I've been unwell in bed the eldest - just turned 12 now but I've been a single parent for a long time so this has occurred when she's been much younger - would absolutely love the tv to herself. She loves preparing food too. My youngest, who is 8 now would just bring her tablet and get in bed with me when she was feeling lonely. She's more than capable of making decent cold food plus using the microwave, toaster and toast is maker too. The last thing she'd want is sent to her dads for extra time especially if feeling a bit poorly herself. Tbh I think if I was that unwell they'd be even less likely to want to go as they'd be worried about me too

TisTheSeasonToBeVegan · 14/12/2021 08:42

liveforsummer

Which is why the important thing here is what the child wants to do. If she’s happy staying with mum, then mum needs to deal with that. If the child wants to be with dad, they need to find a way to do that that doesn’t put OP and her children at risk. Dad staying at mums house or OP moving out with her children so his daughter can move in with him. It’s not ideal but it is the fathers responsibility to sort it, IF the child isn’t coping. As the OP hasn’t come back, we may never know anyway. Hopefully mum and daughter are feeling much better now and all is ok.

liveforsummer · 14/12/2021 08:46

I think there's very few women who would want an ex partner staying in their house at any time let alone when feeling vulnerable/unwell. Dad would probably end up catching it and passing it on to the rest of the family anyway. She really does just need to isolate at the address she's currently at just like many other 12 year olds before her have had to in this situation over the last 2 years. Out if some of the situations I've read on here like when 7 year olds have been confined to bedrooms and treated like lepers this is one of the better ones tbh

aSofaNearYou · 14/12/2021 08:46

If the 12 year old isn’t coping, one option could be for dad to stay with her. If it’s not an option, then maybe OP could stay with family with her children so that her DH could have his daughter at his house.

This kind of thing may or may not be possible, though. DH has two children with OP, they both work and the children go to nursery. We don't know how they organise this - it's possible that involvement from DH is essential in getting the two kids to nursery. It's also of course possible that OP doesn't have family that can help.

Logistically, with two other kids to consider, it just may not be possible for him to isolate with one child unless circumstances are really dire and the DSD can't get by, bored/anxious or not.

TisTheSeasonToBeVegan · 14/12/2021 08:50

It’s ridiculous to keep debating it when OP hasn’t come back.

Personally, if I had a child that was unhappy or anxious in the situation, I would sort it somehow. If others wouldn’t, that’s their choice.

Tattler2 · 14/12/2021 13:14

@TisTheSeasonToBeVegan
i agree with you on all counts. It is also possible to confirm with your pediatrician or family physician exactly what is medically recommended in your particular circumstances. Certainly, there are probably some work- arounds that could be put in place if necessary

SpaceshiptoMars · 14/12/2021 13:22

It is also possible to confirm with your pediatrician or family physician exactly what is medically recommended in your particular circumstances.

Weeping/hollow laughter. Sorry @Tattler2. Time with a GP for this kind of chat is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow here!

BeyondOurReef · 14/12/2021 13:25

[quote Tattler2]@TisTheSeasonToBeVegan
i agree with you on all counts. It is also possible to confirm with your pediatrician or family physician exactly what is medically recommended in your particular circumstances. Certainly, there are probably some work- arounds that could be put in place if necessary[/quote]
The medical recommendation from the Il government (and the NHS) is that people with covid should self isolate and not move between houses. There’s no need to call a GP about this. It’s extremely well publicised.

It’s not even a recommendation. It’s the bloody law.