Son caught Corona, is my partner being fair ?

[AlohaMora123]

Hi,

Son went to his dads on the weekend, his dad tested positive on Monday, son tested positive this evening so we’ve had him do a PCR which should come back soon.

My other half just told me he is really pissed off because my son didn’t do a few things when we got back home like wash his hands before dinner, but my son spent the evening by himself in his room and went to bed. OH suggested my son goes back to his dads.

All night he’s been saying “don touch this, don’t do that” which I get it, my OH doesn’t want to catch it. I feel like he’s being harsh.

He’s 8 after all, yes he’s got corona but not once has he asked him if he’s ok, he’s just told him not to do literally anything at all… Should he have reason to be pissed of or am I in the wrong telling him to cut my son some slack ? After all we’ve all been together the last 4 days chances are if he’s got it we will get it.

Thoughts ?

What's the point in sending him back to his dads now! He sounds Awful, if he's like this now wait until your sons a teen

That really is not fair on your DS. He is only 8. I think you should ask yourself would your DP be behaving this way if it was his child.

I would not be not be sending my 8 year old child away, because my partner told me to. I would be taking care of him. If it has been 4 days, you probably have caught it by now anyway.

I too would not send my sick child way.However, I would care not only about the well being of the sick child but also about the well being of everyone else in the household.

If your partner were living with roommates with a sick child, he would expect them to be mindful of the health and safety of others in the household.

If the OP's partner pays his share of the rent or mortgage, I don't think that it would be reasonable to ask him to leave his house. It should not be very difficult to ensure that at least a minimal effort of basic hygiene is observed. That said, an 8 year old feeling under the weather may need constant reminder. Reminders are not a form of bullying they are simply a way of helping a young child to remember to do something.

Maybe if you do some of the reminding that might help? I expect your partner us just scared of catching it but yes he is acting unreasonably in my opinion. If your son had tested positive at his dad's then he should have stayed there but that wasn't the case.

I know some people don't think that Covid that bad and it's essentially a cold (which it is for kids) but speaking as someone who's relatively healthy and not old, I got it bad and I caught it from my step daughter after mum sent hers to ours and told us after she was positive.

I was in hospital actually. I think it's actually rather unkind to your partner to dismiss his fears on this. Everyone gets to set their own risk factors, your acting like he's over reacting.If you caught it and were really sick you might have a different risk Torrance.

Pfft I would want DS to be washing hands regardless like I would expect every adult to do, even my toddler can.

However I do accept that may not stop him catching it from Ds. I imagine he's annoyed he's been our at risk ans your causal attitude towards it tbh.

@candlelightsatdawn

I know some people don't think that Covid that bad and it's essentially a cold (which it is for kids) but speaking as someone who's relatively healthy and not old, I got it bad and I caught it from my step daughter after mum sent hers to ours and told us after she was positive.

I was in hospital actually. I think it's actually rather unkind to your partner to dismiss his fears on this. Everyone gets to set their own risk factors, your acting like he's over reacting.If you caught it and were really sick you might have a different risk Torrance.

Pfft I would want DS to be washing hands regardless like I would expect every adult to do, even my toddler can.

However I do accept that may not stop him catching it from Ds. I imagine he's annoyed he's been our at risk ans your causal attitude towards it tbh.

If like to add no fears were dismissed here, I wanted another opinion and I was asking if I was in the wrong if you re-read the OP.

I hope you’re fully recovered now and feeling better.

Hmm I see both sides tbh. Ultimately your partner may as well chill out as it's too late for washing his hands to make a difference, but I think I would feel the same if I were him. I'm more careful than any of my DPs family when it comes to germs which leads to a lot of stressful situations for me with DSS. I have to admit it does really annoy me when he's sent over with something and nobody apart from me cares about him practicing any caution when he's here.

Your DP is stressed out that Covid has been brought into the house. I think he should cut your DS some slack, and you should cut HIM some slack.

Partner is clearly revealing his priorities.

Partner only noticed because the soap bottle was still in the same position he told me.

Your partner monitors the position of the soap bottle and can tell if it’s been moved? Is it just me who wouldn’t ever notice this?

Your son is 8. I’d be telling the OH to bugger off and stay somewhere else if he’s that worried.

He noticed the soap bottle was in the same position? That’s really weird.

@SickAndTiredAgain

Partner only noticed because the soap bottle was still in the same position he told me.

Your partner monitors the position of the soap bottle and can tell if it’s been moved? Is it just me who wouldn’t ever notice this?

I think it's quite normal to notice small things when you're already annoyed about something.

I'm shocked you need to Ask for clarification on whether your partner is being unfair on your 8 year old son. Of course he is. There is no point what so ever in getting cross about that fact that he didn't wash his hands before dinner a few days ago! It's been and gone. He's 8,yes he should have washed his hands but he made a mistake. Covid travels through the air so if the household is going to catch it there is nothing you can do about it now.

The only thing I do agree with is your son going to his room for the evening. This is common sense of someone has tested positive. It doesn't feel nice for anyone concerned but at 8 as long as its explained to him properly I'm sure it wouldn't have felt like a punishment and more like it was necessary to try to keep everyone else safe. I am so sad for your son that an adult in his household is effectively trying to shame him for catching a contagious illness which is totally out of his control.

I have to admit it does really annoy me when he's sent over with something and nobody apart from me cares about him practicing any caution when he's here. I agree. We often get a DSC or two left at our door with a cough and no one seems to have thought to ask/tell the other if a covid test has been done.

As for spending time in his room in the evenings that's probably a good idea. I mean it's going to be impossible to isolate but if you make it fun for him like maybe letting him watch netflix or something and try to make the best of it rather than a punishment (as it isnt).

Oh and I might notice the soap as I often notice DSC don't wash their hands after flushing the loo as I hear loo flush then they are out the door in seconds. Once you notice a disgusting lack of basic hygiene it's hard to unnotice it. See also nose picking.

@GoldChick

Oh and I might notice the soap as I often notice DSC don't wash their hands after flushing the loo as I hear loo flush then they are out the door in seconds. Once you notice a disgusting lack of basic hygiene it's hard to unnotice it. See also nose picking.

Exactly, I wrap myself up in details like this when I feel stressed out.

He’s probably just stressed out, yes it’s relatively harmless for children but COVID has killed adults, relatively healthy adults so I can see why your DP may be worked up about it, the health and well-being of all members of the household is important not saying he handled it well ofcourse.

I’m pregnant and my DH is vulnerable, his ex sent the boys to us after they tested positive with COVID but didn’t tell us, we found out off the eldest once they were here. I thought that was really cruel and they should have stayed with her but it seems SP have no say in their own health other than being told to leave their own home, which I had to do.

@Lorw I had similar back in the early days when it was if you've got a cough stay at home. It was that point I lost all respect for her. If she was going to risk me and my unborn child I wasn't going to be doing her any favours.

Anyway, this case is a different as child only tested positive when already at Step parents house but make sure you remember your partners health is important too OP and he is more likely to be worsely affected.

@AlohaMora123 I did read your OP and what I'm saying without being blunt that I still think your being a little harsh on DH and he's probably a little stressed over having no control over potentially getting sick or being able to minimise his risk. This would make anyone edgey.

Coupled with the fact of SS is here now so if hes gonna get it he's gonna get it (which is true and a truth) also ignore the other truth, "that he didn't get to assess and chose his own risk" . I'm not blaming you at all sounds like the choice was taken away from you both but people naturally get ticked off when choices about health are taken out of their hands. He simply maybe just more worried about getting it than others.

Also when I say minimise risk, everyone is allowed to have lower or higher risk tolerance when it comes to Covid. The answers here are a prime example. Some people care, some people don't. This is a problem if one family blends with another that isn't on same page as Covid.

We are all bored of the pandemic, yes most with Covid have been fine but you can't forget we have lost people, healthy adults have died.

Covid create scarring of the lungs and other long term side effects we are just finding out now. Nearly 18months later I'm still not back to where I was pre Covid and I was v fit and active. I was lucky, some aren't so lucky. I will say also that before I got it, I thought it was a cough that only effected the sick and elderly. I'm humble enough to say that I was wrong. That same mentality of it won't effect me badly is a scary one and it's a trap.

Needless to say I hope your son feels better, thankfully it doesn't seem to effect kids the same way at the moment.

This is a problem if one family blends with another that isn't on same page as Covid. this is so true! And then it gets further complicated if the children have blended families on both sides as you effectively become one massive blended family (in our case DSC have a stepdad who's children so have a blended family on their mum's side) so you are all in fact interlinked in a sort of chain and have no control whatsoever over the other households in this chain. It's the lack of say and control over my own covid risk that put me most on edge.

As for not even asking if OP's son is OK presumably he can tell how he is feeling and also might not wanting to be making a big fuss in case it makes the son feel worse.

And yes when I got together with him I knew he had kids and that kids get ill. But I didn't take into account the deadly pandemic.

@aSofaNearYou

Hmm I see both sides tbh. Ultimately your partner may as well chill out as it's too late for washing his hands to make a difference, but I think I would feel the same if I were him. I'm more careful than any of my DPs family when it comes to germs which leads to a lot of stressful situations for me with DSS. I have to admit it does really annoy me when he's sent over with something and nobody apart from me cares about him practicing any caution when he's here.

Your DP is stressed out that Covid has been brought into the house. I think he should cut your DS some slack, and you should cut HIM some slack.

I see both sides too. Is DS actually poorly?

I have DSC, if they caught COVID and my DH (their Dad) had it too - they'd be staying here with us to protect their DM, not just from being poorly but if she caught it, it's time off work with potentially no income etc.
Similarly, if their DM had it and DSD did too; they'd be staying there for their isolation.

If he’s tested positive for COVID then he needs to be self isolating as much as possible, so as hard as it is he really does need to be in his own room.

I'd tell your other half to move out for the isolation period lol

Also the fact your partner is that anal he's checking the soap dispensers location is giving me the creeps

He's unreasonable, the little boy is 8 and your partner is going to scare him if he treats him like he's afraid of him.

If he's worried he could move out for a couple of weeks. Not in a blamey way but just because obviously taking care of your son is your priority.