Nervous about DPs ex reaction

[Skinnymuffins]

Hi all

My partner and I are expecting our first baby together. He has two children from a previous relationship, and a partner where everything is very amicable.

The two children and I get on really well, the whole process of blending has been so much easier than I ever expected. I have two children and they all get on so well. We feel very lucky not to have hit any major roadblocks yet but we're not naïve enough ti think some may come our way.

His ex is nice enough, a good mum from what I can see. They parted amicably and it continues to be that way most of the time.

Despite the children being very happy, she isn't always happy with some of the things we do or don't do on our time and she communicates this to my partner and asks us to consider how it makes her feel - Something my partner struggles with because the children are so happy therefore feels the only consideration that should be given is to the children.

We've met and in general chit chat she asked some questions about how well I know some of his friends and family. At the time I thought it was strange, I knew his family very well and his friends I was meeting that weekend. She continued to ask if his friend was bringing his partner who she knows but has no communication with, when I said yes she continued again asking if they were bringing their children. This was a bizarre line of questioning as the meeting his friends was happening on her weekend with the kids so had nothing to do with her.

Fast track to more recently and we saw each other we she asked if my partner was ok as he asked her to have the kids so he could attend a doctors appointment.

This was a scan so obviously we weren't divulging what this was about.

I very nicely said I think that's for my partner to reveal if he wants to, but it's absolutely nothing to worry about.

Her response was "oh I'll just ask him myself then"...

I'm feeling very "protective" over the new baby and her need for information about his life. This baby although will be a step sibling for his kids, is nothing to do with her directly and I don't know how to keep this a bit more for us. I'm not even sure I'm describing this correctly!

We're going to tell all the children together (as advised by people on here, so thank you) and then message while the children are here.

I'm just worried with the reaction and from my experience with her she likes to know what's going on in my partners personal life. I just feel like I want to keep as much in our bubble as possible. Maybe I'm also just ranting I don't know.

Has anyone felt like this?

I personally wouldn't over read into these things. People are nosy end of! I get the gossip about dp's ex from his dd and the gossip about my exh's gf from my dd, we are amicable, no issues but we enjoy having a bit of gossip. I have run into dp's ex at events and a few times out and about alone, we have a natter, exchanging pleasantries and info about the kids, no biggy, she's curious about me too.

I strongly suspect she is just curious and as you are expecting a baby it will change the dynamics which she will need to help manage too

@Bananarama21

Will your impeding arrival have affect on her children going from 4 dc to 5 within a blending situation will have it challenges no doubt, where will all the children sleep what about the financial implications. I think some of these feelings are normal and maybe just offer some reassurance when it comes to telling the children, so they don't go home with genuine concerns.

The ex knows how many bedrooms we have in our house so will know there's room for one more 😬

@WeepySheepy @Bananarama21 they have 5050 and go halves on school trips, school clothes etc and the latter won't be affected

That's one less thing for her to kick off over then!

I wouldn't worry about appeasing her or reassuring her too much. Your child is a positive thing, a half sibling wooop!

Thanks @WeepySheepy ☺️ definitely exciting
@gogohm I get some people like a gossip, I'm more I couldn't care less haha! As long as the kids are happy and of course we listen to when the kids say what they've been up to with mummy as that's important.

But I don't think I've asked my exs gf a single thing - i trust my ex is with someone decent and my kids are happy. All I need to know. When they had a baby I just spoke to my boy and checked he was happy, he was excited so I got excited with him to have a half brother.

And I don't think she's that interested in my personal life but more my partners. Which previous to becoming pregnant although I thought it was a bit invasive I didn't think too much of it.

Now baby will be here I feel a bit more protective of our bubble and personal info to us, my body and my baby

I agree with previous responses, cut contact with her yourself.

Nothing wrong with a bit of casual convo if you happen to meet in passing while handing the children over, but that's it. She definitely doesn't need to know the ins and outs of your life, and I agree with you that asking all those questions about his friends and family is weird and sounds like she's trying to feel out your position.

I'd expect a bit of a reaction to the pregnancy news - as some have said, I guess it's natural for her to have a few questions about how it will impact her kids, how they were when they were told etc etc. But make sure your partner doesn't let it become more than that and the whole thing end up being a battle to reassure her, even if she does become a bit more confrontational in the run-up.

@LittleMysSister oh of course if she asked him how were the kids, or how will this impact the kids or anything along those lines I'd expect nothing less than a detailed conversation about the kids and how they are. I'd never want anyone to stop communicating about the kids as it's important for them both to do that to co-parent as well as they have. It's just the stuff outside that I want to keep in my bubble. I want my mum, my friends and family to know the ins and outs about if it was planned etc not someone who is actually nothing to the baby as harsh as that sounds 😬

OP there is nothing wrong with that.

Once she shows what type of person she is going to be when your child is here then you will know how and whether to deal with her.

[quote Skinnymuffins]@LittleMysSister oh of course if she asked him how were the kids, or how will this impact the kids or anything along those lines I'd expect nothing less than a detailed conversation about the kids and how they are. I'd never want anyone to stop communicating about the kids as it's important for them both to do that to co-parent as well as they have. It's just the stuff outside that I want to keep in my bubble. I want my mum, my friends and family to know the ins and outs about if it was planned etc not someone who is actually nothing to the baby as harsh as that sounds 😬[/quote]
I agree with you completely. It really isn't her business to know the ins and outs of your pregnancy so hopefully once it's known your partner will just keep chats to the essentials and also let his family know he would appreciate them not sharing details with her.