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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

DSDs mum has done it again!!!

56 replies

Frankola · 13/09/2021 20:40

Dsd was with us yesterday and told us that at her mum has told her that at 18 her Dad must give her access to her "Government Trust Fund".

Apparently this is the account that my husband has that "the government put money into for me every month", according to his ex.

I nearly choked on my coffee. The "government" have put £500 in. My DH has put the other thousands of pounds in since DSC was born until now!

Ex is really so bitter and pathetic she has deliberately told DSC that this money is from the Government rather than her Dad.

Does anyone else's DH ex pull this shit?!

Sorry. I had to rant!

OP posts:

sassbott · 14/09/2021 10:06

@FreeBritnee, erm that’s not how it works. Honestly. Child ISA’s and CTF cannot be accessed by anyone other than the child. There are exceptions (like the child being terminally ill). But once that money is in either of those mecanisms they belong to the child.

Original poster

Frankola · 14/09/2021 10:10

To clarify for some posters. This isn't about preventing Dsd accessing HER money.

This is about ex telling her that the whole sum comes from the government and diminishing DSDS dad's contribution here.

There's thousands in the account. 500 came from the government. It has annoyed me that she hasn't bothered saving for Dsd herself so is now trying to take this contribution away from Dsds dad.

It's the silly little games you have to put up with from ex that winds me up. None of it is productive to co-parenting.

Many other posters are totally right though, we can show her proof of who put into the account if it was ever required. So easily corrected. Thanks!

OP posts:

DancesWithTortoises · 14/09/2021 11:16

@MrsSkylerWhite

DancesWithTortoises

How on earth could you possibly know what “type” the woman is?

The type to deliberately lie to a child about her other parent. That type won't hesitate to try to take advantage.

Or do people think what she said was ok?“

Or DSD misunderstood?

You have no idea about her “greedy little hands”.

Of course DSD didn't misunderstand - that's some reach. She's 17.

Her mother is a liar.

FreeBritnee · 14/09/2021 11:39

My children’s savings account are not ISAs.

FreeBritnee · 14/09/2021 11:40

@Frankola

To clarify for some posters. This isn't about preventing Dsd accessing HER money.

This is about ex telling her that the whole sum comes from the government and diminishing DSDS dad's contribution here.

There's thousands in the account. 500 came from the government. It has annoyed me that she hasn't bothered saving for Dsd herself so is now trying to take this contribution away from Dsds dad.

It's the silly little games you have to put up with from ex that winds me up. None of it is productive to co-parenting.

Many other posters are totally right though, we can show her proof of who put into the account if it was ever required. So easily corrected. Thanks!

So she has access to thousands of pounds at 18 abd what’s her lab with it?

FreeBritnee · 14/09/2021 11:40

*plans

vivainsomnia · 14/09/2021 12:23

Actually her mum hasn't lied.

Dsd was with us yesterday and told us that at her mum has told her that at 18 her Dad must give her access to her "Government Trust Fund"
This is correct and factual.

Apparently this is the account that my husband has that "the government put money into for me every month", according to his ex
This is correct and factual too.

The fact he's put money in to top it is additional information and rightly information that needs to come from him.

If anything you could turn it around and say that mum has been thoughtful not to mention it because maybe dad wanted to be the one to tell her the good news!

Willyoujustbequiet · 14/09/2021 13:06

I think you're massively overreacting. It is a government account that the government put money in. It's not a lie, she omitted any regular contributions from your DH but the rest is true

YesIDoLoveCrisps · 14/09/2021 14:04

@Willyoujustbequiet

I think you're massively overreacting. It is a government account that the government put money in. It's not a lie, she omitted any regular contributions from your DH but the rest is true

I agree. That trust fund is a government scheme.

frazzledasarock · 14/09/2021 14:58

@vivainsomnia the government has never introduced a trust fund in which the government contributes each month.

It was either a single or two payments. The rest was up to the parents.

So the second is not factually correct. There’s a maximum of £1,000 in a child trust fund sitting around unless the parents have contributed.

HugeAckmansWife · 20/09/2021 19:04

It's fairly easy to see how between the ex correctly describing it as a government account and the dd relaying that to you wires are slightly crossed. Maybe you've other cause to be pissed off with her but I think you're reaching on this one.
As an aside, it slightly pisses me off that my ex pays not a penny more than cms despite knowing it's nowhere near 50% of costs but self righteously bangs on (and has told the kids) he is putting into their CTFs so they'll have ££ at 18. He looks like a generous giver while I struggle to afford their day to day boring needs.

Rebornagain · 21/09/2021 16:29

@HugeAckmansWife - why shouldn't the father save for his child? You get the legal requirement so what's the issue?

HugeAckmansWife · 22/09/2021 09:08

That the legal requirement comes nowhere close to 50% of our children's costs. He does fuck all day to day parenting and pays about 1/3 of their costs, meanwhile dangling this idea that at 18 they can buy a car because he's such a brilliant dad. Surely you can see why that might piss me off just a bit? Or are all such issues gathered under 'bitter ex wife' and therefore not valid?

SpongebobNoPants · 22/09/2021 13:26

@HugeAckmansWife my daughter’s father has never paid a single penny for her or even bothered to meet her, but apparently has a large savings account where he deposits what he’s supposed to pay in CMS and will supposedly get in touch to hand over the money when she’s 18.

Because obviously she’ll have lived for free, eaten dust and by clothed the leprechauns up until that point

BananaPB · 22/09/2021 14:42

My dd is 18 and people at school discussed them CTF as they started reaching 18. My dd put hers in a LISA so that she can put it towards her first deposit and have the government top up money too. She's taking a gap year and the savings portion of her wages is divided into multiple pots including this LISA. It's worth having a conversation what she'd like to do with the money

Ozanj · 22/09/2021 14:58

@Frankola

To clarify for some posters. This isn't about preventing Dsd accessing HER money.

This is about ex telling her that the whole sum comes from the government and diminishing DSDS dad's contribution here.

There's thousands in the account. 500 came from the government. It has annoyed me that she hasn't bothered saving for Dsd herself so is now trying to take this contribution away from Dsds dad.

It's the silly little games you have to put up with from ex that winds me up. None of it is productive to co-parenting.

Many other posters are totally right though, we can show her proof of who put into the account if it was ever required. So easily corrected. Thanks!

I would show proof to your DSD that DH put it in and explain it is her money. Not her Dad’s, not her Mum’s, but hers. And that while she can spend it how she wishes it would make financial sense for her future to keep saving and adding to it even if it’s just a little amount each month.

YoghurtWeaver · 25/09/2021 07:48

Um, if it's the CTF that the government set up and paid into initially, then she will automatically get access at 18, without your DH needing to do anything or allow anything. It's impossible for your DH to have moved it to another account. You literally cannot do that with these trust funds.

Maybe send her this link to how the accounts work? It sounds like some wires have been crossed.

Suzyrtyyg · 25/09/2021 08:09

With both my children the company wrote to them when it was about 3 months before they were 18 told them how much they had £1200 - govt contribution and interest on it and what they wanted to do with it .

YoghurtWeaver · 25/09/2021 08:16

@Suzyrtyyg

Yes, this is a good point. The account belongs to DSD. She will be sent the written statement at 18, which will detail the contributions and show who made them!

Ambo21 · 25/09/2021 08:27

Well you can turn this 'misunderstanding' into a positive life lessons for DSD... show her all the documents and encourage her TO READ ALL THE SMALL PRINT... and understand THE FACTS... and encourage HER to make decisions which will have a positive affect on HER FUTURE... and not just blow the money on 'stuff' now... speak to her as the adult you hope she will become and not the petulant pointscoring teenager her mother is acting as...
I agree it is really sad when grown women cant let go... live their lives for themselves and give their kids a positive role model.

Shadedog · 25/09/2021 08:29

Surely a 17yo who isn’t daft enough to not misunderstand or misinterpret what her DM has said is also not daft enough to believe the government have been piling money into an account for her on a monthly basis. Does she not have friends who are turning 18? Some of them will get a few 100, some many 1000s.

ittakes2 · 25/09/2021 08:42

She will get access at 18 so this really is an opportunity to explain to her that its her dad who has been topping it up.

Wheelerdeeler · 25/09/2021 08:47

When dsd saus this did you not put her right straight away? Honestly one sentence would have cleared it up

Suzyrtyyg · 25/09/2021 09:20

As you said your husband has put it in to an account separate from ctf then surely two separate things . One ctf that she gets access to and the other her dad can say I also saved this money for you .

ProfessorPeach · 25/09/2021 20:43

My DH’s ex is the epitome of the greedy, bitter ex who cannot move on, she’d pull exactly this sort of trick. She would stop at nothing to get her hands on his money which is incredibly embarrassing!
Thankfully my husband despises her even more than I do so she has zero input into our lives despite her best attempts. Her only course of attack is via her children and this means I don’t have a relationship with them but that’s not really much of a loss.

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