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Step-parenting

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Original poster

DSDs mum has done it again!!!

56 replies

Frankola · 13/09/2021 20:40

Dsd was with us yesterday and told us that at her mum has told her that at 18 her Dad must give her access to her "Government Trust Fund".

Apparently this is the account that my husband has that "the government put money into for me every month", according to his ex.

I nearly choked on my coffee. The "government" have put £500 in. My DH has put the other thousands of pounds in since DSC was born until now!

Ex is really so bitter and pathetic she has deliberately told DSC that this money is from the Government rather than her Dad.

Does anyone else's DH ex pull this shit?!

Sorry. I had to rant!

OP posts:
NoIdeaWhatItMeans · 13/09/2021 20:53

The likelyhood is that DSD has gotten a bit muddled with her words.

Even if she hasn't, it can be explained to DSD that her dad has been putting the money in. And proven too without too much bother.

I understand the frustration if DSD's mum is notorious for behaviour that makes your lives that bit more difficult, but you're over reacting really.

Original poster
Frankola · 13/09/2021 21:15

Dsd is 17 so her words aren't muddled. And ex has form for this kind of behaviour.

You're totally right, I am overreacting Smile I'm just frustrated that she never quits this silliness and looking forward to the day we have absolutely no reason to hear her input on anything relating to our lives Grin

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 13/09/2021 21:18

You’re not over reacting at all. Her mum is a liar. How much has she told DSD is in this fund? Has he said she’ll have it once she’s 18?

Youseethethingis · 13/09/2021 21:41

Well it's bloody stupid to lie about something that's so easy to prove otherwise isn't it?
Don't stress out about Stupid. Sigh and let it wash over you.

Embracelife · 13/09/2021 21:45

It doesn't matter who put the money wy in
At 18 she gets access
End of
Does her dad won't it back or what?
That would be mean
Make sure she know it will be her money
Not mum s
Not dad s
Hers
www.gov.uk/government/news/teenagers-to-get-access-to-child-trust-funds-for-first-time

Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 13/09/2021 21:49

Dc are very good at seeing through shite speak.
Exh told my dc I was a prostitute.. It was actually a nail in his coffin so to speak...
Shame not literally...

cuppaandabiscuit · 13/09/2021 22:06

If its the child trust fund the government set up access to the account will automatically transfer to your dsd at 18 and your dp will not have any access to it, regardless of how much he's paid in.
My sons worked liked that - I was just lucky he was sensible and allowed me to put it into another type of savings account for him til he wants to use it.
So whilst it's annoying that DPs ex has said anything about it, when dsd turns 18 your DP will not have any control over the account. However, neither will his ex

Justlovedogs · 13/09/2021 22:20

@cuppaandabiscuit

If its the child trust fund the government set up access to the account will automatically transfer to your dsd at 18 and your dp will not have any access to it, regardless of how much he's paid in. My sons worked liked that - I was just lucky he was sensible and allowed me to put it into another type of savings account for him til he wants to use it. So whilst it's annoying that DPs ex has said anything about it, when dsd turns 18 your DP will not have any control over the account. However, neither will his ex
Think you've missed the point. I don't think OP is bothered about her DSD getting access, it's about where all the money has come from? Her DP and not all from the government.

YANBU to be pissed off, OP, but as others have said, easy to explain and prove, so let it go.

Original poster
Frankola · 14/09/2021 06:05

@annelovesgilbert she doesn't know how much is in the account because its my husband that held it in his care from their daughter being born.

@cuppaandabiscuit my DH put it in a account, so it's not linked to the CTF account anymore.

Ex just hacks me off with her lies. This particular lie has come because she hasn't had an account for DSD that she puts money in for her. Whereas we have done it all of DSDs life, so she is due a sizeable amount from us. It's just bitterness and jealousy I suppose.

OP posts:
Dizzy1234 · 14/09/2021 06:23

Tell DSS the truth, say " oh DSS your mum is mistaken, the government did not put any money into the fund, the money is from your df, he's been saving for you all these years" and show her the statements.
Contradict any batshit comments from her dm

Wole · 14/09/2021 07:00

It's fine, DH just needs to sit down with her and explain how the account works etc and explain he has been paying in. Her mum might genuinely have been under the impression the government give him money to put in (WTF I wish it worked like that!)

Wole · 14/09/2021 07:01

@Dizzy1234

Tell DSS the truth, say " oh DSS your mum is mistaken, the government did not put any money into the fund, the money is from your df, he's been saving for you all these years" and show her the statements. Contradict any batshit comments from her dm
Yes just do this. It's a good idea to get her to think about money and savings anyway so could be part of a wider discussion about money.
Evesgarden · 14/09/2021 07:19

I think what's grated on you OP is the way your dsd asked for it -

Basically - 'I know about the money the government have been giving you for me and I'm expecting it'. Grin

I'd actually give her the £500 she is entitled to but continue to save till she is 21 - unless she needs it for a car ect..

I was given a trust fund at 18 and I just burned through it on holidays & clothes. My youngest won't receive theirs till they are 21

vivainsomnia · 14/09/2021 07:29

my DH put it in a account, so it's not linked to the CTF account anymore
So a different account? So what she said is not incorrect. Does she even know about the other account?

I think this alone is really a non issue. You don't really know what has been said and even at 17, she could have gone confused. Why does it matter? At some point, her dad will tell her that he put money aside for her. She will know.

RedMarauder · 14/09/2021 08:30

OP ignore.

When money is put into any account there is a record of where the money comes from.

Once the child is 18 she just needs to be given all the account records with her access to the account.

sassbott · 14/09/2021 08:44

At 18 the child has every legal right to access that money. It is the same with child ISA’s. It’s why I haven’t used those means to save money for my children as there is no way they get a heap of money at 18!

So the mum is right and legally he has to handover the account details to his daughter. It’s her money.

DancesWithTortoises · 14/09/2021 08:48

The venom of ex wives still amazes me. How awful for her child to know she's a blatant liar.

sassbott · 14/09/2021 08:54

At 17 surely the child is old enough to Google how much the government gives. And separate her mothers batshit lies from the truth.

It’s more the fact that she’s told her she can access the money that would bother me in your shoes! Because legally she’s spot on! You cannot withhold the account details.

I actually think the ex is smart. She knows it’s a lie, but she also know money is there. And she also knows her daughter has every legal right to access it at 18. So she’s made sure she knows.

Was your DH aware of this when he put the money in that account? (Vs an account in his name but earmarked for his DD).

DancesWithTortoises · 14/09/2021 09:01

Maybe the ex wants to get her greedy little hands on it and demand DSD pays board. She seems the type.

beautifullymad · 14/09/2021 09:17

Actually the ExW has done you a favour. How easily could your step daughter have believed this was the case but you not get a chance to explain clearly the source of the money?

Now you can sit down with her and point out exactly what the government gave her as a start out amount. And exactly what you have contributed yourselves so she could have a decent pot at 18.

Make sure your DSD realises that these are your contributions and then maybe suggest that she asks her mum if she's also been saving into another account for her future too, as this one is from her dad.

knittingaddict · 14/09/2021 09:22

@DancesWithTortoises

Maybe the ex wants to get her greedy little hands on it and demand DSD pays board. She seems the type.
Confused

Seems the type does she? You would know this how exactly?

MrsSkylerWhite · 14/09/2021 09:25

DancesWithTortoises

Maybe the ex wants to get her greedy little hands on it and demand DSD pays board. She seems the type.“

How on earth could you possibly know what “type” the woman is?

DancesWithTortoises · 14/09/2021 09:43

How on earth could you possibly know what “type” the woman is?

The type to deliberately lie to a child about her other parent. That type won't hesitate to try to take advantage.

Or do people think what she said was ok?

FreeBritnee · 14/09/2021 09:51

The demands these children have!! It honestly takes me breath away when people post on these threads.

I swear if I thought my children had these ideas in their heads when they got older I’d remove the bloody money before they reached 18 and fuck off on holiday with it.

MrsSkylerWhite · 14/09/2021 09:53

DancesWithTortoises

How on earth could you possibly know what “type” the woman is?

The type to deliberately lie to a child about her other parent. That type won't hesitate to try to take advantage.

Or do people think what she said was ok?“

Or DSD misunderstood?

You have no idea about her “greedy little hands”.