Unreasonable ex

SpongebobNoPants · 2021-09-12T09:41:22+00:00

If you hadn’t seen your child in 3 weeks would you… A.) Ring ahead of time, make sure child and family knew what time you were picking said child up and send a nice thank you text / call for having the child since 25th August Or B.) Turn up outside the house where your child has been, having had barely any contact for a fortnight, not get out of your car which is parked over 100m from the front door, not ring the doorbell but aggressively beep your horn waking the whole neighbourhood up at 9am on a Sunday. Then call your ex angry that your child hasn’t appeared at the curb immediately because she’s still asleep and then storm off and send a barrage of abusive texts Shall we take a guess as to which scenario just played out at my house??

sassbott · 12/09/2021 10:48

🤦🏽‍♀️

Original poster

SpongebobNoPants · 12/09/2021 10:49

I’m fucking sick of it go be honest @sassbott.
Trying to reason with this woman is like trying to play chess with a pigeon

OP posts:

AnneLovesGilbert · 12/09/2021 10:50

Jesus Christ. What a piece of work. Sorry you’ve all had to deal with this

Original poster

SpongebobNoPants · 12/09/2021 10:50

to*

OP posts:

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 12/09/2021 10:51

Oh christ. A familiar situation to me also.

Original poster

SpongebobNoPants · 12/09/2021 10:53

We’ve had my youngest stepdaughter for 3 weeks because we took her camping and the day we were returning my oldest stepdaughter caught covid then mum tested positive about 5 days later so we collectively decided it would be easier if she just stayed with us until their isolation period was up.
I’ve been able to mostly work from home to facilitate this and SD has been a joy but mum knows it’s been mostly me looking after her. Instead of a quick or polite “thanks” I instead got screamed at as SD wasn’t awake… bear in mind her mum gave no indication of when she was coming to pick her up (or even if we were to drop her off!)

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sassbott · 12/09/2021 10:54

There is no reasoning with people like this. You know who she is. She’s shown you, repeatedly.
When behaviour like this doesn’t settle over time, then it’s embedded.

She’s not your issue, she’s not your ex. All you can do is to detach from the batshit crazy.
She wants to sit on the street and blow her horn? Let her. The only person who looks stupid is her. She wants to send a barrage of abusive texts? Again, that works against her.

High conflict people want to incite conflict. They thrive off creating dysfunction. I read a study where it proved that in certain people, conflict actually lowered blood pressure. Whereas conflict raises most people’s blood pressure, for some people conflict acts as a release and calms them.
My partners ex is this person. As soon as I realised who she is, I give that woman zero brain space. As she doesn’t deserve it.

We didn’t procreate with these women, our partners did. Their issue, not ours.

Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 12/09/2021 10:56

Exh used to sit with his hand on the car horn until dc went out...
Dc were once finishing a game on xbox and exh rang. I never answered his calls but did listen to the vm. Told me I had 5 mins to send HIS dc out or the police helicopter would be there to arrest me....

The thing is he actually believed his own shite....
Dc went nc with him in time. Can't think why...

sassbott · 12/09/2021 10:57

Your only mistake will be to hope/ hold out for any reasoning/ change in behaviour.
She will never thank you. She will probably never acknowledge the love and good care her child gets when in your house.

I expect the sum of sweet FA from my partners exwife. She’s a weapon and a very damaged human being. Help your DH and focus on DSD - you do what you do for them. Remove this woman and her behaviour from your mind. Literally. Hard erase.

Original poster

SpongebobNoPants · 12/09/2021 11:33

I have zero hope or expectation that her behaviour will become more rational or kinder. But it doesn’t stop the sheer annoyance I feel when she behaves like a total shit bag yet again.
We live in a lovely quiet street and I’m quite frankly embarrassed by her behaviour this morning. My neighbours know who she is and know what she’s like so I know they won’t be annoyed with us per se, but I do feel sorry for them that she was causing that huge commotion during most people’s Sunday morning lie in time

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Pinkyxx · 12/09/2021 11:36

@SpongebobNoPants really sorry for you just hate it when my ex does that. I mean it takes like 5 seconds to send a text doesn't it? Never really understood how I am supposed to ''magically'' know when he's planning to turn up bearing in mind it could be any time between 8am and 6pm based on track record. Should I insist our teen get up at 7am and stand by the door 'just in case'?

It's all so draining, exhausting & completely unnecessary... after 10 + years I've given up any hope of change.. I just smile and say I'm sorry when he rants ... burns less emotional energy.

sassbott · 12/09/2021 11:53

@SpongebobNoPants and that sheer annoyance is why she does it.

My partners ex used to insist on being able to walk her children right up to my /my partners front door. Then she would use that time to peer inside/ through windows and have a good old nosy. Note these were children who were more than capable of walking from a car parked at the end of the drive. Noooo. She had to be the one to ring the doorbell and insisted on handing them over at the door. She also insisted that no one from the house be outside to handover as that was not in the best interests of the children.

One day I went for a run as his kids were due to be dropped off. As I rounded the corner, she was parked up. Visor down for the cosmetics mirror as she touched up her lippy and put her hair down. This is a woman who claimed to be petrified of my partner and yet insisted that she walk the children right up to him and physically hand them across.

Some of these women are deeply insecure and narcissistic. Of course she’s going to sit there and make a racket at 9am on a Sunday. It’s all about her, don’t you understand?

Original poster

SpongebobNoPants · 12/09/2021 11:53

@Pinkyxx I’ve come to the conclusion that she just enjoys drama and conflict. It’s the only rational explanation for her absurd behaviour, I genuinely think she gets a kick out of it

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candlelightsatdawn · 12/09/2021 13:22

@SpongebobNoPants she sounds crackers ! Like actually crackers. Who does this

@sassbott are you actually joking ? What is wrong with these people. No wonder you give out good advice, dealing with that women must be exhausting.

My friend is in similar situation- the ex would start screaming from the car waking up the whole street so much people would come out and look and she would get louder. My friend said she and her DH treated the ex like a badly behaved dog. They didn't speed up, didn't acknowledged engage on any level with the ex, and used to send this kids out when good and ready at the agreed time. I used to think this was extreme way of dealing with it until i saw the shit show one evening for myself. I was firmly told, don't look, don't react and pretend nothing was happening and that was hard to do.
They had to go door to door on the street to explain as the neighbours got so concerned they called the police one time. Naturally the police spoke to ex and she behaved for a bit.

They would only acknowledge her when she behaved well, which seemed to swing a lot based on nothing bar mood, weather or the Luna cycle.

I really struggle how people don't realise how badly this behaviour reflects on them.

I'm so sorry so many people seem to have this as regular occurrence? 😵‍💫

sassbott · 12/09/2021 13:32

@candlelightsatdawn I put in boundaries, that’s how I dealt with it.

I told my partner that she was categorically not allowed on my property and that if he couldn’t manage it, the children could no longer be dropped off at my house
I installed external security cameras, to prevent her from making allegations about our behaviour at drop offs.
I instructed my partner to be at the end of the drive to collect his kids

All of this culminated in her complaining to Cafcass/ courts about the ‘intrusion’. She demanded that we remain in the house and that I turn off my cameras (on my property recording my driveway and my front door (nothing else). Judge ordered her to not enter mine or my partners private property and my partner happily agreed to do the same with her.

Bonkers. It’s all about control, drama and a huge degree of narcissism. I used to say to my partner, she’s obsessed with you, this isn’t about the children and he disagreed. Until he heard about the car pulled over. When he lightly asked the kids about it? They responded? Oh mummy always pulls over before dropping us off and puts lipstick on. .

Obsessed mentalists. Keep em at arms length.

Original poster

SpongebobNoPants · 12/09/2021 13:59

I like the idea of just fully ignoring her like you would a tantrumming toddler.

Well she came back and collected SD without incidence. I naively thought all was fine but I’ve received a really shitty message about a missing sock. Honestly!
I’ve done SD’s washing this weekend when I was doing my own kids, sent her home with all her washing including school uniform ironed and ready to wear but apparently there is one school sock missing from the bag… these are not expensive socks either, bog standard black knee socks of which she has about 10 pairs.

The message said and this is a direct quote.

“Hi Sponge. I can see you’ve done XXX’s washing, next time I’d appreciate it if you sent everything back she came with. She’s missing a school sock so you’ll have to find it and bring it to mine later. I’m going out for dinner so I’ll pull have to put it through the letterbox”

Errrr… would the appropriate response be “How about go fuck yourself?”

I won’t obviously. I’m just not going to engage with her but this is the level of crazy I’m dealing with.

OP posts:

MeridianB · 12/09/2021 14:16

Sponge, there is not enough gin in the world to numb me from a woman like this. I don’t know how you stay sane.

💐

Bananarama21 · 12/09/2021 14:57

Best is to ignore her she wants a reaction.

candlelightsatdawn · 12/09/2021 14:59

@sassbott 🤯🤯🤯 you know I really am feeling rather grateful I haven't experienced this yet... although I'm sure there's time. My SM journey has been bag full of surprises (tricks and traps)

I'm glad the judge saw past her nonsense! And don't you love kids when they do things like that.

@SpongebobNoPants you know after receiving a message like that I would be like oh don't worry - stuck it in the post should be with you shortly... but that's probably not the highest ground to start from but I can be petty when people are ridiculous for no reason.My grandmother used to say when people are being unreasonable or ridiculous, you don't have to rise above it, just up the anty a tad and return it to sender. In this case I would do this literally 😅

penguinwithasuitcase · 12/09/2021 15:01

@SpongebobNoPants

I like the idea of just fully ignoring her like you would a tantrumming toddler.

Well she came back and collected SD without incidence. I naively thought all was fine but I’ve received a really shitty message about a missing sock. Honestly!
I’ve done SD’s washing this weekend when I was doing my own kids, sent her home with all her washing including school uniform ironed and ready to wear but apparently there is one school sock missing from the bag… these are not expensive socks either, bog standard black knee socks of which she has about 10 pairs.

The message said and this is a direct quote.

“Hi Sponge. I can see you’ve done XXX’s washing, next time I’d appreciate it if you sent everything back she came with. She’s missing a school sock so you’ll have to find it and bring it to mine later. I’m going out for dinner so I’ll pull have to put it through the letterbox”

Errrr… would the appropriate response be “How about go fuck yourself?”

I won’t obviously. I’m just not going to engage with her but this is the level of crazy I’m dealing with.

Where is your DP in all this? Why is it you getting these texts?

RedMarauder · 12/09/2021 15:08

OP as penguinwithasuitcase asked why is she contacting you about her and your DP's children?

She should be contacting him.

It isn't your job however shit his life is and how much extra work it is for him.

If he can't cope with her shit messages then he needs to work out ways to deal with her not you.

Original poster

SpongebobNoPants · 12/09/2021 15:37

@penguinwithasuitcase she doesn’t usually but I’ve been the one mostly looking after SD the last 2 weeks due to having more flexibility with work. She has my number for emergencies, a sock isn’t an emergency so I have no idea why she decided to text me… my guess is to be a goady bitch

OP posts:

Original poster

SpongebobNoPants · 12/09/2021 15:38

DP doesn’t leave it to me, he usually deals with her but he has no control over her deciding to text me. He thinks she’s as insane as I do to be honest

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Berthatydfil · 12/09/2021 15:48

Don’t worry about the sock - it (doing her washing) won’t happen again

RedMarauder · 12/09/2021 15:55

She has my number for emergencies, a sock isn’t an emergency so I have no idea why she decided to text me

Don't respond and block her.

You can then unblock her when necessary.

If she then questions you when in an unblocked state you only reply to messages that are related to emergencies involving her children.