To think that DAD shouldn’t just walk into the bathroom when someone is on the loo

[user1488481370]

We don’t have a lock on our bathroom door because I sometimes have seizures.

I could hear DD (8) and DSD (11) coming up the stairs today whilst I was on the loo. I shouted and told them not to come in because I’m on the toilet. DSD took absolutely no notice, waltzed straight in and said she needed a drink?!

She had presumably walked through the kitchen from outside to get to the bathroom. She walked in on me in the shower the other day saying she needed the toilet (we have a downstairs loo) after id asked her not to. She will walk into mine and OH’s bedroom while we’re both getting dressed which really annoys me. I kind of expect it with little kids but not with a pre teen.

I snapped at her a little when she walked in and said she needed a drink but I’m so done with the lack of privacy in this house!

Of course she shouldn't be doing it.

You’re going to get 20 posters asking why you don’t just put a lock on the bathroom door.

Why on earth is she getting a drink from the BATHROOM????
I know not everyone has water tanks anymore, but I would still never get a drink out the bathroom tap!

That's naughty and they are old enough to understand, can you get those do not disturb signs and put it on the door when you are in there. Do you have an alarm system in the bathroom if you begin to feel unwell. If you and dh are in the bedroom together is it safe to lock the door

What are the consequences of her violating your privacy? You’ve told her not to come in when someone is already in the bathroom and she’s ignoring you. So you need to invoke consequences...a punishment so she knows you are serious. She’s a step kid so you need to address this with her bio-parent and do this jointly with them.

Have you followed up any of these occasions with a proper conversation that her behaviour isn’t ok?

Try having a word with her about privacy, and knocking before entering rooms.
She is at that age where her body may be changing and she could be trying to accidentally check your body out. Not in a weird sense, but a more curious sense to know what's to come.

Wtf. Never understood this. My family never saw anything wrong with waltzing in on me in the bathroom. I hated it.

Get a lock, truly. It’s just easier. If there’s little children in the house install it 3/4 of the way up the door.

Then if they rattle the door shout ‘fuck off you perv’ and I bet they won’t try again ;)

Her dad needs to sort this ASAP. It’s not okay, she wouldn’t like it done to her, and it’s crossing your boundaries. He needs to come down hard on it and it needs to not happen again. I’d have more than snapped, she’s taking the piss and plenty old enough to understand.

You can get locks that can be opened from the outside, OP.

Your DC are going to get to an age where they want their privacy too, so you may as well change the lock now.

@TheChip

Try having a word with her about privacy, and knocking before entering rooms. She is at that age where her body may be changing and she could be trying to accidentally check your body out. Not in a weird sense, but a more curious sense to know what's to come.

I really doubt that a child that age wouldn’t know what a woman’s body looks like.

Our bathroom doors can be unlocked from the outside. I'd be getting one of those on the bathrooms and bedroom. But you and Dh need to have a word with her about respecting others privacy. I'd just scream at her to get the fuck out - she'd hardly stay around for a drink of water after that.

@ATowelAndAPotato yes!!!! Thank you! Exactly what I said to OH.

We’ve (myself and OH) had regular conversations about this with her but it either doesn’t register or she just doesn’t care.

I can’t get a lock unfortunately as I suffer from seizures 😬

She might have thought nothing of it - people used to waltz into the bathroom all the time at my house. My mum would think nothing of doing it to me now and I’m 41!

We’re in a very old house and the doors are original and very thick oak, I’m not sure wed get a lock that suitable but I will certainly look into it.

I do have a pendant alarm but most of the time I’m too far into my seizure to activate it

Does she do it at home, us what I meant? So she sees it as normal behaviour?

8 is old enough to understand that a closed door means knock and get permission for entry.

I’m honestly not sure how to deal with it because I can’t imagine a child persisting after being told the rule. I normally look for natural consequences instead of unrelated punishment and in this scenario I’m just not seeing anything.

Yes she shouldn't do it, I've never had a lock and I've never been walked in on so
it's lack of awareness/boundaries. But the answer is a lock with a release on the outside you turn with a coin

Surely they teach nursery and reception kids that somebody in a cubicle means leave them alone until they have washed their hands?

Have a really really long and terrible kind and concerned conversation about why she is so keen to look at you naked. Ask her if her body is changing and if she has any concerns. Hug her lots, be so kind. Make it the most cringey ott conversation ever. That'll stop her

How about the sort of locks they use in hospitals?
Can be opened from the outside by using a tool, or -I think - a coin?

I understand about the lock, what about a doorstop (or massive traffic cone) that when it is in front of the door no one can come in?

But seriously don't get a lock if you don't want one - she needs to learn to knock. I have never had any locks in my house and we have never walked in on each other.

@TheChip

Try having a word with her about privacy, and knocking before entering rooms. She is at that age where her body may be changing and she could be trying to accidentally check your body out. Not in a weird sense, but a more curious sense to know what's to come.

She can bloody well be curious about her actual mum's body then, OP isn't an exhibition!

Hi. I assume the lock issue is so that someone has access to you in the event of a seizure. If this is the case is it possible to get one of those locks that can be opened from the outside with a key if needed. So it's a flip/turn type lock on the inside of the bathroom and a key to unlock on the outside. Keep the key in at all times so it's easy to get to you if needed.

This will at least make it clear that the bathroom is in use and privacy is needed.