To think that DAD shouldn’t just walk into the bathroom when someone is on the loo

[user1488481370]

We don’t have a lock on our bathroom door because I sometimes have seizures.

I could hear DD (8) and DSD (11) coming up the stairs today whilst I was on the loo. I shouted and told them not to come in because I’m on the toilet. DSD took absolutely no notice, waltzed straight in and said she needed a drink?!

She had presumably walked through the kitchen from outside to get to the bathroom. She walked in on me in the shower the other day saying she needed the toilet (we have a downstairs loo) after id asked her not to. She will walk into mine and OH’s bedroom while we’re both getting dressed which really annoys me. I kind of expect it with little kids but not with a pre teen.

I snapped at her a little when she walked in and said she needed a drink but I’m so done with the lack of privacy in this house!

Lol I agree. My point being if that is the reason for it, is that it might just take a little reassurance over body changes to solve the issue.

Water pistol, squirt the minute you see a door opening

@user1488481370

We’re in a very old house and the doors are original and very thick oak, I’m not sure wed get a lock that suitable but I will certainly look into it.

I do have a pendant alarm but most of the time I’m too far into my seizure to activate it

We have a hook and loop lock in our Victorian doors. We couldn’t install a bolt unless we removed part of the door frame. It literally screws in, very effective and the damage to both door and wall in minimal.

Hook and eye*

www.screwfix.com/p/cabin-hook-satin-chrome-100mm/70805?tc=NT1&ds_kid=92700058173289964&ds_rl=1244072&gclid=Cj0KCQjwvaeJBhCvARIsABgTDM6A29VvwfJB2UsYNuFdZXjxaW6KCGccqawCXt62alBd273csaknNJsaAqnUEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds

I'd be so angry. Ask her how she'd feel if you removed her bedroom door as she's so keen on invading people's privacy!

[quote Yourstupidityexhaustsme]Hook and eye*

www.screwfix.com/p/cabin-hook-satin-chrome-100mm/70805?tc=NT1&ds_kid=92700058173289964&ds_rl=1244072&gclid=Cj0KCQjwvaeJBhCvARIsABgTDM6A29VvwfJB2UsYNuFdZXjxaW6KCGccqawCXt62alBd273csaknNJsaAqnUEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds[/quote]
But the OP doesn't want a lock because she has seizures and it would make it harder for her DP to get to her if she's in trouble

What do you actually do when she does this? What does your DH do? Are there sanctions?

She's 11? So I'd yell at her and tell her not to be so disgusting and respect your privacy. Shock her.

She knows what she's doing at that age so I'd tell her she can't do that and also that no one should be doing it to her

I have a similar problem. DSD is 10 and screamed at her younger sister for going in her bedroom earlier without knocking even though they share at their mums. Then an hour later I was in the shower and she came in and opened the cubicle door to ask if I knew where her phone charger was. She constantly comes into my room while I’m changing and I will sometimes just move to the en-suite but recently she opened the door to carry on our conversation which was just her talking at me.

I told her I won’t respect her privacy if she doesn’t respect mine, hopefully it’s clicked now.

I understand the no bolt on the door, but as others have said, there are lock options where its locked, but easily unlocked with a blunt knife from the outside. We used to leave a knife above the door frame for this very purpose if needed.

DSD needs boundaries though. Does she menstruate? Would she like you, brother or father walking in on HER when she is putting a pad on or a tampon in??? I'd ask her why she has been doing this and how she would feel?

What katemuff says, complete with the period talk! Cheeky kid.

I don't think it's curiosity about bodies etc, it's more likely she's aiming to embarrass you and it's a disrespectful game she's invented.

Her DF needs to make some consequences clear and follow through. Withdrawal of the latest grownup privilege she's been getting, for instance, until she can behave more like an adult.

Or the water pistol idea appeals...

I honestly can't imagine this and I've the most self entitled inconsiderate SKs going. I would be furious. Sit her down and ask her what the hell she is playing at, that it's weird and inappropriate to walk in on a person in the bathroom, that you are embarrassed for her she doesn't know something so basic.

Tell her you never want it mentioned again and that you are shocked.

I don't agree with you getting a lock of any sort.

Would telling her that if she does it again, her bedroom door will be removed for a day work? If you can't respect other people's privacy, then you don't get none yourself kind of thing...

Can you shout at her and tell her that sort of behaviour could get her arrested?

I would hate it if my DSC did this to me. I would feel like my privacy had been violated.

We used to have this with the step-kids and it seemed to stem from the fact that this was just how it was at home. At our house DS was never allowed to enter our bedroom without knocking and we gave him the same respect and privacy by always knocking on his door. Regarding the bathroom, that’s just weird that she would walk in so no real advice. I guess you will just need to reiterate constantly that it’s not acceptable.

@Yourstupidityexhaustsme

Wtf. Never understood this. My family never saw anything wrong with waltzing in on me in the bathroom. I hated it.

Get a lock, truly. It’s just easier. If there’s little children in the house install it 3/4 of the way up the door.

Then if they rattle the door shout ‘fuck off you perv’ and I bet they won’t try again ;)

She can’t have a lock, she has seizures I have the same problem as I have epilepsy yet my son doesn’t walk in on me.

Can you put something heavy in front of the door on the inside. Something that can be pushed out the way if needed but if she tries it it would slow her down enough to give you time to react. Or a door wedge?

You don't need a lock - she needs to learn boundaries. I am very very laid back but this is absolutely unacceptable and needs to be punished. She knows she not supposed to be doing it, she is deliberately choosing to violate you (and that sounds strong but it's what it is)

Dad needs to step the fuck up!

The child is the problem, not the door! It wasn't an accidental intrusion. Her DF needs to address the problem; OP should not be experiencing this nor having to find the solution (despite what I said earlier 😉).

Cause and effect...
"DSD, you will not have access to your phone/remote for the rest of the day/24h as you broke the rules and walked straight into the bathroom/bedroom again"
State the rules and see it through.

Not a DSC but a visiting 10yo child staying in the house came to me saying "Look what I found!" showing me a piece of my own jewellery.

"You didn't 'find' that. It was never lost. You went poking and prying into drawers in my bedroom where you were uninvited and unsupervised. We don't walk into other people's bedrooms and go through their things. How would you feel if you found me in your room going through your stuff next time I come to stay?"

Boundaries...

Sounds like a dominance behaviour. She's seeking to convey that she's more important than you, in your home.

How long has she been doing this? Has anything changed recently?

Our rule has always been that if the door's closed, someone's in there. No need for locks. does cause a problem if people visit who habitually close doors behind them.

Her dad needs to talk to her and emphasise that it's your shared home and you require the respect and privacy of any adult, in their own home. The sort of respect and privacy she can reasonably expect, especially as she gets older, too.

"I can’t get a lock unfortunately as I suffer from seizures"

Sure you can, there is a type called a bathroom lock that can be opened from the outside using a coin, tool or screwdriver, in an emergency. They are even available in horizontal sashlocks sizes to match Edwardian and Victorian locks. If you post a pic of what the door currently has, and any measurements you can take, I can help you find one.

They are also useful for bedroom privacy, and can be swapped for a simple latch, or a key lock, if needs change.