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Step-parenting

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Original poster

Does anyone else sometimes really not like their step child?

80 replies

deflatedstepmum12 · 17/08/2021 17:20

I have a 7yo SC and, whilst I might sound awful, I have to confess I don’t really like her.

I’ve been around her since before she was 2, and all was well at first. But as she’s got older, she’s picking up awful habits from her mum. Mum is a reformed drug addict who has had a tonne of boyfriends living with DSC since I’ve know her, but looks down on me and patronises me even though I’m nearly 10 years her junior but have a very good career and my own home. My SC is now starting to pick up on it, constantly answering back, trying to patronise me and worst of all lying. It is driving me insane.

The worst thing is, DH thinks she’s wonderful. He doesn’t see that she’s sly and rude, and obviously she obsesses over him. Her mum and dad expect me to pick up the slack childcare wise, which is getting harder and harder the more she irritates me!

I feel like a terrible person but I just can’t help it Sad is there anyone else in the same boat?

OP posts:
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Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 17/08/2021 17:25

The best bit of dumping exh was knowing I would never have to see his dc or ex ever again... Ime it is difficult having a mini ex in your lives....

MsTSwift · 17/08/2021 17:26

I know I would feel like this so would never get into a relationship with a man with young children.

BettyAndFrank · 17/08/2021 17:32

We’ll do something about it…like leave!

BettyAndFrank · 17/08/2021 17:33

@MsTSwift

I know I would feel like this so would never get into a relationship with a man with young children.
Absolutely! No way would I get involved with someone with dcs!
Theunamedcat · 17/08/2021 17:34

Next time they want childcare say no

And consider your relationship

Hard

BrilliantBetty · 17/08/2021 17:40

7 is a difficult age. I find my own DC (around this age) tough. Rude, talks back, stroppy, tells tales. It's not the best bit of parenting and it's balanced out by all the love, affection and wonderful bits that I suppose as step mum you don't see so much of.

I would leave instead of attempting to come between your partner and his child. Not everyone is cut out to be a step parent and it's ok to admit it's too hard and walk away.

CabbagesGreen · 17/08/2021 17:54

I found 7-9 was a tricky age, they like to be little but also big, they learn a lot, especially with older siblings.

CabbagesGreen · 17/08/2021 17:55

Oh and don't provide free childcare. Especially not for their mum! Only for DH if its an agreement you've come to and you are getting some benefit out of it too.

GoodnightGrandma · 17/08/2021 17:57

She’s not your child so don’t babysit her.
And her behaviour is probably going to get worse as she heads towards her teens,

Original poster
deflatedstepmum12 · 17/08/2021 18:00

I do 3 days a week as well as EOW during the holidays, and whenever DH or the ex are busy, I’m the first port of call. I worry that I’ve let it go on so long I’ve become a bit of a doormat.

I’m also hoping it’s just a tricky age. I love her (she’s been in my life for years), but I just don’t like her very much.

OP posts:
NeverAgain123456 · 17/08/2021 18:04

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Ohpulltheotherone · 17/08/2021 18:05

Is there a reason you provide so much childcare? Does your DH work away? Why doesn’t he look after his daughter during his contact time?

I think it’s fine to dislike a young child occasionally- they can be incredibly annoying.

But I think it’s probably the whole situation which is making your irritated and angry - not just her behaviour.

You’re being taken for a mug in terms of being the default childcare - and not just for the occasional time, it sounds like you’re the second parent here, not your DH!

forrestgreen · 17/08/2021 18:07

How are you so free. I think you need a second job/important volunteering role/ill relative. Or just go a visit family for a few weeks. Please grow a backbone. If they want childcare they can pay for it when it's their days.

Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername · 17/08/2021 18:09

So nice to see an honest thread about DSC, without people telling the OP she should be burned at the stake, and to leave DH if she can't learn to love the DSC because it's not fair on the little angels. I hated my DSC. They were rude, ignorant, spoilt, sly and just horrible. I have nothing to do with them, and neither do my DC.

NeverAgain123456 · 17/08/2021 18:12

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wanttomarryamillionaire · 17/08/2021 18:22

That is one of the good things about leaving my ex, no obnoxious, rude, spoilt stepchild. I know it wasn't just me that had a problem with dsc as lots of ex dp friends and family disliked them as well. I did however end up feeling sorry for this child as his dm was useless bordering on neglect and my ex dp was a Disney dad who just threw money at the child. The child had no friends at school because of his attitude and behaviour, yet neither of them could see he was a product of their awful parenting.

aSofaNearYou · 17/08/2021 18:25

Few issues here, but you are not a terrible person on any level.

If a child does not behave in a way that is likeable, people that aren't their parents will not like them. No point sugar coating it or feeling guilty, it's just common sense.

You absolutely do not have to provide childcare, and your husband has himself to blame for your feelings for having taken advantage of you in that manner. You need to start putting your foot down and setting boundaries.

ThuMuClu · 17/08/2021 18:30

Stop doing childcare. Feeling resentful about that (understandably) is going to add to your resentment.

Original poster
deflatedstepmum12 · 17/08/2021 18:35

This is the thing, I’m not - I work from home (luckily) and end up working very early in the morning and very late at night. My husband works away and I only sleep for about 5 hours a night to keep on top of everything. Perhaps that’s part of the stress!

OP posts:
Bookaholic73 · 17/08/2021 18:36

Don’t babysit, you have no responsibility to. I’d enjoy the time without your SC.

I wouldn’t say I hate my step kids per se, but if DH and I ever split, I’d never have a relationship with someone who has children again.

Original poster
deflatedstepmum12 · 17/08/2021 18:36

I’m quite shocked I’m being told to leave him - maybe changes are necessary, but we have a life together - just looking for support in a really tough situation!

OP posts:
Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername · 17/08/2021 18:40

@neveragain123456 I see one crept in without me noticing Grin @deflatedstepmum12 Ignore the posters who tell you to LTB....they're the same ones that think a spa day will fix everything Grin

DeeCeeCherry · 17/08/2021 18:43

Back when I was dating I had a rule - absolutely no men with children aged under 18. I don't need potential stress and I 100% wouldn't invite it into my life for the sake of a man. I like my peace.

Reading the numerous issues re men and their children, I'm glad I stuck with that.

However OP - You can say No to childcare. If you can't say no and also can't have a frank conversation with your man about how rude his child is to you, then it's not much of a relationship really.

I'm glad he thinks his daughter is wonderful. She may well turn out to be. She's only 7. & Her home life may be having an effect on her, which isn't her fault. & Her Dad dumping childcare on you isn't her fault either. In your shoes I'd be more inclined to dislike him.

Be the adult and find a way around this. Or leave, if it's impacting you this much.

Nowthisisme · 17/08/2021 20:33

@deflatedstepmum12

I’m quite shocked I’m being told to leave him - maybe changes are necessary, but we have a life together - just looking for support in a really tough situation!
I don’t have time to say much tonight but wanted to say that I have an 8 year old DSD that has her moments for sure. It’s hard but certainly not cause for quitting. It’s a tough age - or the toughest so far, for me.
Theunamedcat · 17/08/2021 20:52

[quote NeverAgain123456]@Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername it’s refreshing to see this honest thread! Just wait the step mum bashing crew will be along in a minute to tell us we should be publicly flogged for not loving the little darlings.[/quote]
Seriously I dont even like my own little darlings somedays like fuck am I loving other people's children more than my own

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