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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

Contraception for step daughter

87 replies

mommabear2386 · 06/07/2021 09:11

So this came up recently in a conversation with step daughter who is 15.5years.I have recently had my implant put in and she was asking about it etc then it got onto the pill. I happened to say (I didn't meant this at her in particular) that I think all girls should go on contraception as it prevents any little mishaps that are bound to happen.
For the record she's 100% not sexually active yet but it only takes that one night with the boy she falls for.. one of her friends has openly had 2 terminations so she's very aware of that option also but doesn't agree with it.

Anyway fast forward 2 weeks and she broaches it again and says her mum won't really talk about that kind of thing and it's to be discussed at 18 + she's now asking me to help her look into this but I'm not sure how to proceed?? My DH is very open abs they have a good relationship but understand my she doesn't really want him sorting this.
I've been clear I can't suggest anything that mum doesn't agree with because I don't have that right but I'm equally concerned now about being a step grandparent at 35!

OP posts:

TheCouncilDontHelp · 06/07/2021 18:41

15 and mature enough to bring it up and ask for help? I think she should be supported, it's her body and her choice. I'd be sending her to her local clinic with an under 16s drop in or whatever and letting her and the dr discuss her options. I'd also as evil step mother deny all knowledge of it if it came up with bio mum.

worktrip · 06/07/2021 18:55

Of course you are right to help her, just as any adult would. You need to get her to self refer to BPAS. They will give her advice and sort contraception if she needs it.

DuchessDarty · 06/07/2021 19:30

15 and mature enough to bring it up and ask for help?

The thing gif me here is that she didn’t park-actively bring it up. The OP introduced the topic when talking about herself (fair enough) and then said what she did about how girls should be on contraception. The SD then raised it later in response to that.

Think about how it would be if the OP was a teacher of counsellor at school. They would be right to give generic advice - not opinion - if asked and to let the teen know about teen sexual health clinics. But they would be overstepping and it would possibly be a disciplinary matter if they expressed their view that girls should be using contraception. I appreciate this is a different scenario, but it’s a goof way to look at it I think. It should be about giving info but not imposing or even voicing your own values on what is a personal and emotive health and consent matter.

DuchessDarty · 06/07/2021 19:31

Sorry typing on phone, so many bad typos!

funinthesun19 · 06/07/2021 20:40

It should be about giving info but not imposing or even voicing your own values on what is a personal and emotive health and consent matter.

I agree with this 100%. There’s nothing wrong with just giving information and I don’t think you should do any more than that to help a young girl make her own decision.

I went out and sorted my own contraception when I was 16 without discussing it with anyone. I know for a fact I would not have liked being told by my mum/stepmum/auntie/grandma which method they think I should use. I’ve never taken a hormonal pill in my life and I’m in my 30s now.

Sometimes help can be counterproductive.

Guavafish · 06/07/2021 23:31

I’d help her too!

Ask her to see GP/sexual health clinic

violetbunny · 07/07/2021 08:49

If your DH is supportive, then all the more reason to carry on.

Original poster

mommabear2386 · 08/07/2021 07:27

My last post was a typo I meant 16 not 18, however I do hope she doesnt rush into it an I do how it's a long while before she does!

I'm not sure why this post wouldn't be considered real... that's odd.

Anyway thank you for opinions I genuinely hadn't overly considering the medical side of things so we will be moving on. SS isn't back with us until next Friday so we'll have a catch up then and see how the ground lies

OP posts:

BananaMilkshakeWithCream · 02/08/2021 09:39

My DSD has been on an implant since she was 14 and it’s probably the only sensible thing her mum’s ever done. Has she mentioned it to me I would have definitely suggested it too as I knew she was having sex (because she openly told us and her brother). Sometimes it’s like young ones want someone to take control for them so she may almost be wanting you to say it’s OK without asking.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 02/08/2021 09:45

I happened to say (I didn't meant this at her in particular) that I think all girls should go on contraception as it prevents any little mishaps that are bound to happen

Way out of line.

Show her where she can access contraception and leave it at that,you're treading a fine line here.

Antwerpen · 02/08/2021 09:46

I think all girls should go on contraception as it prevents any little mishaps that are bound to happen

You can’t be serious @mommabear2386 maybe your standards are particularly low?

HegeHog · 02/08/2021 23:14

What would people rather? The daughter potentially get pregnant at 15/16 or the OP 'over-step' a little and have a conversation that the girls mother should be having with her but refuses to?

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