Not sure if I've been unfair

[crocs0]

I was taking my youngest to the cinema this morning whilst leaving my teen at home. My DP (who doesn't live with us) stayed over last night and he went out this morning, due to come back at the same time we got back from cinema.

Me and DC ended up missing the cinema due to unexpected road closures and huge queues. DC understandably upset, so I rebooked to take him this afternoon.

Went to text DP to tell him my change of plans, to find he'd already text me (whilst I should have been in the cinema) to say his child had asked to come over (not his contact weekend), and could he bring them to mine (they do play with my youngest).

I text back and explain what has happened re cinema, and he responds well I'll bring my DC over anyway and we can wait for you both to get back.

Now this isn't DP or his child's house, and although I'm very welcoming (DP is here a lot and his DC come over every other week to play), I don't see why my teen should have them both here for the afternoon whilst me and my youngest are not even here. Is this unfair?

Sorry this is long!

Totally agree. Plus it puts added pressure on you to hurry home rather then just enjoy the movie.

Sounds like he can’t be arsed to look after his child alone.

Of course YANBU, it's your house!

Reply back - that it won’t work and you’ll call when you’re home.

What's the point in him being there if you aren't. He should leave it. You're not being unfair at all.

Tell him you'd rather he left it till you get home.

@SandyY2K He says that then the kids can still play once we get back. And that his child will be disappointed if they don't see my DC.

My argument, he wasn't due to be having his DC today anyway, and I couldn't predict missing the cinema this morning!

I’d say ‘I’ll call you when we get back and we can see then if there’s time to come over. I think teen is looking forward to a quiet house with us out!’

It’s not fair on your teen to have them both there when he/she might just want the afternoon to themselves.

It’s not even his or his child’s home!

I’d be tempted to extend my plans and make them wait even longer.

OP ,
I don't think your teen should be the reason that you do not want them there. I think that it should be sufficient with or without a reason to so "no, plans have changed, I won't be available this weekend."

If you have given him a key to your home, that is a tacit statement that he has permission to let himself in without your being there to open the door.

The bigger issue is that you are not yet comfortable enough in your relationship to say openly that you would rather wait until you got home to come over.

If you are in a relationship where your ability to say an outright yes or no to any suggestion is compromised or questioned means that you are in a relationship in which honesty and openness have not yet been established.

@Tiredoftattler He has a key to my house for emergencies, not to let him and his DC in when I'm not there?!

Not unfair at all. Tell him to bring his child over when you’re back from the cinema. Your home isn’t his hang out spot. He has his own home. Why does he want to be at your house when you and your child aren’t there? what’s the benefit to them? Sky? Netflix? Playing with your child’s toys?

Is this a regular for him? Does he not spend time with his own DC without you or your DC being around? Seems odd that he wants to hang out in your home, one he doesnt live in with his DC. Why isnt he doing something with them?

He has a key to my house for emergencies, not to let him and his DC in when I'm not there?

It's probably time to take the key back if he's going to do this.

He says that then the kids can still play once we get back. And that his child will be disappointed if they don't see my DC.

Why can't he tell his child you're not around. This seems like he's looking for entertainment for his kid.

He can come over with his child once you get back. Try and be firm that he should come over later or leave it.

well I'll bring my DC over anyway and we can wait for you both to get back.

Cheeky bugger, telling you what he'll do at your home.

Tell him to do something decent with his kid instead of encroaching on your time with your dc and your teen's privacy.

Does he ever do anything on his own with his dc?

How long have you been together?

"Sorry, that doesn't work for us today. We'll see your DC next time. Teen fancies the house to himself today and I don't know what time we'll be back."

I’m probably alone in this but I hate having Sunday evening plans. I’m your shoes I would want to come home from the cinema, have dinner and get ready for the working week/school week ahead- uniforms, work clothes, lunches etc and then just sit down on the sofa and chill in my PJs after a bath with a glass of something and then an early night. No way would I want to be entertaining someone else’s DC and then trying to get my own to wind down.

I agree with you, @UhtredRagnarson.

@UhtredRagnarson

I’m probably alone in this but I hate having Sunday evening plans. I’m your shoes I would want to come home from the cinema, have dinner and get ready for the working week/school week ahead- uniforms, work clothes, lunches etc and then just sit down on the sofa and chill in my PJs after a bath with a glass of something and then an early night. No way would I want to be entertaining someone else’s DC and then trying to get my own to wind down.

Absolutely. Just like to be at home on a Sunday night, mentally preparing for the week ahead and appreciating those last few hours before work

I’m probably alone in this but I hate having Sunday evening plans. I’m your shoes I would want to come home from the cinema, have dinner and get ready for the working week

I absolutely agree with you.

Ok, so not so alone

Not alone at all!

OP, what’s wrong with his house? And it’s all very well him saying his DC wants to see yours, but does he care how yours feels?

Do you think he’s forgotten to get food in for dinner…? Always so much easier to invite yourself and your DC to someone else’s and have them do all the work.

I’d be having my key back. This is not an emergency.

Yes, I as just wondering what the dinner plans were.

It's not actually his contact day to see his DC, he's seeing them tomorrow, it looks like their Mum text and asked whether DP would have their child for the afternoon as they were bored (something along those lines).

Nothing wrong with DP having them last minute, but I don't really want it to affect my afternoon. We spend Sunday afternoon (like others have said) getting ready for the week. I normally wouldn't agree to plans at this time even if he was due to have his DC.

Sadly it sounds like he just doesn’t want to have to look after his child alone. His ex tells him his child is bored and his instant thought is to bring him over to yours so your child can entertain him. You need to nip that in the bud. I would just tell him “sorry, that doesn’t suit today. Have a lovely afternoon with your DS”

@excelledyourself I do a toast every Sunday!

Roast even!