AIBU to not do club runs?

[OiOiMikey]

My husband has a habit of trying to push or 'hint' for me to do more than I'm comfortable doing with DSC.

The latest thing is clubs. DSC have recently started a particular hobby which is on multiple days a week, often when they are with us.

DH hates coming home from work and having to go back out for hours to do this and the hints have started about me maybe taking them sometimes.

AIBU to say no? Probably sounds awful but I've zero interest in spending my evenings driving to and then staying to watch this and think between the two (Mum and Dad) they should be able to arrange it themselves if they are happy for their DC to do these things.

I help out with things when needed but I have. DC of my own and I have no desire to sacrifice time spent with them running around to various clubs in the evening.

@Mum2Girls19

Im sorry as well but I feel sometimes stepparents use the stepparent card a lot... You know your husband had children You married him I guess youve kinda got to expect to do some of the leg work at some point considering your wanting to be a family?? Or not? Do you just want you and him because that isnt going to happen is it?

I would suggest that on the days you both have the children....because you do both have the children...
That he drops off and maybe you pick up because thats what happens when you get with someone who has kids.

The mother is irrelevant as its not her days...

There is no 'stepparenting card'. Being a stepparent is not the same as being a parent. Not in any way.

I can't help but feel it's the same kind of problematic and thoughtless argument that sees people making claims about ' playing the race card' or 'the disability card'. It's the less awful end of that thinking, but it's the same error and ignorance that makes people imagine that it's about getting out of a responsibility or whatever.

It's not a game and no one is playing some sort of card to get the out of anything they are required to do. The only people with parental responsibilities are the child's parents. At no point in the process of marrying anyone does a stepparent take on any legal responsibility for their children. The child(ren) have 2 parents, one (or both) of them just happen to have a spouse.

Would you be telling the parents that they need to let the stepparent decide what school the child goes to? Or should a stepparents' religious views affect the child's medical treatment?

Parents don't get it both ways. You can't play the 'you knew he had children when you married him' card (and that one is a card played to get away with shirking all kinds of responsibilities) when it's about a SP having to take on the crap bits, but the child only has two parents when it comes to making any of the decisions.

I knew my husband had a job when I met him. That doesn't mean that I need to do the crappy admin tasks he can't be bothered with for him.

Yes... the mother being irrelevant bit. 😩

Seriously do these people even engage their bloody brains. So the mother - one of the two adults who are always legally responsible for the children - is 'irrelevant' because the contact schedule says it's her day off. There are no days off from being a mother. It's like a mortgage - the people on the birth certificate are jointly and severally liable for their children.

But the adult with no legal responsibility is compelled to take the kids places that mother wants them to go and their father cannot be arsed to take them?

That's a duty not a favour. And saying 'no. You do it. They're your children' is somehow the SM taking the piss by playing the SP Card.

Clearly they need to properly teach logical thinking in schools. Because the absence of it here is staggering.

Coming to this late but I am SO fed up of reading comments on here telling women they are being unfair for not doing X,Y or Z for their SCs when it's actually THEIR OWN DAD WHO CAN'T BE ARSED. But apparently that's fine and OP should be sympathetic that he's 'tired' - even though she's looking after a baby all day (and presumably all night).

How is OP getting grief here instead of their dad? He doesn't even look after ANY of these kids full-time and still can't be arsed to take them to hobbies??? Yet OP, who does look after one of the children completely full-time, is unreasonable for not wanting to do that job for him.

@Mum2Girls19

Im sorry as well but I feel sometimes stepparents use the stepparent card a lot... You know your husband had children You married him I guess youve kinda got to expect to do some of the leg work at some point considering your wanting to be a family?? Or not? Do you just want you and him because that isnt going to happen is it?

I would suggest that on the days you both have the children....because you do both have the children...
That he drops off and maybe you pick up because thats what happens when you get with someone who has kids.

The mother is irrelevant as its not her days...

I'm sure OP probably does do a lot of the 'leg work' - as we all do!! She probably does dinners, washing, cleaning, helping with homework, playing games and keeping them entertained, all on top of looking after her own young baby.

That doesn't extend to having to ferry children to clubs in the evening just because her husband can't be bothered to do it, yet still agreed for them to do these clubs.

If they were OP's children, perhaps she would not have agreed to these hobbies based on the commitment it requires alongside looking after a new baby. But she won't have been consulted in this case, since she is not their parent.