Step kids have forgotten Father's Day

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

I feel so bad for my husband. Neither of his kids has remembered Father's Day. Eldest is away at uni, youngest happily went home yesterday after his time here without a word. Neither have been in touch so far today. They are both old enough to remember themselves. My daughter (not his) has got him a stepdad card. Should I do something nice for him or would that make things worse?

This happens to me every birthday and FD. WhatsApp them now and tell them to call?

Children don't remember these things, it's the parents that sort it all out. My children had a card put under their nose with instruction to 'sign here'.

I'd text them both and remind them to call.

He's told me before that he doesn't want me to remind them - it doesn't mean anything if they don't remember themselves.

@OneRingToRuleThemAll

Children don't remember these things, it's the parents that sort it all out. My children had a card put under their nose with instruction to 'sign here'.

Maybe younger children but it sounds like these kids are late teens. Probably in social media too where you really can't miss Father's Day! A call or a text would have been nice. Is this normal for them?

@OneRingToRuleThemAll

Children don't remember these things, it's the parents that sort it all out. My children had a card put under their nose with instruction to 'sign here'.

These children sound like they are young adults not primary aged. Unless they have not seen any adverts on TV or social media or been into a shop in the past month its difficult to believe that fathers day was happening soon has passed them by.

I don't think expecting a text or call is asking too much and I'd be disappointed they hadn't done so.

@chocolatesaltyballs22

He's told me before that he doesn't want me to remind them - it doesn't mean anything if they don't remember themselves.

Your husband sounds a little bit sensitive with this comment. I think you should whatsapp them now and remind them to call.

I think if their parents were still together, their mum would have reminded them. Yes, it’s a bit shit of them. When I first went to uni at 18, I forgot my mums birthday. She video called me and I didn’t remember it was her birthday until we were on the call. It was shit of me (and I still remember the feeling of guilt!), but teens are very self absorbed. I had been partying a lot….

My siblings and I are adults now, but someone still sends a reminder out on the sibling group chat when parents birthdays/fathers/mothers day are upcoming, just to ensure no one forgets. I don’t think it makes it less meaningful if a teen has been reminded.

My DC have alwaYs needed a nudge.

@GreenCrayon FWIW I haven’t seen anything about Father’s Day on tv adverts/social media/in shops over the last month. I vaguely remembered it was in July, and then checked on the kitchen calendar. I think it’d be possible for teens/young adults to not see any reminders.

[quote Tangled22]@GreenCrayon FWIW I haven’t seen anything about Father’s Day on tv adverts/social media/in shops over the last month. I vaguely remembered it was in July, and then checked on the kitchen calendar. I think it’d be possible for teens/young adults to not see any reminders.[/quote]
Really. That honestly really surprises me. Every other advert seems to be for fathers day plus signs in shop windows and all the supermarkets near us have all had displays as you enter for weeks.

Stop excusing lazy children who are old enough to know when birthday and special holidays are! I knew from a young age when my mothers birthday and mother’s days was and always made sure she had a card etc even at 11/12. It’s plastered everywhere that’s it’s Father’s Day. Don’t remind them, I’d your husbands doesn’t want you to then respect that. I’d rather nothing than a half arsed happy Father’s Day text. Next time you see them perhaps indicate how hurt he was. They won’t forget again

@GreenCrayon Yeah I do the weekly shop online, maybe the student does too (I did when I was a student). I doubt the younger boy goes to the supermarket. I don’t watch terrestrial tv and I don’t think teens do these days either.

I’m not trying to excuse what is obviously thoughtless behaviour from these lads. Just think these things happen, and it’d be less hurtful and embarrassing all round of OP gives them a quick nudge ASAP. Student could say his card is in the post, teen could drop one round later. No need for unnecessary hurt feelings if it can be avoided.

My DSC forgot last year and then were really upset when they came round to see DC's homemade card. It is tough but best to leave it I think. Any attempt now will be obvious it's come from you. Unless they are hung over/asleep. To be honest at that age they might be sort of reprocessing their ideas about the divorce and their relationship with their dad. I know my relationship with my parents changed a lot as I became an adult.

[quote Tangled22]@GreenCrayon FWIW I haven’t seen anything about Father’s Day on tv adverts/social media/in shops over the last month. I vaguely remembered it was in July, and then checked on the kitchen calendar. I think it’d be possible for teens/young adults to not see any reminders.[/quote]
Same here tbh, plus I haven't been into a physical shop for ages.
I know ow it's fathers day because my ex (kids dad) was born on fathers day and I've been reminding youngest to get cards for a couple of weeks.

Realised this morning that I haven't connected that to MY dad, and so haven't got him a card either. Luckily I'll be able to sort something before we see him later.

17yo DSS has also not done/bought anything, despite a) having a job that brings in £350 a week and b) getting several reminders from me.

He claims to have been 'too busy' even though he went shopping for things for himself last week, has access to the internet, and works in the town centre where there are .. shops.

DP is quite upset, and what makes it worse is that DSS has now gone out, when they were supposed to be spending the day together, and I'd planned to go out with my dad and family for a meal - and DP wouldn't be able to join us as it'd make the numbers too high.

DSS knew there were plans for today, and has just gone out with his mates this morning.

Not sure whether to stay home with him, I'll see what he's like nearer the time.

Yeah I do the weekly shop online, maybe the student does too (I did when I was a student). I doubt the younger boy goes to the supermarket. I don’t watch terrestrial tv and I don’t think teens do these days either.

I sometimes do my shop online and there was an advert on the homepage of the website a few weeks ago advertising fathers day. It's also been popping up alot when I'm on social media hence my surprise its not been noticed.

I honestly think in this instance reminding them is not going to help. Adults should be encouraging teens and especially uni students to be independent and part of that is learning to manage family occasions such as birthdays and days like fathers day.

If you still have to remind them at 18 where do you draw the line. Plus it's not exactly meaningful when they are only doing it out of duty because you reminded them rather than because they feel its something worthwhile.

@chocolatesaltyballs22

He's told me before that he doesn't want me to remind them - it doesn't mean anything if they don't remember themselves.

Oh that's just dramatic

The eldest is 20 actually, a grown man. TBH I wouldn't be impressed if my husband had to remind my daughter about Mother's Day. They've forgotten before, and I've had to remind them. I'm fed up of having to do everyone's thinking for them.

Stop excusing lazy children who are old enough to know when birthday and special holidays are!

I agree with this. I haven’t been to the shops in ages but there has been plenty on social media. Plus it appears on pop up ads or on any online shop sites. Any retailer they’ve ever ordered from has probably emailed them about it. It’s usually marked on calendars, both physical ones and phone/outlook/google calendar type ones. Or, you know, it happens every year so they could look up the date and write it somewhere.
None of these things are too much to expect from an adult who is intelligent enough to be at university and their slightly younger sibling.

OP I’d do something nice for him if you can, from you.

I always remind my DC.Chances are they just need someone to "remind" them gently! They may know its imminent ,but not the actual date so to speak .No need to let their Dad know!

@chocolatesaltyballs22

The eldest is 20 actually, a grown man. TBH I wouldn't be impressed if my husband had to remind my daughter about Mother's Day. They've forgotten before, and I've had to remind them. I'm fed up of having to do everyone's thinking for them.

At 20 I'd just leave it. Some people just don't 'get' cards etc. Don't get sucked into doing all the card admin for an adult. I have a sibling who without fail forgets birthdays. It's almost an in joke now, we just accept it, it's not necessarily malicious just they don't do cards.

OP I’d do something nice for him if you can, from you I wouldn't unless you know it won't make it worse. I

Even on my online shop there is a “Father’s Day” section when you click on groceries 🙄 so I find it hard to believe pp who said they haven’t seen a single thing advertising Father’s Day.
A 20 year old doesn’t need reminding! And no it’s not for the mum to sort out, you still think a persons ex should be sorting Father’s Day stuff for their adult children?!

Agree with @Ivy48

Stop excusing thoughtless self absorbed children who are old enough to do something. It’s plastered all over social media and in the shops. Kids know. The sooner they learn the art of giving rather than just receiving the better, I wonder how they would feel if we ‘forgot’ their birthdays or Christmas?

My OH was meant to have the kids this weekend (Father’s Day is court ordered). 15 YO refuses to come. Mum organised a sleepover for the 12 YO (so he’s not here). At least the youngest did send a text earlier. The 15 YO won’t bother. It’s the same for his birthday - no call, text, card for that.

I used to organise a card & present from them but at as it became expected (and I felt unappreciated on their part) I stopped. No chance they would ever think to organise anything themselves.

Luckily our fur baby organised a little something! 🐾

@chocolatesaltyballs22

The eldest is 20 actually, a grown man. TBH I wouldn't be impressed if my husband had to remind my daughter about Mother's Day. They've forgotten before, and I've had to remind them. I'm fed up of having to do everyone's thinking for them.

You don't need to remind anyone of anything. If they forget then so be it. If someone is hurt that they forgot then so be it. Do not contact your Dh's kids. He's asked you not to remind them previously. Yes it's shit that they seem to have forgotten but it's not up to you to make up for that.