How much do you have to tell the ex about your life now ?

[Harpergirl166]

Hi everyone.

Bit of back story I am a step mum to a 9 year old girl and a mum to my three year old boy with my husband . Married for 5 years to my husband. The relationship between my husband and ex is strained at best. It goes from zero communication because of a big falling out to arguments over boundaries and what's being going on in respective homes. I try my hardest to stay out it as life's way too short to spend it in an ongoing war. My husband and I have a nice life together all in all and he's now taken the position that he can't be bothered to deal with the abusive messages and phone calls and simply ignores his ex completely he hasn't always been innocent and can react badly if he feels the ex has crossed the line , he hasn't always taken the high road. He feels she needs to know absolutely nothing regarding his time with his daughter and absolutely nothing when it comes to his life as this is usually what triggers her. We had a holiday planned without the dsd before covid and it's been moved and moved and he hasn't told her, we are moving house soon ( waiting on exchange of contracts) he will not give her his address and is very firm about it. He has also changed his number and will not share it. I have stayed quiet but is this too far or a case of our life we live it as we like now ?

Best they choose to grow up and start thinking about their child rather than playing silly games.
I do agree though that they keep communication to a minimum as they obviously can't be mature enough and put their kid first.
Poor child.

Unless her communications have actually been abusive, I think this is ridiculous.

I also consider it very suspect that you say he's "not always taken the high road" and has reacted badly. As an outsider (and happily married to the father of my child, I might add, so no axe to grind!) this immediately flags to me that there is likely to be some serious downplaying of his own bad behaviour...

But regardless, I suppose it's his choice to withhold his number and address from the mother of his child. Important to note that he'll have to take the cons with the pros, though. Presumably he doesn't mind not knowing if, say, his daughter is rushed to hospital while in the care of her mother (I don't think I'd be standing there composing an email - which he may or may not check straight away anyway - or playing silly buggers trying to do a ring around to let him know by whisper chain). Presumably he's also happy with never being able to change childcare plans if something happens unexpectedly his end (someone checking emails is far less immediate than a call and you can't be sure they've got it).

Personally I think it's foolhardy, and exposes everyone to all sorts of perfectly foreseeable difficulties, but there we are.

Dh ex has my number and email.
The court told her dh doesn't need to give his number or address when he got his cao. However we gave the address as its the right thing to do.
Regarding number.. No! Simply because of the ridiculous messages. And patheticness, ie. When (I) your DW brushed dds hair it hurt her . Wtf yes she had a knot but I was as gentle as I could.
We'd get. DD said she didn't have dinner on x day.
Yes love of course we all ate in front of her and watched her go hungry!
It was every single time. Plus very abusive ones.
Problem was dh used to argue back.

Now she has to email or call me.
Again this was advised in family court.

My stepson's mum was very high conflict for years. She never gave my partner her address after she left him ( we only found out as it was on a court document, but I don't think she knows this). All communication was through text for years, and pick ups/drop offs were at a neutral ground. Neither family has ever told the other where they're taking my SS on holiday, we very much parallel parent rather than coparent. I don't think what the OP has stated is that unusual tbh in high conflict situations.

Things are different for us now, and less high conflict and communication is greater but sometimes these things need to be in place to protect all parties.