Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

Original poster

Possessions

62 replies

dorris88 · 16/05/2021 19:55

Quick and easy question -

Should SC mum be able to request items from DP house to have at hers, because she likes them. Then use the excuse 'well they are DD's'

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
KylieKoKo · 17/05/2021 10:03

I honestly don't get why it makes a difference if the sc is getting use out of them. It's not like I wear the SCs clothes when they're not here so they might as well be wearing them at their mum's.

aSofaNearYou · 17/05/2021 10:04

@KylieKoKo

I honestly don't get why it makes a difference if the sc is getting use out of them. It's not like I wear the SCs clothes when they're not here so they might as well be wearing them at their mum's.
Because they don't come back and you have to buy more.
KylieKoKo · 17/05/2021 10:06

But that's only because one parent is preventing things being moved. Surely it cheaper for everyone if the kids can wear stuff between houses.

Original poster
dorris88 · 17/05/2021 10:11

My DH collects from school on weekends (mid week doesn't matter as goes back in uniform l).

Shell goes home Sunday night in clothes shoes and we'll never see them again. Collected her from school once and has zero footwear for her so had to go collect a bag and we got a load of crap back. Odd trainers, stuff that didn't fit anymore.

If it went both ways it would never really be an issue but in holidays when she comes here she'll be in something that doesn't fit. It's no gain to my DH, ever.

She once tried to ask for DSD's bedding from our house because she really likes it.

DH asked his DD if she wanted to buy another set for her home and she was so confused and said no?

OP posts:
Original poster
dorris88 · 17/05/2021 10:12

@KylieKoKo yes course it is but I've mentioned early on on this thread that clothes never come back to DH, so is expected to constantly buy new things.

OP posts:
flashylamp · 17/05/2021 10:21

[quote dorris88]@KylieKoKo yes course it is but I've mentioned early on on this thread that clothes never come back to DH, so is expected to constantly buy new things. [/quote]

Why constantly?

Child arrives wearing clothes and leaves wearing clothes. All clothes in between stay at your house. There is no need to replace any clothes as the child arrives in and leave sin the same amount of clothes.

Howshouldibehave · 17/05/2021 10:28

Tell DH to stop sharing photos of her on Fb in new clothes and to say no to the mum when she asks for stuff!

Original poster
dorris88 · 17/05/2021 10:29

@flashylamp

I think you keep missing the point.

Child arrives in school uniform, child leaves in clothes (with uniform in bag). Repeat.

OP posts:
flashylamp · 17/05/2021 10:31

[quote dorris88]@flashylamp

I think you keep missing the point.

Child arrives in school uniform, child leaves in clothes (with uniform in bag). Repeat.[/quote]

I did indeed miss the point

Original poster
dorris88 · 17/05/2021 10:32

@flashylamp

Just to add my last msg. That isn't the issue. The issue is to then request ADHOC clothes in the meantime, on top of the clothes she goes home in on a Sunday evening, is taking the piss.

OP posts:
DeeplyMovingExperience · 17/05/2021 10:35

I used to have this with DSD. She'd be sent to us in rags knowing that I would get her new whatever she needed, then we'd never see those items again. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Very unfair on DSD and really pissed me off.

Aprilwasverywet · 17/05/2021 10:35

Ime keeping stuff bought by the other parent at that house makes things easier... Exh sold anything I sent back.. When exh bought ds7 an ipad I didn't want the responsibility of keeping it in working order...
Obviously at df's house it was stood on and smashed. He would have made me pay if it had happened at my house.... Much easy start as will make your life easier in the future...

Footloosefancyfree · 17/05/2021 10:38

Ds takes his stuff between houses only bothers me when he doesn't have anything here to wear and il bag his dads stuff and we swap them over.

aSofaNearYou · 17/05/2021 10:39

@KylieKoKo

But that's only because one parent is preventing things being moved. Surely it cheaper for everyone if the kids can wear stuff between houses.
If it's just a question of what they arrive and leave in, perhaps, but when one of the parents asks for/the child takes more than that, it can naturally create an imbalance where most or all of the clothes are at one house. Especially when the child also arrives in school uniform so you don't naturally get any clothes back then.
KylieKoKo · 17/05/2021 10:47

Mine just bring stuff they are going to wear if it's at their mum's and they live close by so if they really need something which is in the other house they can get it.

It just seems like a layer of rules and complication that is unnecessary if the adults are sensible.

aSofaNearYou · 17/05/2021 10:52

@KylieKoKo

Mine just bring stuff they are going to wear if it's at their mum's and they live close by so if they really need something which is in the other house they can get it.

It just seems like a layer of rules and complication that is unnecessary if the adults are sensible.

Well very young kids can be forgetful so even with the best will in the world it's easy to end up with everything being shipped across to the other house, whereas it might be easier to be more flexible with teens.

But yes, if the adults are totally reasonable it hopefully wouldn't be an issue; if we send my DSS back with something we know his mum won't deliberately not return it, but many parents would. In this case it isn't only OP preventing this system, it's also the mum because she never sends anything back. I doubt she would allow them to come over and take things, as you and your SKs mum do.

SandyY2K · 17/05/2021 10:56

Has there ever been a conversation where dad tells his Ex that clothes don't come back to your house and it means he keeps having to buy more, so unfortunately, the clothes he buys will have to stay at his house.

Original poster
dorris88 · 17/05/2021 11:01

@SandyY2K there has and he is told she gets more wear out of clothes at hers, although they have 50/50 so it makes little sense. Especially when we have every weekend so she generally (atm anyway) wears inform and pjs at her mums:

We have been given bags of stuff back when it's got a bit depleted here but we get her stuff that she's bought that quite frankly is not nice clothes. Or odd shoes, small shoes it's frustrating.

OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 17/05/2021 11:49

I’d be comfortable just saying no.

80sPadme · 17/05/2021 11:52

@KylieKoKo

But that's only because one parent is preventing things being moved. Surely it cheaper for everyone if the kids can wear stuff between houses.
Yes but that relays on both parents playing fair and allowing the clothes to move between the two houses. What OP is describing is the RP not sending clothes back which then means the NRO is buying all the kids clothing which is unfair when (if) they are also paying maintenance and supporting the other children in their household. As OP says they can't afford that long term
PaterPower · 17/05/2021 12:23

I had similar in that my DDs, when younger, would be in uniform on arrival and go back in clothes I’d bought. It got to be a very expensive game when very few (very often no) clothes came back on handover.

They’re older now, so better at organising themselves and bringing changes with them and now they swap their wardrobes around between the two houses, so I’m not having to buy new so often.

YANBU OP

KylieKoKo · 17/05/2021 12:50

Threads like this make me appreciate the fact that DSDs mum is reasonable!

cherrytreecottage · 17/05/2021 12:52

This has been a common issue in our household. We buy DSD's things for here - they're meant to stay here. I've spent years of buying lovely clothing, it going back to their DM and then never seeing it again. Yet I'd always send their stuff from DM home. Used to pisssss me off! I take the view that if you or DP bought it for Dc for whilst they're at your house; that's where it stays.

That said, now they're older and it's them that want to take stuff, like if we've bought them new trainers etc...they can, id rather then get wear out of them but I always text them before they're coming back to ours and say "don't forget your trainers or you won't have anything to wear this weekend".

Howshouldibehave · 17/05/2021 12:53

there has and he is told she gets more wear out of clothes at hers, although they have 50/50 so it makes little sense. Especially when we have every weekend so she generally (atm anyway) wears inform and pjs at her mums

Well, that’s the response to her there then!

cherrytreecottage · 17/05/2021 12:56

@DeeplyMovingExperience

I used to have this with DSD. She'd be sent to us in rags knowing that I would get her new whatever she needed, then we'd never see those items again. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Very unfair on DSD and really pissed me off.
Same!! So annoying isn't it!
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.