Possessions

[dorris88]

Quick and easy question -

Should SC mum be able to request items from DP house to have at hers, because she likes them. Then use the excuse 'well they are DD's'

I’ve seen threads like this previously (although not for a while). The advice was to send the child home in whatever they came in. So school uniform in your case.

Obviously not ideal but if it’s a short trip home it shouldn’t matter and will set the boundaries firmly.

@MeridianB

I’ve seen threads like this previously (although not for a while). The advice was to send the child home in whatever they came in. So school uniform in your case.

Obviously not ideal but if it’s a short trip home it shouldn’t matter and will set the boundaries firmly.

I was going to say this, it's a shame but sending dsd back in uniform is the only way around it.

My exh refused to return the wedding outfit I had bought ds....
Sold it I assume.

As a child of separated parents I have to say I would have hated not being allowed to take my own clothes home with me or to my dad's.

Nope! Whatever we give the kids, stay at our place. Rules of the house. They can enjoy it as much as they want it when they're here, but toys, pets, stuff isn't leaving the house AT ALL.

there has and he is told she gets more wear out of clothes at hers, although they have 50/50 so it makes little sense. Especially when we have every weekend so she generally (atm anyway) wears inform and pjs at her mums

She doesn't make any sense at all as you have 50/50.
She just buy the clothes she wants for her child and stop this making a fool of herself. Has she no shame.

I'd be embarrassed. I get a certain image of the type of woman to do this...and it's a very dim, shallow, woman, who wears a certain fabric of tracksuit with massive earrings...

We don’t allow it, they have their stuff here then stuff at their other parents.

The stuff shared is things for activities like football kit/boots etc. But day to day clothes and shoes no. Mainly because they take things and then they don’t come back.

There is a difference in what we buy and what their other parent buys (brands price etc) so we want to ensure their decent stuff stays here as with us is where they are the majority of the time. If the kids want to take something specific they can but they are asked to ensure they bring it back.

However we have had so many occasions where they take a coat/trainers/charger and it doesn’t get brought back and they end up without it for over a week and then nag for it and moan it’s been forgotten there. So generally we don’t

@KylieKoKo

As a child of separated parents I have to say I would have hated not being allowed to take my own clothes home with me or to my dad's.

I do get that but my DSS is 8 and has literally zero interest in clothes. We're only just having any luck persuading him to pick an outfit out for himself, I can only assume it's laid out for him at his other home.

If he ever did take an interest and want to take something in particular back, as with toys etc it would be a case of when he's demonstrated he won't forget to bring it back. It's a teaching tool as much as any. If he hates not being able to take something back enough, he can remember to bring it back, and if he can't, then it gives the impression he's not that invested and still needs to learn the value of things bought for him. But then he's very careless with his things generally so this is a core lesson we are trying to teach!

Yeah it'd be a big fat no for me.
When my DSS was younger we didn't let him take things we'd bought back to his mums. His mum has three other DC, not my partners children. We learnt a lesson as at first we did allow him to take things home, bought him a TV for him bedroom at mums and it ended up in his sisters room, clothes never came back and we'd see his brothers wearing them, xbox, tablet got broken etc.
We were expected to replace everything, we smartened up and didn't let him take anything home.
We definitely learnt that NO is a whole sentence

In my situation my DH got the 3rd degree for not already knowing DD would want her tracksuit for netball (even though she manages fine in her other ones) - honestly saying it out loud is so petty.

However DH hadnt even said no and he was being told items that are hers should go wherever she wants them to go, that he was selfish etc it was pretty wild behaviour over a £20 trackie.

Not sure where we go from here, he did drop the trackie off in the end and his DD just looked bemused like "why you giving me this?" but took it anyway lol.

UGH - its just the entitlement for me. Shell be asking for food out the fridge next cos DD likes our food.

@dorris88

In my situation my DH got the 3rd degree for not already knowing DD would want her tracksuit for netball (even though she manages fine in her other ones) - honestly saying it out loud is so petty.

However DH hadnt even said no and he was being told items that are hers should go wherever she wants them to go, that he was selfish etc it was pretty wild behaviour over a £20 trackie.

Not sure where we go from here, he did drop the trackie off in the end and his DD just looked bemused like "why you giving me this?" but took it anyway lol.

UGH - its just the entitlement for me. Shell be asking for food out the fridge next cos DD likes our food.

In terms of where you go from here - just start saying no. It obviously isn't coming from your DSD anyway.

Just say no, we use that here/need it for outings etc.
(Obviously not in the case of eg a book)
I wouldn’t buy expensive brands of clothing if they are being kept and sold. I’d be very annoyed at that.