Possessions

[dorris88]

Quick and easy question -

Should SC mum be able to request items from DP house to have at hers, because she likes them. Then use the excuse 'well they are DD's'

SC should be able to if it is their stuff. Not their mother.

Sorry I didn't type clearly. If SC asks because they want it thats ok. Not if the mother wants it for herself which is how your post reads.

No DSD absolutely does not care about said items. It's simply just the branding of particular things that are expected to go between. However they never come back.

No of course not, if she likes them she can buy duplicates for her DD. However, if it came directly from DSD it would be a bit less clear cut.

However they never come back. Yes, I have this with my DP! He will ask if he can borrow a charger for a certain item or a book to lend to a friend, but I know if it goes to his house it will never come back I tend to say in a non-committal way "erm yeah ok, not sure where it is but I'll have a look" and then hope he forgets about it (which he often does) If your DSD isn't bothered I'd just say no sorry, we all use that here, or we need it here for when DSD does xyz with us.

Social media is the killer. She'll see a pic of DSD in a new elessee tracksuit then on drop off DP will get a 'DD wants that elessee tracksuit for next weekend why didn't you pack it' but it's not even an an ask, its a demand and DSD has never asked to take things back because she's 6 and doesn't care if her tracksuit for netball is Tesco or elessee 😅

She’s 6 and things don’t come back so no.

Also get her off your Facebook.

I would assume that to be an issue to be resolved between the 2 parents. However, if you are the one paying for said items then you can perhaps have a say . If I give something as a gift to my kids, I then allow them to transport at will.

My kids are older and they move items back and forth without any problems. Neither their father nor I closely monitor item movement as it has never been a source of a problem.

If you do not have a vested involvement in this situation, I would leave it to the parents to sort.

Just say it’s not possible. What’s her mum doing with a the stuff? Is she selling it?

@Tiredoftattler

I would assume that to be an issue to be resolved between the 2 parents. However, if you are the one paying for said items then you can perhaps have a say . If I give something as a gift to my kids, I then allow them to transport at will.

My kids are older and they move items back and forth without any problems. Neither their father nor I closely monitor item movement as it has never been a source of a problem.

If you do not have a vested involvement in this situation, I would leave it to the parents to sort.

"Perhaps have a say" what crap, of course she gets a say if she is paying towards the items.

I have a stepson and between me and his dad we buy him plenty, like his mum and his step dad do, he takes things to his mums house and vice versa and it's not an issue, sometimes things come back and some times they don't. My DP and his ex have a good enough relationship though that it's never an issue.

Ours do not for clothing as dsc mom dosnt like it clothing from here stays here, there mom even refuses to send trainers on weekends as they are hers and kids might wreck them. . Sigh. We have full sets of everything Inc school uniform.
Tech eg mobile phone and I pads are joint items gifts for Xmas etc and go between houses as it would be daft to have two.
A quick sorry we need that here as otherwise she won't have clothes for xyz activity. Repeat.

Not in the situation you describe; we used to have that and we’d say no. Since DSD actually started taking an interest in her clothes (about age 11) then she can take them home as she will then bring them back and forth.
We’ve always let her do what she wants with toys but we’ve had the same issue with nice coats; she doesn’t get sent to ours in a decent coat so we buy one and then it goes back never to be seen again

The simple solution is to stop posting pictures of your SC on Facebook.

So what happens, you change the child before she goes home? Or you actively dress her in 'different' clothes the day she is to go home?

I don't really know why it's an issue if the 'elesse' tracksuit doesn't come back to your house, as long as your SC is getting to wear it, which is the whole point of buying a child clothes. The 'out house/the other house' is a really strange thing to be enforcing upon a young child IMO and absolutely is about the adults and not the child.

Not when they are young. They change back into the clothes they arrived in. Kids should NOT have to take a suitcase between houses. School bag ok but not clothes.

@00feckingbollocks why on earth have you assumed it's on my Facebook? 🤣 it's my Husband sharing pictures of his darling daughter so please take your negative assumptions elsewhere

@Wallywobbles

Not when they are young. They change back into the clothes they arrived in. Kids should NOT have to take a suitcase between houses. School bag ok but not clothes.

I think having separate clothes for each house is more disruptive and certainly unsettling than taking a bag with their own things wherever they are. Poor kids getting caught up in clothes wars with ridiculous parents putting their own wants before the child.

Just to clarify, I don't mean moving every all the time, I mean arrive in and leave in whatever they are wearing that day. Take a bag with any favourite clothes and have things at each house. But things that belong to them so the can wear and take to whichever they are staying at

DSDs have always been free to take their clothes and other belongings between houses as they wish. It doesn't bother me if I buy something for them and they prefer to leave it at their mum's as it's theirs not mine.

@KylieKoKo

DSDs have always been free to take their clothes and other belongings between houses as they wish. It doesn't bother me if I buy something for them and they prefer to leave it at their mum's as it's theirs not mine.

As it should be

Going to go against everyone here ... we keep our clothes for each household & don't share them.

My DD11 goes to dads twice a week & if she takes clothes from our house, she doesn't get full use of the clothes. If she wants to take a specific outfit it's a yes, as long as she brings it back.

DSS's 7&9 with us 3/7 days a week & have their own clothes in each house & we swap them over. They don't always have clothes that fit at their mums house & we can't afford to clothe them at both households.

@dorris88 I stand by my comment. I am a parent and a step parent. You are making a fuss over something that is easily solved. Perhaps you are enjoying the drama.

No I wouldn't allow this. DSS has clothes at our house and clothes at his mum's house. Whatever he arrives in/goes back in gets sent back the next time.

People always like to bang on about often very young children having total control over their clothes, but in the real world not everyone has the money for clothes to be forever disappearing from their household and none coming back in, even different ones. Neither our household nor DSSs mum are particularly wealthy so neither of us would encourage a system like this. It's inconsiderate.

OP I understand your situation.
With my DSC we have the opposite issue in that we buy things for DSC and their mum doesn't want them to bring it to her house. In-fact if she believes it is something that I have got them then she outright refuses to even touch it or have them mention it.
As a child my best friend moved between 2 houses. Her parent at her main home wouldn't send her to the other parent in nice clothes so they would buy her new and send her back with new stuff. She hated it that she would always be sent to the other home in stuff that didn't fit etc but the other parent almost always then took her shopping.
I remember her parent and their new partner having an arguement about it thinking we were outside and it really upset her.
It's hard for the kids when it happens this way.
Keep the clothes you buy for your home and just let them change when they get to your house and then change back before going home.
It's no big deal and will save arguements.